


Colors

by adelaidesantiago



Series: Birds of Magic [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Marauders Era (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-21 21:14:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 44,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30027942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adelaidesantiago/pseuds/adelaidesantiago
Summary: "We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are."On a day to day basis, Clara Green was a regular witch. She attended Hogwarts, she had favourite subjects and subjects that she wished she was not graded on. She had a group of friends and she normally had a guy that she has an eye on.And just like any other girl, she had things that set her apart. Her obsession with potions, the fact that her mother was a half Mexican and half Cuban muggle. And how her father was disowned the moment he married her.On a rare day, she excelled in class. On a rare day, a boy confessed to her. And on a rare day, everything she took for granted and what she held close was taken away from her.Life isn't a straight path, there are hills, valleys, and mountains. And Clara is one to try to be independent. But as she learns to lean on those around her, a certain grey-eyed boy wants to be the one she can depend on.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Birds of Magic [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2209026
Kudos: 4





	1. COINCIDENCES

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT  
> Currently in the process of uploading this work to AO3!!
> 
> This is the first book in the Birds of Magic series. You do not have to read the series in order to be able to understand the plot of each individual book.
> 
> DISCLAIMER  
> I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this story; they belong to J.K. Rowling. The dialogue used from the Harry Potter Series is not mine. I only own my characters and my subplots.
> 
> WARNING  
> This story contains cursing, violence, and mature themes.

**CLARA GREEN WAS AN ANOMALY.** Her mother was a muggle and her father came from the purest wizard family of them all _**(** by eugenic pureblood standards she wasn't supposed to exist **)**_. But somehow, here she was on a train to a school that she hadn't even heard of until about a year ago.

A few hours earlier she had waved goodbye to her nervous-looking mother and her beaming father and turned to board the Hogwarts Express. Her palms had been covered in sweat as she thought about this new world that was opening up to her, but now on the train, she felt awkward. She was sitting in a train cart with a few first years. One was named Lisa, another Micheal, and one quiet one's name sounded like Linda but Clara couldn't be sure. Clara Green had the feeling that this would be the last time any of them would sit with one another on the train.

Thankfully Clara soon had an excuse to leave, they were nearing Hogwarts and it was time to change robes. She thankfully found the bathroom and met a girl who's last name sounded like.. Ovens? But Clara barely had the chance to hear the girl's name before she started chattering. Clara and the girl found out, while they were changing, that they both had a similar interest in books written by Emily Brontë and Jane Austen. Clara decided that Lily Evans _**(** she finally heard her name correctly **)**_ would be a good friend in the years to come.

And after being sorted into the Gryffindor house along with Lily Evans, Clara's prediction would come true.

Still, in her third year, Clara was right. She had been sitting with her good friend Lily for a few hours in the library, working on one of their many essays. The few hours after dinner that students were allowed to be out of their dorms, the pair spent studying in the library. But unfortunately, two bothersome people knew of this fact and liked to exploit it.

"Look at what we have here." Sirius Black said as he and James Potter walked up to Lily and Clara, and sat across from the studying girls.

"I think what you have here are two girls tired of hearing your voices and not wanting either of you here," Lily said not even looking up from her potions essay.

Not phased at all, James smiled and said, "Is Lily playing hard to get?"

Clara rolled her eyes as she dipped her quill in ink, also not looking up from her essay, "She's not 'playing' when she's literally just hard to get."

Remus Lupin walked up to the table, "Hey guys, I've been looking for you. About the pudding thing-"

James and Sirius immediately shushed him, "Shut up Lupin, you're terrible at keeping a secret."

"Yeah." Everyone at the table agreed in unison, even the two girls, who were still trying to study.

Then Peter Pettigrew came up to the table and sat down, eating some sort of candy, "Merlin, our table has been overrun with Marauders." Lily said, burying her head in her book in defeat.

"Yeah, have you guys ran out of innocent people to hex?" Clara said hatefully, still angry at them for hexing her older friend Marlene McKinnon a few days ago.

Sirius smirked as he leaned towards Clara, "I can't help it if people get in my way and make fun of my friends."

"Just because you think you're an entitled _pureblood_ doesn't mean-"

"Woah there, Clara." James put a hand on her shoulder, knowing that this was a subject that Sirius was sensitive to, but she shrugged him off.

Sirius' eyes suddenly turned a dark black, everyone at the table leaned away from the pair, "Don't. Ever. Call me that." He seethed.

"Then prove me wrong, say you're sorry."

Clara Green stared into Sirius Black's eyes and didn't think that him apologizing would ever happen. For the whole two years they've been going to school together, he hadn't apologized to anyone after he hexed them. Something about 'no regrets'. He'd never change.

**❖**

The next day, the Gryffindor Third Years had double potions with the Ravenclaws. Some of the more competitive Ravenclaws didn't particularly like them, since Clara and Lily were always at the top of the class in potions. Lily and Clara sat in the front of the class, as they were some of Slughorns favourite students, second only to Severus Snape. Who Clara constantly competed with in potions, both of them trying to find the most accurate, quickest way to create a potion.

"There's no one in this class to compete with," Clara complained as she sat down and leaned her head against her hand.

Lily looked over at the brunette, "What about me?"

"I love you, Lily, but you tend to hug the textbook like it's your lifeline. You never stray from the instructions even if it'll be a lot easier. This is also why you hate divination."

Lily shrugged, agreeing a little with what her friend said. Then started working on the assigned potion.

Professor Slughorn had assigned the Shrinking Potion. Clara Green had already mastered it so she easily had the concoction done without any fuss at all. After finishing the first few steps, the Gryffindor let the potion simmer and waited for it to turn green.

While she was keeping an eye on the simmering concoction, a noise caught her attention. The door to the classroom swung open and two boys clad in Gryffindor robes walked in. James Potter had his usual look of unruliness. Clara had known him since they were young, so she knew that this 'rugged' look was mostly accidental.

Stifling his laughter next to him was Sirius Black. As her stomach dropped, her ears warmed with annoyance. Before he could catch her staring, she turned back to her workstation. 

"I was wondering when you boys would show up." Professor Slughorn said, stopping Sirius Black and James Potter in their tracks.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for your unexcused tardiness."

The pair rolled their eyes and sat down in the back of the classroom.

"They're a little quiet today.. too quiet," Clara said to Lily. This was true, while they didn't try to be quiet normally the pair loved to draw attention to themselves.

Lily rolled her eyes getting some cowbane to add to her potion, "Who cares? They're just boys who are too overdramatic for their own good."

Clara used her wand to put out the flame from under her Shrinking Potion, "Exactly, they didn't complain once or make a crazy excuse. It's like they don't _want_ to be noticed. And I know James, I love him but he's stupid and craves attention almost all the time."

"Maybe they've turned over a new leaf, but Clara I really don't care." The red-headed girl said, concentrating on stirring her potion.

"Don't forget to increase the temp-"

"I know Clara." Lily smiled.

Clara turned around to look at the two odd boys. They were too smart for their own good and had already begun their potions, although they had just arrived in class. As if he could feel Clara's gaze on him, Sirius looked up from his potion and caught Clara's gaze. She ducked her head in embarrassment and got up to present her potion to Slughorn.

"Merlin, James."

"Yes, babe?"

Sirius continued to juice his four leeches as he talked, "Is it just me, or does Green have an amazing arse? I'm looking respectably of course." 

"Obviously, Clara is totally hot, man," James said, stirring his potion vigorously. Ever since boys started taking notice in girls, they had taken notice in Clara. 

"I'd tap that fox." Sirius watched Clara as Professor Slughorn complimented her on her potion. Sirius was mostly staring at her legs, when James hit his head, "Ouch, what was that for?"

"You know Clara is almost like a sister to me." James said as he poured in leeches to his potion, "So you're weirding me out. Plus, she'd never let you 'tap that'."

Sirius looked at his friend, "I bet that she would."

**❖**

After dinner, the Lily and Clara decided to retire to the common room earlier than usual, refraining from going to the library again. Clara was tired and Lily didn't want another run-in with the four Marauders. But there was no avoiding the group of four mischievous boys when they all shared a common room. Although the chances of running into the Marauders were high, Lily and Clara were sitting on the couch in their shared common room. Their friends, Marlene, Michelle, and Laura were talking about some kind of gossip that was happening around the school. It was a normal day, and everything felt right.

But when the Marauders walked in, the girls' excited chattering stopped completely and they all silently stared at the group.

"Um, Marlene..?" Sirius Black asked to say something to her, and Clara looked up in surprise.

"What, Black? Are you going to hex me again?" Marlene shot back, trying to sound confident but in all reality, she was a bit scared of being embarrassed.

Sirius rolled his eyes and glanced at Clara, almost as if he was making sure that she was watching, "I was just going to say that I'm sorry, okay McKinnon?" He raised an eyebrow at the shocked blonde then sat down in one of the couches next to James and joined in their conversation.

Clara couldn't believe what her ears had heard, "Acting 'good' for the sake of someone else doesn't inherently make you a good person, Sirius. You can't just shortcut life like that." She then elbowed Lily to go upstairs with her. As Clara walked out of the room, she looked back at Sirius only to find that he was already watching her leave. Did he actually take her words to heart, was she stupid to hope that he would?

But after thinking extensively about the incident, Clara chalked it up to Sirius just acting odd. _**(** Once is an incident, twice is a coincidence, and three times is a pattern. **)**_ She thought that he probably just wanted to get into her or Marlene's pants anyway. Or maybe this little out of character act was apart of some big scheme him and his friends were planning.

Then came the coincidence.

After the weekend had passed, everything went back to normal. The end of the year was coming up, Lily and Clara were studying more than ever. Severus would often go with them to the library. Severus and Clara would exchange notes on potions and converse about different techniques. But today, Severus Snape was not with them.

About half an hour later, Sirius approached the pair. Lily didn't look up from her astronomy textbook but Clara looked up and raised an eyebrow at him, "Clara I-"

"Shhh!" Lily said, still not looking away from her book, "I'm studying- shut up."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "I was-"

"Shhhhh!"

Sirius glared at the red-head, "Lily-"

"Shhhh!!"

"Merli-"

"Shhh!"

Fed up with Lily, Sirius took a piece of parchment from the table and wrote something on it. Then he handed it to Clara, winked, and walked away. Completely baffled by Sirius' need to say something to Clara, even though they barely talked and had no need to. She read the paper.

_Your hair is breathtaking,_

_And I think beauty should be shared,_

_Perhaps in the form of pudding._

This was odd, Hogwarts didn't even usually serve pudding.

Clara looked down to her hair. This morning she didn't have the time to straighten it, so her normally straightened hair was in its natural tight curls. Her reason for styling it every day was a mixture of trying to fit in and prevent anyone with touching her hair. Pulling on a strand, the coil bounced as she let go. Her mother loved her hair, saying that Clara inherited it from her aunt, was Sirius talking about this hair or her straightened hair?

A few hours later, it was time for dinner. Lily had finally gotten her face out of her book and was adamant about eating.

"I am so hungry."

"You've said that a couple of hundred of times, babe."

Lily rolled her eyes, "Well it's true, humour me! The library always seems so far from the Great Hall when one is hungry."

Clara rolled her eyes, "I'm not Severus. I am not going to dreamily stare into your eyes as you complain about being hungry."

Lily's cheeks burned, she hated when Clara brought up Severus like this, "Shut up, Green."

The two girls finally reached the Great Hall, and the warm smell of food greeted them. Lily ran towards her usual seat and immediately started grabbing food and eating. Clara followed behind her and saw James gaze at Lily _**(** who at this moment was shovelling spaghetti into her mouth **)**_. He was looking at her as if she was a veela. Clara didn't know how he could do that, it looked as if Lily was trying to stuff a plate in her mouth, this was not Lily's best looking moment.

Dinner went on, as usual, conversation with their friends, light-hearted insults towards the Marauders. Then dessert came along. Lo and behold, there was pudding. Absentmindedly Clara reached for some, but before she put it on her plate she remembered the note Sirius had given her. She looked over at the Marauder's plates, none of them were eating the pudding either. So Clara refrained from eating that particular dessert that night.

The next morning Clara was awoken by screams.

Laura and Michelle were in the bathroom and were both freaking out, "What in the hell is happening to my hair?"

In horror, the girls of Gryffindor soon realized that almost everyone had the same type of curl that Clara naturally woke up with. No matter how many spells were used- it just wouldn't go away. Laura and Michelle were openly complaining about it, asking to borrow Clara's straightener, but Lily and Marlene just laughed it off. Marlene even admitted to liking the change. 

When breakfast began, it was obvious it wasn't only the girls affected. Almost all the population _**(** guys and gals **)**_ of Hogwarts had this new hair texture. A scarce amount was completely clear of this curse. 

Clara constantly thought about the note that was tucked in the pocket of her robes, she didn't want anyone to find it. _**(** Who knows what would happen if she was the cause of the Marauders getting in trouble. **)**_

While the note she was given was complimenting her, in some ways she hated that this happened. As multiple people were complaining about it, it felt like she was being singled out and indirectly insulted.

However, at lunch Sirius walked by her, himself sporting the tight curls, "Honestly Clara, I am loving the change." He himself reached out and touched a strand of her hair that she had straightened the night before, "Your hair always looks beautiful, whether its curled or not."

But this had to be just a coincidence.


	2. BLOODY FRIENDS

**CLARA GREEN LIKED CARDS.** Any kind of cards really, she liked playing games, building castles, learning complicated tricks, and numerous other activities. Her love for cards was limited to the standard 26 deck until she found an odd kind of cards.

One day during primary school, Clara had gotten a detention for the first time ever. She was waiting for her mom to come to pick her up when she saw something sparkle in the light. Looking down, Clara Green saw a deck of shining cards that seemed to be held together by a ribbon. In the sun they almost looked like they were glowing. The air surrounding Clara stilled as if telling her _this is important_. She picked up the cards and untied the crimson ribbon binding them together.

These cards had different images on them, each giving Clara an odd feeling when she looked at them as if this was meant to be. Then she realized that she was holding _tarot_ cards. Quickly after this Clara became obsessed with them and everything having to do with the stereotypical _'Fortune-Teller'_. She devoted much of her young years to learning card tricks and creepy old allegorical tales. Oddly enough, Clara Green was damn good at random little tricks. She could read someone's tarot card successfully and often could know odd things about someone just from hearing their voice, seeing them, or holding an object they owned.

Her talent was dismissed by her mother, as a muggle who was married to a wizard Mrs. Green assumed that this was _completely_ normal in the wizarding world, but when her father saw her talent for the first time he looked scared. He warned her to never use that trick in front of strangers and then mumbled something about talking to Dumbledore.  
  
  


**❖**   
  
  


In the beginning of her fourth year at Hogwarts, the Marauders had mostly given up their pranks on students and had moved to more tasteful 'practical jokes'. These were waged on the school grounds themselves, Filch, or whoever was teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Clara had given up her disgust for the "Marauders". And after hanging out with them once while Lily and Severus were fighting _ **(** they were the worst to be around when they were fighting **)**_ she could grudgingly admit that they weren't _that_ terrible of company, although Severus Snape didn't approve of her newfound friends. 

"I don't understand how you can stand to hang out with Sirius and James at the same time, separately they're perhaps bearable but them together is a recipe for disaster," Lily said as she brushed her hair.

"First of all, it was only really one time. And I'm not saying they're saints, I'm just saying they're not as bad as they were last year." Clara knew how much Lily loathed James Potter. He seemed to make it his mission to tease her and make her blush as much as possible.

It was the second week of classes and the study trio was in the library doing homework with a varying amount of intensity. Lily was gleefully working on charms. Severus was leisurely writing a potions essay that he already knew everything about. But Clara was struggling through her history of magic essay, she had no prior knowledge of any type of magical history so getting all this information to stick was difficult.

"Clara, you're absolutely crazy, you've befriended baboons." Lily gathered all of her papers, "But I think I need a change of scenery to concentrate. I will see you, Severus, tomorrow and you, Clara, probably tonight." With a wave, the Gryffindor left her pair of friends.

"She's right, did you just suddenly forget how those jerks are such." He searched for a word, "Jerks?"

An uncomfortable feeling washed over her, Clara had forgiven the group of boys in a sense. They seemed to treat her well and Sirius had shown her multiple acts of kindness over the course of the last year (although Clara considered him to be the most intolerable one out of the four). She supposed that she was just tired of hating them, hate took energy. Additionally, it felt like Severus was trying to pick a fight with her.

"Well, they treat me nicely and haven't you noticed they haven't been cruel to the undeserving?" Clara said cautiously, knowing the Slytherin's hate for the 'Marauders'.

"Treat you? Especially cruel?" Severus sputtered, "They are _bullies_ , Clara!"

The intensity of his words surprised her and annoyed her, "So you're saying that people can't change if they've been bullies in the past?!" She gripped her quill, "Their pranks used to be borderline malicious but now it is almost like they are trying to make people laugh, and bring light to peoples' days. They've grown and know what is acceptable now."

"People don't change!"

"They can if they try." Clara said, "I am not perfect, I can't say that I believe that everything I've ever done is right and correct, so why should I expect the same from everyone?"

Severus rolled his eyes, "You think they'll try for you? You're nothing to them, they ignored you for years, treated you like the rest of the Hogwarts population. Once you've become boring they will go back to their bullying ways and turn their backs on you."

Clara was so upset, she felt a burning in her chest and her eyes teared up, "Just because you're so blinded with hatred doesn't mean that everyone who isn't Lily Evans is the devil. So please stop being such a sour, greasy jerk and find some bloody friends!" Clara hurriedly stuffed her book in her bag and marched away from him as he called at her, sounding childish,

"Well I wouldn't want _bloody_ friends, that would be grossly gory."

Normally Clara would've laughed at the ridiculousness of her friend's statement but she was so blinded by her rage she ran up a whole flight of stairs without feeling any burn in her legs and entered her dorm room, slamming the door behind her.

The quickly jumped onto her bed and yelled a scream of frustration into the pillow. Clara sometimes had a bit of a temper and whenever she argued with someone it was like there was a ball of fire in her chest and it hurt. If she didn't let out the energy she would say something she regretted.

The group that had caused the argument were sitting on the couches and chairs in the common room closest to the stairs leading to the dorms.

"I wonder what was wrong with her." Peter Wormtail said after the group saw the fiery girl angrily dash through the common room.

"Perhaps she needs chocolate."

"Remus, not everyone desires chocolate when they are upset," James said with closed eyes.

"Liar." Remus smiled, " _Everyone_ loves chocolate!"

Sirius was silent, he was looking at the doorway Clara had disappeared through to go to her dorms. He wondered whether she really did need some chocolate. Or someone to talk to.

He didn't know why, but seeing her look upset, upset him as well. 

**❖**

The next day, Clara had resolved to avoid Severus for a day and if she was feeling in the right mood, forgive him tomorrow. And she while she eventually did, after this incident, she didn't completely trust him.

A month went by, it was halfway through the first semester and work was piling up. School was especially hard for those who cared too much about it. And Clara Green cared, she spent a lot of time now in the common room working. One rare night, she had finished her work and had begun reading. The whole week she had heard the Marauders whispering behind her in the common room, mentioning her name many times. Numerous attempts were made to approach her, but they all ended with her ignoring them-- Clara had transfiguration to finish and she did not want to see McGonagall's Disapproving Face ™ for the second time in one week. But today, she was relaxed... A bit.

"Blimey Clara, you're stunning."

Clara turned to see a smirking Sirius Black standing behind the couch she was sitting at. His all-too-casual facade made it seem like he wanted something- and Sirius Black always wanted something.

"Why thank you." Clara Green said and then turned back to her book with the resolve to ignore the handsome bastard. Marlene always said that he was trouble and Clara's judgment was impaired when around the boy. So Clara wouldn't be swayed to do whatever he was about to ask her to do.

Sirius sat down next to her, "So Green, it's funny."

"What is?"

"Our last names, they match. Both _colors_."

Clara knew the bombshell was coming, she rolled her eyes, "Yes, so?"

"I guess it's destiny.."

"Bloody hell!" Clara Green was fed up with the suspense, "What do you and your 'Marauders' want?"

He raised his eyebrows, keeping up the act of innocence, "What makes you think that we want something?"

Clara gave him a look.

"Fine, you've caught me." Sirius leaned in closer to Clara.

"It's about this map."

There was an awkward pause, Clara expected that it was the boy trying to pause for dramatic effect, "X marks the spot."

Sirius turned to her, confused, "What?"

Clara rolled her eyes at the clueless pure blood, "It's a muggle saying. Continue."

Sirius then told her about how they had an idea for a map that showed all of the secret passageways, the rooms, and even showed where people were in Hogwarts. Sirius said that they had the thing working partially but then needed more information about the grounds, and Clara was the one person that could find out weird, interesting things about something in a jiffy. She thought that this was a splendid idea and that the boys were truly smart for even getting the thing to work.

"So, where is the map?" Clara leaned forward towards him, she was invested in this story and it would take a lot for her to be disinterested.

Sirius smirked and pulled the parchment out of his back pocket, "I present the Marauders Map!"

Clara touched the parchment and could almost feel the energy and time that had been put into it. She looked and saw everyone in Hogwarts. As she opened the map further, she could see Dumbledore pacing about his office. She could even see the elves working in the kitchen.

Clara's lips parted, "Beautiful."

"You truly are, Clara Green."

Clara chuckles and playfully shoved him, "Bugger off." She felt suddenly warmer.

Sirius asked, "So, any ideas?

She then wrote down all the charms needed to perform this task and wrote down what the opening words were.  
  
  


_Messrs. Lupin, Petigrew, Black and Potter_

_Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers_   
_are proud to present_

_the Marauder's Map_


	3. TAROT CARDS

**SHE DIDN'T MAKE FRIENDS EASILY.** Clara was actually very notorious for terrible first impressions. Numerous times she would accidentally injure the other person, or offend them. James Potter always claimed that when he met Clara Green, she gave him the flu. He was two-years-old at the time and claimed that the sickness 'scarred him for life'. _**(** This story was always up for constant debate. **)**_ When Clara met Lily she immediately afterwards dropped her plate of food to her lap, staining her new robes. Poor Peter, she slapped, thinking that he was someone else. Right before Lily introduced her to Severus Clara made a not-so-nice joke about dark Slytherins with him overhearing. But throughout all of this, one of the funniest stories was the meeting of Marlene McKinnon and Clara Green. _**(** The pair is constantly teased about it by their friends. **)**_

It was their first year, they had both been sorted into Gryffindor, so Marlene and Clara were roommates along with Lily, Laura, and Michelle. But Marlene was asleep when Clara first got to her dorm so her infamous meeting of Marlene was in the hallways of Hogwarts.

She was hanging off the arm of a third-year Ravenclaw, pretending to listen to him when she saw Marlene McKinnon. She was laughing in a way that made the sun catch her hair and made her glow. It was as if she was in slow motion. Marlene McKinnon was the type of girl that always captivated everyone around her. Gracefully, she lifted a hand to wave at Clara- who took an immediate disliking to her.

"Yes, sweetie. How about we go somewhere else to continue this riveting conversation." Clara looked at the boy through her eyelashes, a move she had seen many of the girls in her old school use. He nodded and followed wherever Clara was leading him to as she called out, "Who knows what kind of mirror-warmers might try to take you away _here_ , yes you McKinnon." Clara Green chuckled innocently and walked away.

If the incident had stopped there, it wouldn't have been as good of a story.

In their first year, Marlene was very easily angered and Clara very vengeful and sensitive. They both were adored by the boys. It was their first year at Hogwarts— the year that every student was quick to try to forget- and these girls were not excluded from that group. This first incident led them to toy around with each other and sometimes using some poor third-year boy as the rope in their tug-of-war.

Yes, both now know how ridiculous they were being. But everyone wants to forget their first year, Clara and Marlene are definitely on that boat. They were a bit boy obsessed their first year.

But then one day, it stopped. Granted, it only lasted a few days at most but the two made up. Marlene mentioned how she really didn't care about _any_ boy's attention and Clara told her that she really didn't know anything about the wizarding world. So ever since then, they helped each other and became very good friends.

If Marlene McKinnon was captivating, then Clara Green was thrilling. She was the person that appeared in your dreams, the girl who didn't walk through life but ran. Whether you hated her or loved her, being around someone like Clara often lit a spark behind people's eyes not possible with anyone else. But she didn't indulge many people and had few close friends. Ever since she stepped into the castle walls she walked with such confidence people didn't know what to do with her. The only thing they knew about Clara Green was that she was special. She looked like a goddess that never tripped or fell. So she flew. Face, heart, and soul too pure to have ever touched the dirt ground.

The first time she saw him she stumbled.

They say your eyes are the window to your souls, and she fell right into his. Flashes of grey, she saw a woman who looked like herself laughing, she saw a young boy with a scar using his wand to defend him, she saw some dark floating figure shutting a barred door, flashes of a dark-haired man with a red-haired wife, and finally a dog running in the snow.

"Ow." Clara had said, after stumbling into his arms a bit.

"Tsk, tsk. So clumsy, how did you _already_ fall for me?" He joked concealing his nervousness.

Clara Green was thrilling and Sirius Black was an adrenaline junkie.

She was thinking about that moment as she watched Sirius read the papers she had written out the day before. Clara had stayed up writing down all of the spells, double-checking on her own parchment. She even used her own calligraphy skills to write out the opening lines of the map.

"Wow, James has always talked about how smart you are but just... wow," Sirius said and handed the parchment to James.

Written on the page was the exact instructions for how to go about concealing the paper's true contents from anyone who didn't have the password. Including the defence feature which would use the personalities of the boys to insult someone who tried to reveal the contents in any other way. James smiled as he read his childhood friend's ideas, "My little Clara, smart as they come."

"So the four of you each have to cast that spell yourselves," she pointed to it on the paper, "So that it will be four different people thinking through the map. It shouldn't take that long." Clara then smirked, "Now for my end of the agreement?"

James and Sirius looked at each other and the latter produced a scrap of paper from his pocket. It was small but it held four signatures and the promise of Clara's immunity from all pranks- else any punishment of her choosing.

Clara gladly accepted the parchment and shook his hand, "Pleasure doing business with you." Her voice was suggestive and low. Clara Green was testing him, trying to see how he worked. Sirius Black didn't, he wouldn't, back down.

So he played along, "The pleasure is all mine, madam." He flipped her hand over and kissed it.

But she wasn't one to be outdone, "Oh you are quite too conservative. This is a _serious_ deal." She then turned to James and kissed him for a second on the cheek. James stared, wondering what she was playing at.

Sirius smirked, thinking he won. Clara Green was notorious for her half-serious dislike of Sirius Black. They constantly bickered, making fun and teasing each other. She would never kiss him, even if only on the cheek. But he underestimated her competitiveness. Clara turned to Sirius, touched his side and kissed his cheek, for a significantly longer time than James. Wolf whistles were heard around the common room. Smirking Clara took a step back and glanced down to the Black boy's trousers. Her eyes twinkled with mischief. The notorious Clara Green chuckled as the turned to walk away and called out.

"Down boy."

**❖**

"You should have seen his face." Mary was dying of laughter. Clara and a few other friends had taken the liberty to go down by the Black Lake for the afternoon. By taking snacks with them the group could stay out for hours.

"Michelle turned so red when she realized what you meant." Lily giggled, remembering how Michelle froze and glanced at Sirius with a combination of shock and horror, most of the girls that were in the common room during the incident had a similar reaction.

Clara took another drink of water, "Yeah, almost as red as Lilypad's hair." Laughing, Lily hit her shoulder as she stuck her tongue out.

Marlene, Michelle, Laura, Clara, and Lily were all roommates and luckily they all clicked and became good friends. _**(** The only roommate they didn't like, Bree, had her own set of friends. **)**_ Frank Longbottom's "girl-who-is-a-friend" Alice accompanied them today. Frank wanted the group to feel her out. After the incident with his last girlfriend, he wanted to make sure a girl was trustworthy before he started seeing her.

After last time, Clara didn't blame him.

"So Alice," Lily said after their laughter died down, "Do you want to see Clara's tricks?"

Alice's eyes widened, she had heard about her tricks. Clara loved drawing attention and putting on different shows. Constantly she was found with a handful of students around her in awe. She was like an act, all smiles with a dash of mischievousness behind her eyes. But it was very hush-hush, she didn't want the teachers to know.

"Sure." And that was all the prompt Clara needed.

Smiling, she pulled out her tarot cards. Clara turned the cards in her hands, the familiar texture made her feel at home. She always felt right with these cards. Lily motioned for Alice to sit in front of Clara. Then she started.

She began with a couple of flamboyant card tricks, which her friends oohed and awed dramatically at. She shuffled and then fanned them out on the ground in front of her. She hovered her hands over the cards and then pointed to a section, and asked for Alice to choose one of those cards. When she did Clara moved it aside.

"Ask a question," Clara said, closing her eyes.

Alive thought for a moment, as a knowledgeable witch she had the common sense not to ask anything too serious, "What will Frank and I's relationship be like?" The girls around her have sounds of approval in response to her question.

Clara then drew three cards, "Rank these from 1 to 3." Alice did so. Clara then breathed deep as she touched the cards, this was the most vital part of the reading. She then flipped them over in order of how Alice numbered them and explained what they meant.

Her mouth spoke on its own, "First, this card _the prince_ symbolizes happiness." A young man was pictured kneeling, "You will have good days. Then _the warrior_ symbolizes fighting but unlike _the knight_ card, which you don't have, _the warrior_ symbolizes a short fight ending in agony and suffering." A man was seen, half his face unmarked but the other wounded. " _The sun_ card can symbolize hope but paired with these cards it says that you will be alive without strings, without sadness or joy. And you will be missing something." There was a picture depicted of an unforgiving yellow and golden sun. It was the kind of thing that 

Clara then opened her eyes. The group of girls was leaning towards her as if they tried to make sure they could hear every word that she said. Their faces held varying looks of wonder as to whether her prediction would ring true. She laughed at their awed expressions, "These readings can sometimes be very off. It's all up to interpretation. But I'm _almost_ always right." Clara laughed and roughed Alice's shoulder, "Oh, and you want to be an Auror?"

"How did you know?" Alice hadn't told anyone, it wasn't necessarily uncommon for a woman to be an Auror but it was usually men who took up the profession.

"Lucky guess." Clara winked, "Now I think it's dinner time soon!" The group laughed. Lily caught Alice's hand as they walked away. She felt accepted. In an hour Frank Longbottom heard a lot of good things about Alice. He looked across the table to her as she blushed while Clara went on and on about her. Frank felt warm when she looked at him.

If his friends with good judgment liked her, what could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some 70's slang used in this part:  
> mirror-warmer -- someone who is so self-centred they constantly look at their reflection in mirrors.


	4. SUSPICIONS

**SIRIUS BLACK WAS STUPIDLY BRAVE.** This meant that it was never him who would sit back and watch people get taken advantage of, especially if they were innocent. But this also meant that if he didn't like someone it caused Sirius to be very unapologetically vicious towards them. And that person was Severus Snape.

Sirius and James hated him the moment they saw him and resolved to knock him down a peg. But they underestimated him and soon realized that Severus was a lot stronger than most boys his age. So they continued with the relentless cycle of hate, from both sides.

It was a well-known fact that the pair hated him, so when the Gryffindor boys became popular outside of those in their year because of their talent on the Quidditch field most people hated Severus Snape also. This annoyed Lily Evans deeply and made her very defensive of him.

"Stop glaring at him! He did nothing wrong!" Lily called out to a student from across the dining hall.

Lily's wand was pulled out during transfiguration, "I'll hex you if you say one more bad thing about Severus!"

"I swear to Merlin-" Lily was interrupted during their free period by a poor Ravenclaw.

"I only meant to ask for his pencil."

Clara noticed how much her overprotectiveness annoyed Severus and how this caused a lot of arguments between the pair. One day Severus yelled at the girl and Lily slapped him saying something about how 'she was not as fragile as a flower'.

Needless to say, Severus didn't join them in the library for a while.

"I cannot believe his nerve. I am just being a good friend! I hate boys with their stupidly fragile masculinity." Lily said, exasperated. She was as stubborn as they came and Clara knew that she could not push her fiery friend to forgive Severus.

They were sat in their common room by the fire, Clara was absentmindedly doing card shuffling tricks as Lily ranted about the annoying boys in her life.

"I'd be lucky to have you as a good friend, Lily," James smirked as he nudged Clara- causing her cards to go flying.

"James Potter!" Clara said in an annoyed tone but just waved her hand, using wandless magic, and collected her cards.

The named boy slid next to Lily on the couch, "So Lily, when are we going to become a thing we'll be the next... Jomeo and Ruliet." His eyes shown with pride at what he thought was a good muggle reference.

"First of all its Romeo and Juliet, you should really pay attention to Muggle Studies, and secondly.." Lily pretended to think.

"Yes, babe?" James asked, smirking through the embarrassment of his mistake.

Lily sighed dramatically, "I'm just trying to remember how to say no in the idiot dialect of English."

Clara snorted, she loved watching the pair interact. It was like watching the telly.

"Oh baby, I don't _only_ speak idiot," James twirled Lily's hair in his hand- who looked very unamused, "I also speak body, I can give you a language lesson?"

Lily smirked right back, hitting his hand away before flipping her hair into his face, "I'm good thanks." She smirked, knowing she had won this encounter. Little did she know that she held James Potter's heart in her hands. Every move that she made James was enchanted more and more, this was obvious as he was overcome a lightheaded feeling as he accidentally caught a waft of perfume from her hair. To be completely honest, James nor Lily believed that he had much of a heart to give.

**❖**

Ever since Severus and Lily had been fighting her and Clara never studied in the library anymore, and Clara loved studying in the library. It was the only place where she could get stuff done, she got distracted everywhere else. In the dorm, Marlene's cat would distract her and in the common room, James' dog (Sirius Black) would.

So Clara was on a mission and marched down to the dungeon after dinner to find Severus. She asked the passing Slytherins where he was and they said that he liked to study in some abandoned classroom. As Clara Green walked she practised what she was going to say. That Lily honestly felt bad and was acting differently because of the separation. Truthfully though, that was a bit of a lie. Lily was different but wasn't saddened by their altercation. She had been finding that she did have other friends. But Clara wanted her library spot back, so she was willing to sugarcoat the truth.

She clutched her thin jacket tighter to herself.

Clara turned the corner and saw a classroom that sort of fit the description that the Slytherin gave her, there was some type of charm on the doorway and it gave Clara an unbearable feeling to run in the opposite direction. She shook it off and entered the open classroom, looking around. She noticed a lot of odd knick-knacks lying around. It was in a way that made the room look very lived-in but neat. Then Clara peeked behind a corner and gasped.

There was an open book on the ground and all of a sudden the smell of blood was rank. She saw Severus and a few other sketchy Slytherin boys there, one of which she recognized as Lucious Malfoy. They were speaking softly but quickly-- no urgently, she could almost feel the immorality of the room. The feeling of darkness wrapped around her heart and made her feel as if she was choking. It felt like the stench of blood was suffocating her. Severus was the only one facing her, but before he could see her she ducked behind the bookcase that blocked her view of them as she first entered the room.

She could barely hear him say, "No, that's too far." As she decided to turn and sprint away.

What had she just witnessed?

Clara dashed up the stairs, terrified. Whatever they were doing was definitely on some level dark magic. It looked as if they were trying to convince Severus to join them. But he had refused. Or maybe he had actually seen her and was putting up false pretences? Whatever the case was, she could never look at him the same way again. Clara was still scared, his voice didn't seem too sure of his refusal. What would it take for him to go over the edge? She knew that he was a very ambitious person and that to him dabbling a bit in the dark arts wouldn't be a big deal, especially if no one he cared about was hurt.

She also knew how much he hated the Marauders, she saw the raw look of it in his eyes when they were teasing the Slytherins. His eyes were full of uninhibited malice and hate. Every time they teased, every time Lily gazed at James for too long, any time he twirled her hair, Severus was just burning with helpless misery. Severus Snape was walking the line between good and evil, and Clara Green didn't trust him enough not to cross to the other side. 

She immediately went to the common room, it was dark and past curfew. Whispering the password to the Fat Lady, Clara crept into the common room.

"What are you doing?" A voice asked.

"Riding an elephant, what does it look in doing, Remus?" Clara deadpanned.

The boy was curled on a couch with a book. The bags under his eyes were prominent, he didn't look good. She felt a tug at her heart.

"I'm fine." He said, trying to dim her pity.

Clara was someone who cared so she sat down, "You don't look okay. Do you need space?"

A beat passed, Remus sighed in relief, "Yes." Clara turned to go up the stairs again, knowing that she herself needed space right now, "Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Clara chuckled half-heartedly, "We have many ghosts around here."

"Stop avoiding the question."

"I just..." Clara stopped, was she okay? Was it possible to feel nothing inside when one of her oldest friends was- "I'm worried for a friend."

Remus chuckled even though both knew the emptiness behind it, "Okay.." he glanced out the window, "It's a full moon tomorrow, watch out for those lunatics."

"You know the word lunatics comes from-"

"I know."

Clara blushed and a feeling of exhaustion came over her, she felt as if she was going to melt into the ground from exhaustion, "Well I'm tired. Goodnight, and try to get some sleep."

"I will. Goodnight." Remus lied.

He wished he could be honest. Remus Lupin wished more than anything that he wasn't cursed, that he wasn't burdened with the knowledge that once a month he had the power to kill everyone he cared about. 

He hated that if people knew his secret they would hate him and be scared of him, and he hated it because that was how he felt about himself.

He took another bite of his chocolate, hoping that the sweetness would kill the part of himself he was ashamed of.

Meanwhile, Clara was lying in her bed, unable to sleep. Severus hadn't been written off in her mind till that moment. He was someone she trusted, and he was capable of this? If she was wrong about him, could she trust anyone?


	5. FINDING OUT

**THE CASTLE WAS QUIET.** At least currently from what Clara Green heard. As she walked down the halls, skipping, with a book in hand she was content. The book was a muggle trash romance novel, they were her guilty pleasure. This one was of the supernatural variety. And judging by the cover _**(** although you are not supposed to 'judge a book by it's cover' **)**_ which had a moon and a wolf on it, the book was of the werewolf variety.

Clara hummed happily. She was gleeful for this time to read in silence in the Great Hall. She came very early specifically for that reason that it would be quiet. The one bad thing about being sorted into Gryffindor was that it was always loud all the time in her common room. Normally Clara was one of the reasons but when reading a book, she could have no distractions. So she began reading her book: Dancing in the Moonlight.

_Mandy thought, Damn he looked good without a shirt. Even if he's a bi-polar arrogant kind of guy._

Clara continued reading her novel until Lily came and stole her attention. Thoughtfully reminding her about the transfiguration essay due.

The pair were about to leave when Dumbledore caught the attention of the whole room. He stood at the podium that he conjured up, "Good morning students! I hope that your breakfast is delicious. The weather has been very good." It felt like Dumbledore was staring right at her. "The dungeons are very dark as usual." McGonagall stared pointedly at him, "Oh yes! Onto the point. Next fall we will be travelling to Beauxbatons for a Triwizard ball. Durmstrang will be attending also. Your parents have been notified. The ball will occur over Christmas break. You will not be going home next winter break unless your parents requested otherwise. Toodles!" The podium then disappeared and the students started chattering very loudly.

"A ball?! I love France!" Lily started talking very quickly, "I can't wait to meet so many other wizards and learning new things. It'll be amazing!"

"I know, imagine all of the attractive Russian men." Mary was swooning already.

Marlene was about to burst, "And French ladies!" She pretended to faint.

"I agree with you, Marlene." Peter Pettigrew leaned an elbow on her shoulder, "French gals are a gift I cannot wait to unwrap."

James scoffed, "They make em' good in England too." He pinched Lily and Clara's cheeks and Lily swatted his hand away immediately afterwards, feigning annoyance.

Clara nodded in agreement, however, "Yeah, they do make the ladies good in England."

Peter Pettigrew had a mischievous look on his face, "So if you girls were gay, who would you marry."

Marlene snorted, "I'm _am_ gay and I'd marry.." her eyes looked around but landed on a Hufflepuff sitting behind her, "Her!" She then grabbed the unknowing girl's waist and dipped her for a kiss.

"Holy shit, a demonstration!" Sirius yelled, excitedly and shook a very ill, put-off looking Remus.

Marlene pulled away from the Hufflepuff and quickly confessed to actually dating the girl, she wasn't the type to be kissing random people without their permission, "I just couldn't miss the opportunity to see your guys' faces! Let's go birdie." She smiled at her girlfriend like she was her own personal ray of sunshine, and walked out of the Great Hall with her, sticking her tongue at her friends as she left.

Mary said, "I'd definitely marry Clara."

Numerous girls, from their table _**(** and if she heard correctly, other tables also **)**_ gave sounds of agreement, "I totally agree." Alice said with a wink sent Green's way.

"I'm flattered, really," Clara called out to her admirers, with a jovial tone.

There was a collective laugh and Clara turned to Lily and asked, "Who would you?"

Lily sighed, "I would want to marry Farrah Fawcett or something."

"Who?" All of the people who didn't know of muggle culture asked.

"Doesn't matter," Lily laughed, acting like it didn't affect her, "What about you, the infamous Clara Green?"

"Hmmm." Clara already knew her answer but pretended to think, "Lily Evans."

"Me?"

"No the other Lily Evans."

Lily was really blushing now, "Why?"

Clara chuckled and decided to annoy Lily, "You're hot and seem like a good bang."

"That's it??!" Lily screeched, clearly furious, "I'll let you know that I am very smart and a good cook too!" With that, she gathered her books and left the hall with a flare.

James watched her leave, "And _that's_ why I'd marry her."

The group laughed in unison, James Potter had that quality about him. He seemed to charm a whole crowd with his words. He always seemed to know the exact timing to say something, the right tone, when not to make a certain joke. But when he was one on one with someone he seemed a less than desirable partner in conversation as he became more self-conscious. _**(** Maybe it was because he as an only child. **)**_ But when he met Sirius Black it was different.

Sirius seemed to understand him even when alone with him. James had the bad habit of rubbing the other person the wrong way when alone with them or just being plain awkward, but Sirius seemed to get a kick out of it so they clicked automatically. Lily Evans, was the opposite, however.

She didn't care about what the 'crowd' thought. Lily Evans cared about individual people. And their minds, intelligence, the way they treated others was important to her. James Potter didn't like acting intelligent, he didn't want to be seen as a smart-alec. And James Potter wasn't good at making one-on-one connections. He had many acquaintances but few close friends.

Normally it wouldn't matter to James that one person didn't like him, but Lily Evans marked herself as forbidden fruit and James Potter was a boy. Boys always fell in love with the girls who didn't want their affection simply for that reason.

Lily Evans definitely didn't want his affection, therefore James Potter fell hard.

**❖**

_'What are you?' Mandy asked, a little scared of the dark-eyed man in front of her_ _  
_

_'I'm dangerous,' he stated, 'You need to stay away from me.'_

_Mandy couldn't help but-_

"No no no!!" Clara Green yelled as she punched her book, "If you want a girl to leave you that's the exact opposite of what you say you dumb-"

"Enjoying your book?" Of course, it was Sirius Black lurking in the common room. The boy had a knack for knowing when she was alone, Clara thought as she watched him for a moment. His hair was unkempt and curled around his jawline. His grey eyes reminded Clara of a dream she forgot, her cheeks heated up for an unknown reason and she hid behind her paperback.

Clara pretended to be enjoying her book, as Sirius said. But surprisingly all he did was just sit in his own chair and close his eyes.

After her wristwatch's big hand said that fifteen minutes had passed, Clara attempted conversation, "So why are you staying up so late? Out here in the common room?"

"Waiting for Remus. Why are you?"

"One of my roommates snores. Makes it impossible to read."

An awkward moment passed.

"Where is Remus? Does he usually stay out this late?" Clara asked, a bit concerned about the most tolerable and sensible member of the Marauders. Who knows what hell Hogwarts would become without him?

"I haven't the faintest clue, about once every couple of weeks. Who is the one snoring?"

"Marlene."

"The snoring lesbian."

Clara's eyes narrowed, "Don't be judgmental."

"And cross you? Never. Besides, it's nothing to be judged." He smirked, "Pray tell.. have you ever indulged Marlene?"

Just when Clara thinks he is being sincere and kind, he says something like that to push her buttons.

"Goodnight." Clara shut her book abruptly, thoroughly put off and stood to leave.

Sirius caught her hand as if to stop her, Clara pulled away quickly. Sirius Black stared at her, trying to figure out why he wanted Clara Green in particular to stay. But he couldn't find an answer in her dark eyes, so he let her go.

As she laid in bed, as usual, wide awake. Her thoughts drifted to earlier this school year. Why did he treat her differently? She often felt his misty eyes following her down the hall or across the classroom. She had to admit that _sometimes_ she was flattered by the attention. As she finally drifted asleep Clara found herself wondering what his lips felt like.

That next morning Remus wasn't at breakfast. Only Sirius and Clara seemed to notice as they conversed about it for a moment. But the fact completely slipped Clara's mind for the rest of the day. She went about her classes as normal. A little nap here a little learning there, normal. Until some Ravenclaw got a fainting spell during class and Professor McGonagall made her fetch a remedy from the infirmary.

While she grabbed the necessary tools from some witch helper named Sue she heard Remus and Poppy Pomfrey arguing.

The older woman sounded concerned, "You mustn't do this to yourself. Go home where someone can give you better care for your.. condition." She said the last one as if saying it too loud would cause the world to end.

"I do not mean to be rude but I believe that is my decision to make, Miss." Remus Lupin said, sounding as if she said this to him every month. He tossed aside the curtain with his hand and Clara jumped behind a corner before he could realize she had been eavesdropping.

I should wear James' invisibility cloak more often if I am going to keep sneaking around, Clara thought as she tried to calm her erratic heart.

The rest of the day Clara was in a weird mood. With a figurative knot in her stomach, she couldn't figure out why Remus would be acting like this. Clara racked her brain but she had the frustrating feeling that it was staring at her right in the face. At the dinner table, she sighed and opened _Dancing in the Moonlight_ again.

_Hairy arms, extreme strength, disappears once a month, inhuman good looks, how could she have known? Now her boyfriend was staring at her, fangs and claws out-- a werewolf. The wolf is out of the bag._

'About once every couple of weeks.' Sirius had said. His _condition_ Poppy had called it. Clara had seen his tired eyes, the bruises that he tried to hide, the scars. They all seemed to manifest around the time of the...

"Full moon." Clara Green whispered, figuring out a secret that wasn't rightfully hers to know, immediately regretting figuring it out. Why couldn't she leave it alone? 

"Tired from yesterday?" Sirius Black asked, interrupting her thoughts as he slid into the seat next to her. Half of him wanted to know the cheeky answer but the other half wanted to see that small blush on her cheeks.

Some arrogant third-year asked, "Oh yeah, _Mr. Black_?" Mocking his pureblood status, "What was she doing last night?"

The girl in question rolled her eyes and deadpanned, "Him." Clara Green left all the people in hearing range, including Sirius, stunned. Never had Clara been any more than mildly annoyed at his existence. Always trying to one-up him.

"Oh yeah, baby? Want to give that show a rerun for me?" The same boy tried to redeem himself.

But before anyone could do anything Lily Evans turns around with a confused face to look at the younger Gryffindor, "Who _are_ you?"

James, Sirius, and Peter burst out laughing, repeating Lily's _**(** now infamous **)**_ statement in different voices. Marlene let go of Anne's _**(** the new Hufflepuff girlfriend's **)**_ hand to slap the table she was laughing so hard at the boys. Lily turned a shade of pink but she still pursed her lips at the boy who was now trying to melt into the floor in embarrassment and flicked her red hair over her shoulder.

Clara Green kissed Lily's cheek and said, "And that's why I'd marry you if I was gay."

Lily giggled and hugged Clara realizing how important she was to her. She couldn't imagine a world without Clara Green in it. Lily opened her mouth to say something endearing but James stopped goofing off for a moment to call out, "You're too late I called dibs!" And then quickly began his and Peter's bit about if the Queen of England met Lily Evans.


	6. EYE OF THE HURRICANE

**THEIR FOURTH YEAR HAD COME** **AND GONE** with a bang, so did half of fifth year. During that time some Gryffindors caused trouble, tears were shed and injuries were caused. Clara at the end of the fourth year confessed what she knew to Remus and promised to help him. She was surprised to find that three other boys already knew and were working hard for a solution. Animagus. That was now a constant thought in Clara's mind. Whether it was reading a book about it or wondering what animal she would be. Her, James, and Sirius often snuck out at dark to search through the restricted section for information. But their escapades were cut short when all of the Hogwarts students that were in fourth year and above were shipped off to France for a Triwizard ball.

The time had finally come.The student body of Hogwarts had been waiting, longing for this day. Girls' trunks were overflowing with clothes, boys were discussing how many girls they were going to allegedly bang, and everyone shared a common feeling of excitement. Clara and Lily had spent two weekends over the summer looking for the perfect robes to wear to the ball. They planned to find dates for the ball in the Russian boys who were also attending. Lily already had a prospect, her and Aleks had been flirting the whole time the Hogwarts students had been staying at Beauxbatons.

Clara had no such luck choosing.

While she enjoyed talking to all of her new company, she wanted to go to the ball with someone who could interest her and whom she could hold a conversation with without the conversation turning to themselves for longer than 20 minutes. Some of the French boys were interesting enough but their eyes seemed to linger longer on her chest than her face, apparently used to girls who were used to this behavior but Clara was put off.

James Potter had elected himself to distract Lily from Aleks and was doing everything he could to win her affections. Guided by Clara Green he didn't fail _as_ disastrously as usual, however in the end he always still managed to offend her and the conversation ending with Lily remarking , "I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid." Needless to say, things were not going well for the young Potter boy.

Remus Lupin decided to not take the trip to France, he was one of the handful of students that decided to go home instead of France for Christmas. Peter Pettigrew felt his absence the most, making a fool of himself in the middle of a crowd of girls was hard to recover from. Severus Snape and Clara Green never fully reconciled. She had seen too much and feared for Severus. She was civil but was forever wary of him and the darkness beneath his skin.

But there were more dark wizards in France than at Hogwarts.

"That's where you're wrong Valentine. Muggles have just as much right to the world as we do. Just because we can wave a wand and they cannot doesn't mean they're animals!" Clara Green often found herself defending her mother's race more than ever. With the Durmstrang students also in France, the number of people who considered muggles less-than grew exponentially. Almost all of the students from Durmstrang had learned some sort of Dark Magic, and with that usually came the idea or belief they were above everyone else. Darkness was cast wherever they went but Clara always rebelled by shining some light.

Clara Green and Lily Evans were eating breakfast in the "Dining Chamber" as the students at Beauxbatons called the room. The French school was decorated like a dream. It was all silk and smiles, summer flings and midnight kisses. Wood nymphs sang songs of romance at all meals, Clara thought it was charming, Lily preferred to focus on eating rather than her lack of serious boyfriend.

Lily had once again denied James, this time on the grounds that he ate one of her chips. Sirius Black had begun playing with Clara Green's hair. For some reason he always wanted to smell it, and always it smelled of roses. Sirius Black was smitten. Her laugh, her smile, her lips, her legs, the doodles on the corner of her napkin, the way she glided instead of walked, her legs, her witty jokes that took a moment for anyone to understand, _her legs_. Her hips, the way she looked when she wore muggle clothes, merlin, he thought. He pushed down the urge to press his lips to the laugh lines on the corners of her lips.

Sirius moved his books from the table to his lap and turned to talk to Peter.

Clara pretended to herself that she wasn't disheartened when Black stopped playing with her hair. She rubbed her arms to hide the goosebumps that had risen. 

This small vacation was a small burst of happiness before everything started going downhill. Lily had grown to prefer letting Potter down easy when she rejected him, Sirius and Clara stopped getting into as many stupid competitions, Marlene had found herself a long-term girlfriend, everyone was happy. There's almost a veil that goes over your eyes when you're on a trip with your friends. Things that are usually annoying at home are fun and exciting, especially when you have others to do those chores with. _**(** The group had found themselves out all night doing laundry. _**_)_** When you are away from familiar surroundings, people seem to let go of their differences and grow closer together.

Unfortunately Beauxbatons wasn't all sunshine and roses.

One night Clara caught herself in a bad situation. It began with a makeout session with one of the more tolerable French boys named Étienne, continued with Clara unsuccessfully trying to sneak back to her own room unnoticed, and ended with multiple wands being pointed at her. _**(** And not the wands boys usually liked pointing at girls **. )**_ As she surveyed the crowd around her she only recognized a few faces like Goyle and Severus Snape.

Clara Green was excellent at acting confident when she wasn't, "Have I strolled into a late-night book club? I'm sorry to intrude. I'll be going.."

One of the boys who's names she didn't know spoke with a thick accent, "Ah, muggle lover. Kome back to taunt us. Funny vith joke."

Clara spied a book sprawled on the floor to her left, under a chair it looked as if it was cast aside to try to hide it. She quickly cast a spell to distract them, and soon a scream was heard from a closed broom closet behind the group. When the group turned to the door in horror she cast a silent summoning charm and the book was in her hand. One word came to her attention, Voldemort. Clara's blood ran cold. The words on the pages disappeared. The boys turned back around and fear was in their eyes when they saw what was in her hands.

Goyle began, "Petrificu-"

But before he could finish his spell Clara shouted out, "Protego." She cast a Impediment Curse on Severus before she turned and ran for her life.

Multiple trip jinxes could be heard from behind her but she quickly cast a shield charm to ward off each one, her arm began to hurt from the motion so she cast some offensive spells, "Stupefy!"

The floor met her face as she fell from one of the trip jinxes and she felt a strong pain searing on her hip and cheek. She ignored the tears running down her face and scrambled to get up. Soon she heard only one pair of footsteps running after her, she was so close to her room and only had to round one corner. She assumed her only remaining assailant was Severus for they had not attempted to cast a spell in her direction, hopefully her Impediment Curse on him would last until she was safe.

When Clara turned the final corner she felt a hand grab her arm roughly, pulling her back. Clara swung her elbow backwards into Severus' face and ducked under his arm. Bringing out her wand, she silently cast the disarming charm and caught his wand. She then pointed her wand at his neck.

Frozen Severus put his hands up. The air around them stood still. Clara Green cast the counter-curse for the hex she cast on his tongue, "How could you?" Her voice cracked. She saw him in the dungeons all those months ago but she never thought that it would come to this. Her and him couldn't be on opposite sides of a war he was.. Severus. He was the boy who didn't like to eat the crusts on his toast, the kid who comforted Lily with her when she was anxious about leaving her parents that first term, he was someone who Clara thought wouldn't cross this line.

Severus' eyes held sadness and regret, but also a hint of cockiness, "I can't be weak. I hate them, Clara." He went to touch her shoulder but she took a step back, "Do you not understand that they make my life a living hell? They've stopped doing it while you and Lily are around but that doesn't mean that they've completely stopped." She could hear the turmoil and pain in his words, "I thought that Hogwarts was going to be the place I would belong, the place were I finally would be.." He shied away from her gaze, "Accepted. They ruined it, they ruined everything!" His voice was raised and echoed throughout the hallway, Clara flinched but stood her ground.

"Snape, you were always good with words." Clara shook her head, a feeling of anger in the pit of her chest, "But you can never persuade me with anything, nothing is an excuse to follow him." She pushed her wand closer to his pale, cold neck causing him to step back, "Do you know how many of my people have died? How many muggles, muggleborns, half-bloods have died because he thought that they were tainted?"

Severus' expression turned annoyed, "You think I believe in that shit? All I want is to learn to be stronger be more powerful, and if some of his followers can help.. so be it."

Clara's chest burned with anger at his stupidity, she knew that once he started down this path no one could bring him back, "Power is all you care about? Fine, Snape, I won't say a word about your little group. But you hurt Lily." Clara handed him back his wand, "All bets are off and I won't protect you anymore." As Clara let go of his wand she didn't see Severus' conflicting eyes anymore. She saw flashes of conversations. _The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches..._ she heard a woman's voice say in a monotone sounding manner. _You can kill the boy and his father just not the mother._ Clara heard Severus' voice say, then she heard him

"I would never cause Lily harm," Severus whispered, trying to convince himself that he was making the smartest decision.

Clara turned around, shutting the door behind her.

Severus heard Clara's piercing voice as she cast some protection spells onto her room. After this event Clara began to live in a constant state of paranoia. Constantly putting up defense charms, constantly looking out of people who wanted to hurt her and the people she loved. This paranoia continued even after the first war.

**❖**

The incident of the prior night caused some tension between Gryffindors. Clara only revealed to her friends that some boys tried to beat her up and Snape was a bystander, she made no mention of the Dark Lord, keeping the unsaid promise to Severus that she wouldn't tell Lily the specifics of his dark path of ambition. James and Sirius were shocked and angry to find out that Lily still cared for him and still wanted to be his friend. Clara said nothing of the subject, it was Lily's decision not hers.

"You can't trust Snape."

Clara rolled her eyes and continued walking through the library, trying to shut out the annoying voice that was James Potter. He was trying to convince her to tell Lily that she should have nothing to do with the 'bottom-feeding loser called Snape' as James put it. James continued to pester her for as long as his attention span could support, therefore minutes. So then he changed tactics and charmed a chair to float, following Clara as he sat in it and poked her.

This continued for about an hour and a half until Clara finally snapped, "James!" her words brought with the a strong gust of air, rattling everything around her a quarter of a meter. This included James and his chair.

Clara sighed, regretting her reaction. Frightened students stared as they picked up the scattered pieces of paper that her burst of magic brought. With a wave of her wand everything was back into place and she sat down on a couch with James.

"James, your problem is that you're focusing on the wrong things. Like right now instead of talking to Lily you're trying to convince me to convince her that Severus isn't good news." Clara smiled and put her hand on his shoulder, "I love you, James, I know you. You're good, all you need to do is drop this 'cool-boy, player' facade and show her the real you. Yourself. Instead of making me do the dirty work."

The raven-haired boy nodded, "I wish I was more like Sirius with stuff like that." James looked away, "Sometimes I feel like I'm just pretending to be brave, but him. He'd face fucking Voldemort and not act any different."

"Yeah, if only you had his looks too. You'd have Lily roped in by now." Clara laughed and messed his hair.

James smirked, "Oh you think that Sirius is attractive?"

She sputtered, stammered, turned red, all the symptoms of an embarrassed person, "James-"

"I see it now, Clara Green and Sirius Black, the unstoppable duo."

"Stop it, I swear-"

James just laughed and continued, "Soulmates, the thing of songs, stories." In a typical James Potter manner, he began to outrageously and flamboyantly stand up and continue, "In the years to come people will tell stories of the star-crossed love that is Sirius Black and Clara Green."

His speech might have had some impact if Peter Pettigrew hadn't come rushing in at that moment with a horrified look on his face. Clara and James turned to him, worried.

The small boy sucked in a deep breath of air, "It's Sirius," Remus glanced in Clara's direction, "He's challenged Snape to a duel."


	7. MOMENTS

**BOYS WILL BE BOYS.** That's what they all would say. A phrase designed to excuse around half of the population for their actions just based on the fact that they were 'supposed' to be immature. A phrase that puts the responsibility on the female party to forgive or put up with their actions, because the belief that 'boys will be boys' completely exonerates them from blame. But Clara was never one to let things go just based on what was in between a person's legs. So Clara was not in a perfect mood as she angrily stormed through the long hallways of the French wizarding school. 

Students _**(** and some staff members **)**_ jumped out of Clara's path as she trudged onward towards 'Star Tower', which was basically the Beauxbatons equivalent to the astronomy tower. Peter and James followed her hurriedly, James tried to help out his friend by giving excuses for why it was honourable to challenge someone to a duel. Clara didn't listen.

When they finally reached their destination, James and Peter ran towards Sirius and was immediately swallowed by the Gryffindor crowd that was there to show their support to Sirius Black. On the opposing side of the room was Snape and his crew, people who you would not like to get on the bad side of, else you might get tortured or perhaps die. 

Peter was standing next to Sirius who was rolling up his uniform sleeves past his forearms, Sirius' eyes were trained on Snape who returned the look as she smoothed down his robes with one hand, flipping through a potions book with another.

No one noticed Clara Green at first, too absorbed in the scene that was about to happen. But all eyes turned as Clara stomped towards Sirius and grabbed him by his ear and dragged him to the middle of the room.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow," Sirius whined until Clara let go and did the same to Snape who just stewed as she dragged him to the middle.

Everyone watched silently as Clara whacked them both on the back of their heads, "What are you two thinking? Is this 19th Century _America_?" She asked incredulously as she paced in front of the pair. Sirius began to speak but was interrupted, "I can defend myself, Sirius, I don't need you and your fat ego to go fight my battles for me." Clara turned to address the crowd, "You've all seen me duel. Do I need protecting?" 

Both sides of the room shook their heads and a unanimous "No!" was heard. Some even went as far to give examples of how Clara had bested most of them in school-sanctioned duels.

"And you." Clara glared at Snape, "I thought you had more sense to reject his duel. I mean is your masculinity that insecure that you cannot even say no to a stupid duel?"

Some Gryffindor hollered a "Yes." in response to her rhetorical question and Clara sent such a withering glare in the voice's direction that people yelped and jumped out of the way.

Clara felt movement behind her back, and a few gasps were heard. She turned and faced Snape's Blackthorn wand pointed at her. Clara raised an eyebrow and stood straighter. It was like time stilled and time around her froze. 

"You know I don't words or a wand to cast an effective hex, Snape."

Severus's hand shook slightly as he lowered his hand, avoiding her eyes in shame.

With that, Clara turned and exited the room. As the noise of the crowd of students faded, her breathing shallowed and tears filled her eyes. 

"Merlin." She muttered under her breath and immediately ran down an empty hallway to deal with her erratic emotions.

Back in the astronomy tower, Marlene McKinnon turned to Michelle, "Sirius messed up big time, Clara is rarely serious like this. It looked like she was about to cry when she left."

Sirius Black overheard this, and his stomach dropped. He was doing this _for_ her. Not to hurt her. He looked at the doorway that she disappeared through and decided to follow her. 

Following the sound of footsteps, he soon found her pacing a barely-used hallway. He cautiously approached her, as if he was approaching a wild animal, "Clara I-"

"Don't say you're sorry." Clara looked up at him angrily, and Sirius' heart stopped as he saw the redness of her eyes- she had been crying, "I know you won't mean it."

"What in the world is wrong?" Sirius asked, pushing down the urge to raise his hands in surrender, but genuinely confused as to why she would be so emotional.

Clara rolled her eyes, boys were so stupid, "I'm not sad, I cry when I'm extremely angry." She glared at him, which Sirius realized was even scarier while her eyes were red, "I'm angry at you and Severus and the whole damn universe."

Still puzzled, Sirius asked, "Why?" he took a step closer to her, "You know I'm a stupid prick, you've never gotten this pissed off before."

"Because," Clara sighed and paused to gather her thoughts, "You have to pick your fights." 

"What?"

Rolling her eyes she wanted to laugh at his stupidly confused face, but she stopped herself saying, "You can't just threaten and beat up everyone who disagrees with you. It is wiser to fight for the things you truly care about."

"Why not?"

Clara sighed loudly, squeezing her eyes and hands shut, "Ow." She rubbed her hand, "Shouldn't have done that." Her nails were longer than normal and had caused four crescent-shaped cuts in her right palm.

Sirius rushed to her, kneeling while immediately taking her hand in his own. Looking at her knuckles he sighed, "It'll need a healing spell."

As he stuck his hand in his pocket to grab his wand and whisper a healing spell Clara opened her mouth to insist that she do it herself, but something inside her didn't mind the way he held her hand delicately, the way he looked at her.

Time seemed to still as he looked up at her and said softly, "Good as new." He held onto her hand for a moment too long and stood up. Swallowing, Clara looked up at him. She wetted her lips as she looked into his grey eyes and how he looked back.

"Nothing I say can excuse how I reacted. I was acting on my pride and my emotions, and seeing you like this," He swallowed, "I never want to make you cry. I was doing this to make you feel safer, I did this because I care about you. And I know I'm dumb because even if I have good intentions it doesn't mean that my actions are warranted." He took her left hand in his as well, "I don't want to be like my parents. I've acted like them for a long time and used it as an excuse but I'm trying to stop. This was a step back in that goal, and I'm sorry."

Sirius Black didn't know what to do, as Clara stared at him, he never wanted this moment to end. He was afraid to move, lest this split second be left in the past and forgotten. Every moment before he assumed that he was mesmerized by her only because he was attracted to her. But at that moment, as he looked into her eyes, something shifted inside of him. As if his heart was telling him that something felt right when he was staring at her with her hands cradled in his.

"Clara!" A voice called, "Where are you? Are you okay?"

Snapped out of the spell, Clara blinked. She gasped as she saw how close hers and Sirius Black's faces were. 

"Coming Marlene!" She called and ran away, leaving him alone.

Sirius stared after her, watching her. She turned as she reached the corner and looked him up and down. When she disappeared he realized as he felt his racing heart,

"Fuck, I'm screwed."

**❖**

Lily couldn't believe how many things she confiscated from Hogwarts students during their stay in France. So many French goods had been bought, increasing the number of items Lily, as a prefect, was required to confiscate.

One of those had been a small vial of Amortentia.

Usually Lily could push down her curiosity with her practicalness. But something about the tall tales of Amortentia intrigued her. Such an overlooked potion, the negative consequences taken too lightly by the wizarding community but Lily was always fascinated by it.

So she decided to smell it.

She only took one whiff. Lily smelled mostly what she expected, vanilla, freshly mowed grass, and the smell of a bonfire. But she smelled something else, something sweet but she couldn't put her name on it.

Lily Evans didn't make anything of it.. until the next morning.

Most all of the fifth year Gryffindors sat together for breakfast every morning. Bickering but smiling, the group aways found each other. Lily walks up to the rambunctious group, trying to shake the dream that she had the night before.

"What's taking you so long, Lily?" Clara called from where she was sitting, her long black hair sweeping towards the small of her back, curving around her elbows. 

Lily smiled warmly and sat down.

Then she smelled it. 

She realized what it was now, warm honeysuckle. Wafting towards her, she stood up again and stood in the middle of the aisle. Where in the hell was that damn smell coming from?

The red-head turned and looked to her left. There stood James Potter, in all his dishevelled glory, albeit in his pyjamas. Wiping his eyes tiredly he yawned and walked towards the Gryffindors. As he passed her, the smell just filled Lily's nose even more.

"Lily?" 

She turned once again, and to her right, on the other end of the aisle stood Severus. Her Severus. Lily paused for a moment, caught between them.

But she chose to walk towards her childhood friend and Lily tried to tell herself that she wasn't running away from her problems. But as he hugged her tight and whispered a "Good morning." in her ear. A part of her was too smart to believe herself.


	8. DRUNK IN LOVE

**THE DAY EVERYONE HAD BEEN WAITING** for had arrived. Lily had naturally gone with Severus **_(_** _as 'friends' she insists_ ** _)_** and Clara had found a suitable date who looked dashing in a suit. Marlene had her own girlfriend as a date, and Clara's other friends had all found companions to accompany them to the triwizard ball. As for James, he was going stag. Whereas his best friend, Sirius, was rumored to have scored a date with the very beautiful Veronica, a French veela who hated Clara.

The smell of artificial perfumes and scents filled the girl's halls as they got ready for the ball. Thankfully, the female Hogwarts population had been given a separate set of dorms away from the French girls who probably would have hexed a couple of girls due their excessive noise. One could barely walk one step before hearing a shriek of a girl who was horrified that they messed up their makeup.

Clara was putting the finishing touches on her smoky eyes and Marlene was slipping on her ruby red dress when Alice let herself in the room. Sleek and beautiful, she looked stunning in her cream dress. Alice smoothed down the tulle of her dress with her hands and said to the girls, "Looking beautiful as always."

The pair smiled at her, for they knew she wasn't lying. Marlene was stunning in her deep red, halter neck dress that went to her toes, covering her Stan Smiths. And Clara was stunning in her princess-style navy blue dress that seemed to enchant an entire room as it swayed in the air. Her gigantic skirt was enchanted as it twinkled.

"Ready?" Marlene asked, the others nodded and they departed.

None of them had spoken to Lily lately. She had kind of disappeared and retreated into her studies, not talking to them or Severus Snape as much as usual. They did still talk to her, but she seemed colder than usual— a coldness only close friends could notice for to the normal trained eye, Lily was acting normal.

Clara shrugged off her concern, Lily would talk to them when she decided it was time. She didn't want to suffocate her best friend. As she linked arms with Marlene and Alice, however, she felt an emptiness in her chest.

Robb, Clara's date, greeted her politely. His cologne wafted over her as he kissed her briefly on her cheek. He smiled at her with his blue eyes as he said, "You look amazing, Clara Green."

She smiled at him and responded, "As do you, Robb Martin." And she defiantly was not embellishing her response. Robb looked— for lack of a better word— yummy. His coordinating navy blue suit was tight enough to hint at his muscular body, but not too tight. They had agreed to go to the ball as friends, but Clara still couldn't help the butterflies that came with seeing him.

How did Clara not notice this 6th year Gryffindor before?

Marlene was already spinning her beautiful girlfriend, laughing and looking like the epitome of happiness. Alice was blushing red at Frank Longbottom as he presented her with a beautifully simple necklace. And then Clara saw him.

Sirius Black sure knew how to make an entrance.

In his all-black outfit, Sirius somehow took the simplicity of it and made it eye-catching. Clara could have sworn his teeth sparkled as he ascended the stairs. In his hand a lone red rose he held, swinging it back and forth as though it was casual. Every girl in that hall locked her eyes on it and desired to be the one he presented it to. Clara felt so also, albeit she wanted to see his face as she cruelly rejected him.

Sirius strutted over to Clara and Robb, in an arrogant way and said smoothly, "Damn Clara, you're looking like a fox."

The girl in question rolled her eyes and let Robb guide her towards the hall where the festivities were occurring. Sirius stopped, staring after them— a feeling in his stomach that he didn't quite recognize. But he spun on his heel and went on his way.

The ball was as entertaining as could be, with a respectful dance partner. Clara's feet hurt from the dancing as Robb, Marlene, and Anne sat down at a table to take a break. Robb and Anne graciously offered to bring their dates drinks so Marlene and Clara got a chance to gossip.

"Did you notice who Sirius came with?" Clara asked Marlene, the question had been nagging at her for some unknown reason.

Marlene smirked, "I don't think he came with anyone." She paused, her eyes twinkling, "I think he's still hung up on _you_."

Clara's jaw dropped and she began to laugh hysterically until she noticed she was alone in her laughter, "You can't be serious. If anything he only wants to screw me, he doesn't hold me to a different standard than anyone else."

Marlene sighed, "He's been caught up in staring at you and trying to gain your attention for a while now. Surely you've noticed."

The black-haired girl shook her head and smoothed down the front of her dress, "Sure, but he does that with anything that has legs and is somewhat attractive."

Marlene grew serious and put her hand on Clara's, "Just watch and see how he acts differently with you." She held a knowing look on her face— the look in her eye, the way her lips pursed together, "And you'll see."

Clara didn't believe it. Granted, the past few years Sirius hadn't been _as_ cruel to her and her friends, but she watched and saw as he put his charms on multiple girls. It seemed as if every time she would see him he was doing something ridiculously stupid or some girl was hanging off his every word as he made her laugh. The idea that Sirius Black held a candle for her was laughable in her eyes.

Trying to ease the tension, the blonde girl's lips quirked up as she asked in an excited tone, "Did you see James? Dancing all by himself, I feel bad but at least it looked like he was having fun."

Clara laughed at Marlene, "You know what was sweet, Alice and Frank slow dancing to every single song even if it wasn't a slow one."

"That was sweet for a hot minute until I was trying to boogie and they kept getting in the way!" The pair doubled over in laughter and continued to laugh until their dates came back.

After a time of drinking the magically spiked punch ** _(_** _Sirius and James enchanted the punch so that when a student drank from it, it was spiked. But if a teacher drank from it all traces of alcohol were nowhere to be found._ ** _)_** the group was feeling more relaxed. Anne had fallen asleep with her head on Marlene's lap, while Marlene herself was getting into an argument with Robb about some Quidditch team. Clara found herself observing the room around her when Sirius Black presented his hand to her.

With his hand came a smirk on his face, "May I have this dance?"

After shooting a glance that clearly said _'help me'_ to her date, who just shrugged. Clara helplessly nodded at Sirius whose hand was still outstretched. She groaned internally in annoyance as she took his hand and she led him to the dance floor, because if she had to also deal with him leading her— Clara might scream. After Marlene's words, she did not want to be around Sirius.

An upbeat song had been playing when the pair first walked on the dance floor but the moment they finally turned to each other to begin dancing, the song changed to a slow song. And Sirius smirked as he placed his and on one side of her waist and began leading her through the racing crowd.

After a beat of silence, Sirius asked, "Having fun with Robb?" He acted nonchalant about the question but Clara could tell by the way his hand squeezed her waist and how he looked to be in pain that his words were not so uncaring.

"Yes. And where is your date?" They both knew he didn't have one.

Sirius smiled, his confidence returning, "Just waiting for the girls without dates to come flocking to my side."

Clara rolled her eyes at his stupidity but smiled widely. She could now tell when he wasn't being serious and saying things to just irk her. She chose not to react.

"There's that smile." Sirius chest swelled with the idea that _he_ did that, "I've missed it."

Clara narrowed her eyes suspiciously, "You barely saw it to begin with."

That much was true. Although they had many neutral friends, Sirius always found himself barely seeing her one-on-one unless he specifically seeked her out. Sirius so desperately felt the urge to impress her that he often made a fool of himself just so Clara would turn her head to look at him, and maybe smile.

Sirius had never gotten over those damn _legs_.

Tonight her legs were not even showcased as she floated about the room in her navy dress, but Sirius still felt his eyes drawn to her. Her hair, her eyes, her arms, the deep cut of the neckline of her dress, her _everything_ drew him in. He felt his anger threaten to bubble over when he saw Robb Martin by the side of Clara. When he saw her laughing with him it was worse, his stomach dropped. It should be _him_ making her laugh, not Robb.

Earlier when James saw him not doing anything, save watching Clara he shook his head and told Sirius to ask her to dance, so he did. Sirius hoped an upbeat song would be on so he could perhaps throw some funky moves to make her laugh, to make her eyes shine. But he was disappointed when the slow song came on.

But as he felt Clara in his arms, he wasn't disappointed anymore.

The pair exchanged small talk and genuinely were enjoying themselves. Sirius was flirting, but not as shamelessly as normal, and Clara seemed to not be revolted at the sight of him. So when the song came to a close, Clara found herself disheartened and didn't object when they danced a second one.

Since the next song was a bit more upbeat, the pair had more opportunity to dance in their own styles. But as they danced they found themselves getting closer and closer, Sirius found that his hands found her waist or clasping her hands more often than they didn't. Clara found that her stomach seemed to be fluttering and she found her face flushing red as the song went on and as they came closer together. **_(_** _She also found herself staring at his lips more times than she would admit to._ ** _)_** By the end of the second song, the pair had gotten so comfortable with each other that Clara had allowed his hands to be so low on her waist that a couple more inches down and they would be resting on her bum.

When the pair made it back to the table Clara had been sitting at originally they found a bored-looking Marlene playing with Anne's hair, she told them that Robb had to attend some family emergency and McGonagall had fetched him only a bit after Clara left. After delivering this information Marlene woke up Anne and the two girls retreated to find their respective beds.

Left alone, Clara and Sirius decided to use the spiked drinks to their advantage. Soon, Clara found herself surrounded by Sirius' friends: Peter, James, and the couple deemed 'Fralice' decided to join their small party. The group was very tipsy, but Clara and Sirius the most out of all of them. The whole night James had been waiting for her patience to run out and for her to start a bickering match with Sirius but the whole night had gone smoothly. There were only smiles on her lips, not angry words.

The group had moved from the dining hall to the living room of the boy's dorms and almost everything had fallen asleep. Frank and Alice retreated to her room **_(_** _to do god knows what_ ** _)_** and the rest of the boys had retreated to their rooms, but Sirius and Clara remained. Her heels had long been removed, she had transfigured her formal gown into a casual nightgown _**(** that was mostly modest **)**_ and the giddiness from her drunk stupor had worn off as she laid there, relaxed, while Sirius Black played with her hair.

Sirius had not only drank the punch but also the gin his friends had kept hidden in their room, Clara had refused so Sirius was in a much more drunk state as he asked, "Do you want to hear a secret?"

Clara turned to face him and smiled in a way one might smile at a silly child, "Of course! What kind of secret is it?"

Sirius chuckled, "A very important one, my friends don't even know about it."

Her eyes furrowed, she couldn't imagine a secret where his friends were not informed. Most of the Hogwarts population assumed they all could read each other's minds or something, "Oh really? Then tell me." Clara smiled with amusement, "I won't tell anyone."

Sirius' eyes widened, "Okay." He then took both of her hands in his own and said, "I think I'm in love with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, he probably jumped the gun on that one...


	9. CHANGES

**ROBB'S FAMILY WAS DEAD.** Just like that, a split second he was dancing the night away with the beautiful Clara Green— then the next moment, gone. Gone was the happiness, gone the naivety, gone his childhood. All of these things were over.

After the majority of the Hogwarts student body found out about this news, the trip back home was a comparatively sombre one. Everyone seemed to be in mourning, perhaps not over the family specifically but over the fact that _they weren't safe, none of them were._

The death of the Martins marked the first killing of a non-muggle/muggleborn family by ' _you-know-who_ '. People assumed they were targeted because they supported muggleborns. Students walked in clusters, many feared walking alone at night, all having received letters from their loved ones, warning them of _what came out at night_.

To Clara Green this news was most alarming, her mother was a muggle, and although this fact was not well-known **_(_** _most people heard her last name and assumed that she was a pureblood as her father came from an upper-class pureblood family_ ** _)_** she still carried the fear of her mom dying on her mind, almost always. She found herself always writing letters home and feeling unsettled and scattered until she heard back. Her friends would often find her curled on the ground, asleep after talking to her parents through the floo network.

Lily had found her way back into the group and had distanced herself slightly from Snape, the shock of what was happening in the world around them brought together the most unlikely of people. It was shocking to see Lily be in the same compartment as James without screaming, but they put up with each other to be there for Clara who thought of them as her family. Peter, Remus, Marlene, and Anne were on one side of the compartment playing Exploding Snap. They were laughing but their smiles were slightly forced and their laughs sounded short, as the Martin family was on everyone's minds.

Clara was sound asleep, her head resting on Lily's lap, who was sitting as far away from James as possible. Clara's feet rested on Sirius' lap as he chatted with James **_(_** _and as he tried to figure out what to do with his hands, did he rest them on her foot or...?_ ** _)_**. Lily's stomach dropped as she watched her good friend sleep, she smoothed her hair and felt guilty. Lily Evans was anything but stupid, so she knew it was Severus who had rattled her friend, that he had gotten himself wrapped up in the wrong business. But they had been friends for so long and if she left him, what other good influence would he have? It was a flawed idea but Lily felt that she owed it to him to turn him into good, to turn him toward the light.

The red-head wasn't the only one worried for Clara, Sirius was also throwing multiple glances at her angelic face— albeit more subtly. At least he thought it was subtle until Marlene narrowed her eyes at him and neglected to play the card game for a bit as she moved over toward Sirius and James' side of the apartment.

"So I heard about your little _confession_ after the ball." Marlene's words always seemed blunt and straightforward, but after knowing her for a while people learned that there was always a purpose behind her words.

James coughed next to him, "What confession?!"

Lily shushed him from the opposite end of the bench, and Sirius did along with her. He did _not_ want Clara waking up now.

"Fine, what confession?" James asked in a quieter voice.

"It's no big deal." He deflected.

Marlene snorted, "Oh really? It's no big deal to tell a girl you _love her_?"

"What?!" The rest of the compartment, save Lily and Clara, exclaimed. Lily of course shushed them even more urgently.

That's how the large group found themselves huddled outside their compartment, trying to listen to Sirius and Marlene tell the story of what happened after the yule ball.

"Firstly, I would like to say I was incredibly wasted."

"We know." The group exclaimed and rolled their eyes as they heard Lily shush them again, this time in good humour, from inside the compartment.

Marlene jumped in, "She laughed in his face. Hysterically laughing. She almost died of laughter."

The group tried to contain their laughter as Sirius tried to defend himself, "I wouldn't say she almost _died_ of laughter."

She raised her eyebrows, "So why did she tell me so when she told me about it the next morning?"

Sighing Sirius relented and told the story, "So after the whole night was over it was just us in the living room of our dorm. The whole night just felt like one of those muggle movies you know? She was smiling at me, laughing with me. When we were dancing it took everything in me to not to kiss her, then and there." He ran his fingers through his hair, nervously, "So when she was just sitting in my arms, smelling so damn good, I just felt the words stumble out of my mouth. And, merlin, in my drunken stupor I kept trying to convince her that I wasn't lying. But she wasn't having it. She was laughing and giggling and messing with my hair-"

Sirius sighed, hating that he was telling this story, "And she let me down easy I guess, but basically said I was drunk and that she didn't think I had the capacity to focus on _one_ girl for long enough to love her."

"Sirius-" Marlene began.

"No, it's no big deal." Sirius said shortly, "I mean it's true, I never gave her a reason to think otherwise."

"Do you?" A quiet voice that Sirius didn't know James possessed asked, "Do you love her?"

Sirius chuckled, "No that was the booze. I get a tad overdramatic." He again ran his hand through his hair, "I do really, really like her. I am not sure what I want yet."

"Then why-"

"Hey, what's with the party out in the hall?" Clara rubbed her eyes as she loudly opened the compartment door.

Marlene, Peter, Sara, James, and Sirius all jumped apart quickly. Glancing at each other their minds scrambled for an excuse.

"I lost my sock!" Peter blurted, immediately turning red.

James hummed in agreement, "Yes, we were helping him look."

Dark eyebrows furrowed as Clara looked at them suspiciously, "Okay. Did you find it?"

"Find what?"  
  
  
  


**❖**   
  
  
  
  
  


Hogwarts was different too. When their **_(_** _magic_ ** _)_** train arrived at their school, all of their trunks and persons were searched. When the 4th year and older students finally returned and joined the younger kids the dynamics had changed. Everyone was suspicious of each other, especially of the Slytherins. Normally Clara would feel bad for such prejudice to be created against an entire house simply due to the fact that a past member was now a mass murderer, but they seemed to be revelling in it. Those who believed in pureblood supremacy had taken up the practice of frightening the young muggleborns whenever they would pass them in the halls.

The school had been one of unity, but it began breaking— starting with House Slytherin.

They all felt the shift in the world, the war was beginning. And the effects of it were only just now starting to show. Cracks were just now starting to show.

These changes in the atmosphere only brought on more house unity. The group of fifth years **_(_** _Lily, Clara, Marlene, Anne, and the Marauders_ ** _)_** had begun to spend more and more time together. Lily not as much, sometimes she and Clara would retreat to the library— no war could discourage their study habits. The only difference is that when Severus world stroll in, Clara would leave.

Sirius and Clara's relationship had changed. He still wanted to snog her but Clara seemed to treat him as an annoying sibling more than anything. It was this dynamic that brought them to the current moment in Slughorn's potions class as Clara was brewing a potion as Sirius did everything to distract her, "Please control yourself."

He chuckled and continued to poke at her side. Clara was impossible to distract during potions lessons, she was the only one in the school that could brew a potion more effectively than Severus Snape. Right now she wasn't even brewing the potion assigned— she had finished that one a while back.

Lily was sitting with Severus the potions class so Sirius left James with Remus to accompany Clara, "Why?" He poked her again, "Am I distracting you?"

Rolling her eyes, Clara said, "No, but you're annoying me."

Sirius frowned at her deadpan response, "How did you get so good at potion-making anyways?"

"It started when I was young and I wanted to learn about magic, and my father had a 'basics of potion making' kit." Clara continued to put the correct ingredients in her cauldron like it was second nature, "It was something that made sense to me, and my mom-" she stopped herself and glanced at the Slytherins that were about the room, "Well she preferred potion-making to me learning how to blow things up."

Nodding along with her story, Sirius began handing her the correct ingredients, "Soon I had mastered the basics of potion-making and I was finding innovative ways to speed up the process and make the brews more potent, more reliable."

"How old were you at this point?" Sirius asked.

"Around five or six." Clara stared nonchalantly as she began mixing the potion counterclockwise.

Students who were eavesdropping on Clara's sorry gasped and began whispering to each other, it was extremely uncommon for such a thing to be mastered at a young age.

She continued, "By the time I entered Hogwarts I was brewing potions for my dad and helping out at Mungos."

Sirius couldn't help but feel his chest swell with pride. Clara was so talented that she was helping the number one wizarding hospital in England before even entering Hogwarts. He was gazing at her with a lovesick expression when he said, "Wow, that is truly amazing."

"Thanks." Clara smiled, not looking up at him as she finished stirring the potion. She couldn't help but get flustered when people complimented her potion-making skills, it was her only weakness.

Sirius watched her as she approached Slughorn with her second potion. This time he wasn't looking after her legs or bum, this time it was her hands, her hair. He was wondering what it would be like to hold her hands, wondering what her hair smelled like.  
  
  
  


**❖**   
  
  
  


Later that night, if someone decided to peek into the 5th girl dorms' windows they would see an upset Clara Green finding comfort in the embrace of Lily Evans.

Lily didn't know why Clara Green looks so unnerved. She simply came running into their room in shock, Lily had been reading in her bed at the time, and started pacing the room frantically. When Lily asked her what was wrong Clara barely got a word out before she started crying in frustration. That brought them to where they are now, Clara snuggled in the embrace of Lily Evans.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Lily said, trying to sound the least judgmental as possible.

Clara sighed, "It is a number of things that have been stressing me out." When she saw that Lily was intently listening she continued, "The whole thing with Robb's family is really getting to me. I know it is illogical but I find myself constantly worried about my mum. I just got back from talking to them through the floo network."

"Is that why you were so upset?" Lily asked gently. She understood completely, with her parents being muggles, it took everything in her to not be shaking with fear every second that they would too be killed.

"Not completely." Clara groaned, tugging at her black hair. This was the news she didn't really want to share with Lily.

Lily scooted closer to Clara, "You can tell me, I won't judge you."

Clara's eyes narrowed, "Are you sure? Lily, after I tell you this I don't think you'll look at me the same."

"No, no." Lily shook her head, her red hair flying out, "I will be understanding."

"Lately I've been having these... feelings."

Lily clapped her hands, "You're gay!"

"No I'm not-" Clara tried to backtrack.

"Who's gay?" Marlene asked loudly, emerging from the bathroom.

Clara groaned, holding her head in her hands, "This could not be going worse."

Marlene joined them on Lily's bed, "No, we're listening, and if Lily gets too judgy then I'll calm her down."

Lily started, but with one swift look from Marlene she sighed, "Fine."

Smoothing the bed, Clara stood up and nervously wrung her hands, "Please let me finish everything I need to say before you guys start talking okay?" After she received nods in affirmation she continued, "I think I want to kiss Sirius Black."

Lily smacked her hand over her mouth as Marlene smirked with amusement, "I know this is shocking but for a while now I've gotten these weird urges to just like grab his face and.. you know. But I really need to get over it because I just came back from watching him flirt for hours with some third-year girls and I can't."

"Why don't you just snog him and get it over with?" Marlene ventured.

Clara shook her head, "And then have all of the marauders know all the details after Sirius kisses-and-tells? No thank you. I don't think James could look at me the same after that."

"Well, sweetie," Lily said, "There's only one thing we can do."

Marlene nodded excitedly, "Find you a rebound."


	10. LETTERS

**A MUGGLEBORN HAD BEEN ATTACKED.** Second-year Stephanie Wilson had been admitted to the hospital wing the night before, with cuts all over her body. Clara Green felt a wave of sadness go over her as she passed the unconscious girl's bed, it looked like her wounds were still bleeding. She continued past her bedside. 

After asking if he was decent she pulled back the curtain to reveal a battered Remus Lupin.

Pressing a quick kiss to his forehead, Clara asked, "How are you feeling, Remmy?"

"Like a train hit me." He replies as she unpacked the small basket she had been carrying.

After handing him a glass of water Clara said, "So I brought chocolate-dipped strawberries. I know how much you love chocolate so I sneaked in a bit of nutrition."

Remus narrowed his eyes, "If this is what you think a healthy snack is, I have no idea how you're in such good shape." He began devouring her snack.

Clara smiled and sat down and began reading the novel they were reading. Every time Remus had his 'time-of-the-month' Clara would sit with him and read a book together.

They had read through a couple of chapters by the time James, Sirius, and Peter burst into the room, cheering and chanting about how they 'got it', only getting quieter when the sharp voice of Poppy told them to. Humming their cheery tune until the reached Remus' bedside, "Mooney, we have a surprise, something you'll be excited about." Joy was dancing behind the eyes of James Potter.

Remus sighed, preparing for the answer to his question, "What is it?"

Peter took out a brown paper bag from his pockets and opened them to reveal a cluster of Mandrake leaves. He grinned, "We're going to become animagi, so we can help you on your bad night of the month."

Blood rushed from Remus' face as he stared at the green leaves, he did not want anyone to suffer from his condition. It was his own burden to carry.

Clara read Remus like a book, "When they are in their animal form, your alter ego won't be in bloodlust to hurt them. No one will get hurt. I've researched this point very carefully." Peter, Sirius, and James had all been researching animagi as much as they could before presenting the idea to Remus, but of course not without the help of Clara who knew the library a lot better than them.

The werewolf seemed to be at a loss for words, his mouth opened and shut, in shock, "That's— that's.." His voice cracked and his eyes welled up, "The nicest thing anyone has offered to do for me.."

Sirius smiled and lightly patted his shoulder, "We're brothers, that's what we do for each other."

As the three boys crowded around the small hospital cot, Clara Green felt as if she was intruding on a sacred, intimate moment. Softly smiling and nodding at James, she took her things and exited.

His friends were talking excitedly about the new adventure in front of them, Remus suggested they try casting patronuses, but all Sirius could do was stare after Clara. A soft nudge touched his elbow, Peter was next to him, smirking.

"You're almost getting as bad as James." Remus joked after he took a sip of water.

The boy in question rolled his eyes playfully and joined in with their banter, although a part of him was still thinking about the way Clara Green's mouth curled into a smile.

The smell of the owlery was always unpleasant, although many charms were put into place to prevent it, the owlerly always had a constant stench. Clara gave her family owl her letter to her parents, after pressing her lips to the seal and sighing. This would be the last form of communication she would have with them for a while, her father decided to take her mom and himself away from their home for a bit. His parents were deeply supportive of Voldemort's views, and he knew that at some point they would come after him as well. Clara had only met her grandparents once, that she remembers, and it was a very unpleasant experience. They only acknowledged her father's presence, practically spitting on her mother, and ignored herself. Due to their eugenic beliefs, her grandmother had the nerve to try to set her son up with some pureblooded witch, while his current wife was in the room, and referenced Clara as a 'disgrace to the Green family' and asked her father if 'he really wanted to continue his bloodline with half-blooded wenches'.

Nevertheless, she never saw them again after that.

Ever since the attack on the muggleborn, students had begun to pay more and more attention in their Dark Against the Dark Arts classes. Even though their Professor was an idiot who barely knew the back of his hand from the tip of his wand, students fell silent in class, hoping he would utter a word of sense. Hogwarts had a voracious want for knowledge, for protection against the evil that lurked outside their walls. So it shouldn't have surprised anyone that students looked for it elsewhere.

The half-blood was walking back towards the castle when a voice called out to her, "Clara! Clara Green!"

Turning, Clara was surprised to see the golden-haired Oliver Lovelace chasing her down, while awkwardly waving his arms. Graciously, she slowed down to allow him to catch up with her. Panting he asked her, "Did you just perform wordless magic back there?"

Thinking, Clara realized that she did, in fact, seal her letter with wordless magic, without even thinking, "I guess I did, I didn't even realize." She said with a little awkward chuckle.

Oliver's jaw dropped for a split second before he asked another question, "My friend is in potions class with you and heard that you're being advanced to the 7th year class, and have already taken the NEWT and passed with an O?"

Her eyebrows raised, "Uh, yes-"

Interrupting her, he asked, "And is it true that you can perform wandless magic?"

Clara barely uttered a 'Yes' before he continued interrogating her, "And you can produce a corporeal Patronus?"

She thought back to the sunny say where James, Peter, and Sirius were outside in the courtyard as she tried to teach them how to cast a Patronus, which her father had taught her how to do the summer before. None of them had done so yet, but as she cast hers a few students stopped and stared at her in awe as she winked at Sirius _ **(** he had been teasing her that it was so hard even she couldn't cast it **)**_.

"Yes, but before you interrupt me again, are you stalking me? Planning to kill me? If so could you give me a head start when running away, it's only polite." She responded, half-joking.

Oliver smiled and shook his head, "No, no, I only am asking this because I would like to learn a few things. Where did you learn all of this anyways?"

"Well, after my grandparents made it clear that they prefer my mother and I dead, the summers after my first year I was shipped off to America to learn from my father's friends. Across the pond, they are more proficient at wandless and wordless magic."

He gave her another look as if to say, go on, so she continued, "My father taught me the patronus, however. It comes from one of my favorite stories that my mum told me."

"I think I've heard of it." Oliver said, "It's the one where the dog waits at the train station for its master even years after his death?"

Clara nods and decided Oliver Lovelace is not as terribly annoying as she assumed from first glance. So she began to give him small lessons on Defense Against the Dark Arts. CDADA, as Oliver called it— Clara's Defense Against the Dark Arts. She had been successfully teaching expelliarmus to Oliver when her attendance went up by two people. As she expanded on her teachings, more and more people showed up. There was an amalgam of people, with older students like Benji Fenwick and Dorcas Meadows attended, along with Clara's own classmates such as Alice, Frank, Lily, and Marlene.

Dumbledore watched with a jubilant eye, as students from different houses joined together each Sunday after lunch to learn from Clara Green. As students grew more and more confident in the practical use of their magical ability, happiness and joy returned to the halls of Hogwarts. Increasingly, students stopped cowering in fear and started striding with bravery. This was the reason he was so adamant that Clara should study at Hogwarts, although she spent much of her time in America. After jotting down a few names, he turned away from the window.

With his usual eccentric air, Dumbledore said, "And so the _Order of the Phoenix_ began."

❖

A letter can change everything. As one of the only ways of communication in and out of Hogwarts— letters carried an even heavier weight. Words of love, anger, disappointment, and admiration all wrapped up in parchment clutched in the talons of an owl. It is a bit ridiculous that one puts so much on a letter, which is pretty delicate.

Sirius Black hated letters, especially when the black owl with piercing, red eyes delivered it— that usually meant that the letters came from his parents. One of the worst letters he had recived from them was the howler that his parents sent him after finding that he had permanently pasted his Beatles and Gryffindor posters on his bedroom walls. Little did he know that the silent parchment he held in his hand had a more terminal effect.

Words flew through his vision, but he held onto one horrifying line, _"Sirius, we have arranged for you to marry Persephone Themas."_ This statement was followed by his parents' wishes for him to become better friends with those of pureblood standing, especially those in the Slytherin house. They also wanted him to take Persephone out to Hogsmeade the next chance and even enclosed money for him to do so.

He saw red, he crumpled up the paper and threw it onto the table. Sirius stared at his breakfast in shock, anger bubbling inside of him.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked warily. It looked as if Sirius was a pot of water, ready to boil over.

Silently, Sirius handed him the ball of paper, and Remus read it aloud to himself, Peter, James, and whoever was eavesdropping. Silence fell over the group _**(** and those eavesdropping **)**_ and James softly patted Sirius' shoulder, comfortingly.

"I'm not dying!" Sirius exclaimed, jumping out of his seat, "Do you think I'm going to let my parents force me to take on some purebloodist, racist, submissive, bland, wife?" He laughed in a way that made him sound like he was losing it.

However, much of the Great Hall had fallen silent. Enough people were quiet for the Slytherin table to overhear. Regulus Black had an unforgivingly dark look on his face, and a dark haired, olive -skinned girl stood up quickly and ran from the hall, as fast as a gazelle.

The girl in question was Persephone herself, who had overheard Sirius' statement about her— immediately after she read the news herself. It was this exact girl that Clara Green stumbled onto in an abandoned corner of the library while searching for an obscure book.

Not knowing what to do, Clara had frozen next to the large armchair the captivating girl was curled into, but after a while, Clara softly cleared her throat and said, "Hey, I know you probably don't want to talk right now, but if you do want to, I'll listen. If not, I have a pretty good shoulder to cry on."

Persephone's crying silenced for a moment, as she looked distrustfully at Clara Green. But as another wave of sadness washed over her, she jumped up and hugged Clara saying, "I just want to be able to _choose_." Clara stayed with her, skipping dinner, and just was there for her. Clara didn't speak any words, what would she say?

Sirius later caught a glimpse of the two and realized how much power his words had. A twist in his gut made him wish he hadn't taken his anger out on Persephone, she was in the same predicament as he was. At that moment, Sirius vowed to try to not be so harsh with his words.

But darker things were still occurring.

Severus Snape had created his first spell. But he has no way to really test it. Giving up, he had thrown the piece of paper on the floor of the Slytherin common room. He left to sulk but when he came back— the paper was gone. Severus searched high and low for that paper, but to no avail. He did not find the paper until he found a bleeding body along with it.

The victim was a pretty muggleborn, Stephanie Wilson. Severus muttered the counter-curse and partially healed the poor girl. Severus was surprised to find that the next night, he slept like a babe. It was slightly unsettling to him that he was not at all that bothered by this turn of events. As long as he got what he needed, what mattered the consequences as long as it did not harm those he loved?


	11. ON THREE

**CLARA GREEN WAS NOT PERFECT.** She often was selfish, she cared a little too much about what people thought about her, and she was so fiercely loyal to her friends that she ignored logic. This was the reason that she was so picky as to who her close friends were, few had made the cut. Only Alice, Marlene, Lily, and a few friends from America, Clara considered her best friends. Most others were her acquaintances or even simply allies to her. Perhaps this cold, calculating way of looking at her relationships were another fault of hers.

She was either all in or not invested at all in her relationships with others, knowing this, she started to distance herself from the Marauders although they were both going through the same process. Yes, Clara had decided to become an animagus alongside the boys, thinking that if the situation with her grandparents ever went really badly, she would have a way out.

Having held a mandrake leaf in their mouths for a whole month, James, Sirius, and Peter thought that the worst was over. This was until Clara told them that they had to speak their enchantment every sunrise and sunset until the next lightning storm, and _then_ they would drink the potion that would finally change them into animagus.

They came up with the solution that every night they would meet in their room and Clara would then come wake them up a moment before sunrise so they could chant the incantation. This worked smoothly for the first few nights until a week had passed.

Clara breezed through the doorway that was left haphazardly open, after taking a deep breath of fresh air. Wincing she called out, "Rise and shine, ladies!" her voice sounded a bit nasally since the was holding her nose to avoid breathing in the foul stench that all teenage boy's rooms have.

Peter was the first one to wake up, blinking slowly. He was soon followed by James who muttered something foul under his breath as he glared at her. She gave him a winning smile in return.

Looking over at the final future-animagus Clara sighed deeply _**(** through her mouth _**_)_ **and walked over to Sirius' bed. Shaking him, he still stayed asleep and mumbled some incoherent noise, Clara grew annoyed but froze as he softly called out, "Clara, please."

Not knowing what to do, she turned to James, "Wake him up before we mess up this process and he turns into some kind of half-fox creature."

Another fault of Clara Green was to overthink and overreact to most everything so immeaditaly her mind was swirling with why he'd say that while dreaming. She was barely aware of herself as she, along with the guys, chanted the incantation. Clara's lips moved on their own accord as she spoke the words _Amato Animo Animato Animagus,_ her left hand shook as her gripped her wand that was pointed at her heart. She nearly registered Peter's words as he said he was going to go take a shower, so when Sirius Black touched her forearm she nearly jumped out of her skin.

He leaned forward to catch her by her arms, "You alright?" He chuckled, his face inches from hers.

Clara took a step back and cleared her throat, "Y-Yes." Her breath caught in her throat as Sirius moved forward yet again but this time touched her hair. Clara stopped herself from leaning into his touch.

"You had a.. feather." 

Tilting her head, Clara smiled in confusion, "Why do you smell like-"

"Cinnamon rolls? The boys and I went to the kitchens late last night.. well I guess early this morning, and ate a bunch of them." Sirius looked down at his feet, "I probably have icing on me somewhere."

However, Clara's eyes fixated on his chest, for she had just noticed that he wasn't wearing a shirt. After a beat of silence, her trance was broken by James' cough. Clara looked back up at Sirius, muttered a goodbye and left James an Sirius standing in their dorm.

Turning to James, Sirius asked, "Did she just?"

Shaking his head, James raised his hands and fell back into bed, not having the energy to deal with Sirius and Clara's drama this early in the morning.

**❖**

She shook the memory from two weeks ago out of her mind. In front of Clara today was a very difficult charms essay and it was taking all of her energy to stay awake. Finally she finished her rough draft, it was presentable enough that it would only take her one more day to proofread it and the essay would be ready to hand in.

Looking around, Clara sighed, she was left practically all alone in the library. She shot a glance at the Hufflepuff student one table to her left and saw that she was sound asleep. Clara quietly charmed her shoes to make no noise and began leaving the library. As she passes one aisle of books in particular she stopped. A weird feeling passed over her, it was as if her gut was tugging at her to go down this aisle of books. Clara listened, she was not one to go against what her gut was telling her. 

This seemed to be a unimportant aisle of books, mostly filled with books that no one really had use of unless one was looking for a specific piece of information about a person. Clara scanned the spines of books, having the feeling that she was supposed to be looking for something. She reached the end of the aisle, sighing Clara turned around and almost missed the small stack of books propped against the wall and as she bent down to inspect them the only book that wasn't covered in dust was a 6th Year potions book. Opening the weak bindings Clara looked for the owner's name but all that was written was a name _Half-Blood Prince_. 

An odd thing to call yourself, Clara thought, a bit pretentious.

Her feeling of needing to look for something ceased so Clara left the library with her new book, bewildered as to why it seemed heavier than a normal book of that size.

Clara soon forgot about the odd book as she walked into her dorm room. She gathered her belongings to take a shower and glanced around the room, making sure that all of her roommates are safe. She still couldn't shake the feeling that everything _wasn't_ okay. Clara noticed that Lily had fallen asleep studying Ancient Runes so Clara carefully put away her supply and moved Lily's head so that she wouldn't wake up with a kink in her neck.

Having already said the incantation with the boys before she went to study in the library, Clara fell asleep with a smile on her face, excited to wake up and go to her advanced potions class. 

**❖**

The sound of rain woke James Potter from his light sleep, he looked over at the window and watched as the rain ran down the pane of glass. After a moment of calm James jerked out of bed when he realized, it was raining!

Hurriedly he woke up Sirius and Peter, "It's raining! It'll thunder soon!" He was a sight to be seen as he ran about their dorm in his short sleep trousers.

"We need to wake up Clara." Peter said as he pulled on a shirt.

Sirius was already slipping on his slippers as he ran out their dorm room door, James and Peter bounded behind them as they almost fell down the stairs. 

"Ow. Sirius you stepped on my _hair._ "

"Well James if you would cut it, this wouldn't happen." Sirius rolled his eyes at his best friend.

"Guys?" Peter asked with scary realization, "How are we going to get to Clara's room?"

Stumped, the three boys sat on the landing between the two staircases, "Why is it always Remus who goes into the girls' dorms? The one time we _need_ his help he's asleep!" Peter said, they didn't want to wake Remus up, he had stayed up late doing a charms assignment.

Quickly, James' face lit up, "I have an idea!"

Soon, Sirius and James were attempting to throw Peter up the stairs, "On three." Sirius said, "One, two three!" 

James, thinking they were throwing after three, didn't let go when Sirius did. So Peter's lower half was thrown as Sirius threw on three, "I said _on_ three! Not after!"

"Who goes on three?" James waved his hands about dramatically, "It's always one, two, three, then go!"

Peter was rubbing his head as Sirius argued, "Yeah that's true.. except when someone _says_ on three right before you throw! Like I did!"

"Fine!"

Once again, Sirius held Peter's feel while James held his shoulders. "On three." James said, rolling his eyes, "One, two, three!" 

Peter sailed through the air, before crashing into the top of the stairs and sliding down as they formed a slide, "Ow!" He groaned, "Why is it always me!?"

Fed up by the noise, Remus eventually came out of the dorm and levitated his friends up the stairs, "What would you guys do without me." Remus shook his head at them as he retreated up the stairs.

"Thanks, Mooney!" Sirius whisper-yelled after him.

Then the buys crept, as quietly as possible, into Clara's dorm. Thankfully each room had the names of it's inhabitants written on the door. After Peter opened the door, the three tiptoed into the room. Sirius went to Clara's bed and shook her awake, "It's storming, it'll be thundering soon."

Clara shot out of bed, hitting Sirius's chin with the top of her head, "Ow." She said and rubbed her head, "Seriously?"

He smirked, "Seriously." He responded and kissed her forehead on the spot where it hit his, "Come on, grab the potions and we'll meet you in the common room."

James and Peter left while Clara got out of bed and got their potions out of the compartment in her luggage. She noticed Sirius staring, "What?" She whispered harshly.

He looked her up and down, "I like what I see." He smirked.

She didn't know why he was flirting so early in the morning, she was simply dressed in a T-shirt and pants, "Get. Out." Clara said nonetheless as she gathered the supplies, but didn't show any signs of embarrassment, other than turning beet red.

He held up his hands as he left her room with a smile on his face. 

In a couple of minutes Clara and Remus joined the boys downstairs and they all sneaked outside to the _**(** forbidden **)**_ forest to take the rest of the potion in the rain. James and Sirius complained about the rain but it was the only place that they could be sure no one would walk in on them doing illegal magic. 

Clara claps her hands together, grabbing their attention, "Okay, so we have to repeat the incantation a final time-"

"Thank goodness." James chuckled, but then stopped when Clara glared at him.

"Then we will drink the potion we brewed, and that's when the magic happens." An elated smile grew on her face as she pulled out her wand, "Wands ready." She giggled, there wasn't a time that Clara was happier than when she was trying a new spell or when her plan was coming together. 

" _Amato Animo Animato Animagus_." The three wizards and one witch spoke.

When asked what the feeling was like later, each would describe it differently. Peter would say that it felt like all of a sudden his ears were being pinched and his right index finger felt especially hot. James felt an added pressure to his head and feet, while Sirius felt tingly all over. Clara, however, felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders and the world looked clearer, sharper. 

She looked around and saw the people who a couple of years ago she wouldn't be caught dead hanging around, thunder roared and the rain poured. Clara had to shout over the sounds of the storm as she called out, "Ready boys?"


	12. WARMING UP

**IF YOU REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT,** it wasn't surprising that James' Animagus was a Stag **.**

He was very courageous and bold, some of the reasons as to why he was sorted into Gryffindor in his first year. Even when he was barely walking, James would always wander away from his parents whenever he could, saying hello random strangers, but he would always come back to his parents.

James Potter also had a self-sacrificing streak. When he and Clara were kids they would play a game they called 'aurors', but it would always be him who died first while saving his cousin's life. As he grew older so did his acts of overdramatic selflessness. Whether it was acting especially stupid to make his friends look cooler while chatting up a girl or always being the first to step forward in the face of danger— James Potter would do anything for his friends, especially at the expense of himself.

If you really thought about it, it wasn't surprising that Peter's animagus was a rat.

Peter always had an uncanny sense of when the situation was going to get worse, like when McGonagall would catch them out of bed. He always seemed to be able to scape by, always surviving to live another day. He also had the habit of befriending great people, often with bigger personalities than him. This was how he found himself apart of the Marauders.

He also had the talent of remaining unnoticed when he wanted to, while in an awkward situation he had the ability of slipping away while James and Sirius blew up the situation. Part of the reason he was able to do this was because of his smallness in stature, voice, and just overall personality.

If you really thought about it, it wasn't surprising that Sirius' animagus was a large, black dog.

The first reason was in his name, Sirius Black. Since the star 'Sirius' is also known as the Dog Star which is the brightest star in Canis Major, the Great Dog Constellation. At this point, Sirius Black's animagus was just fulfilling prewritten prophecy. But he also exhibited traits that were congruent with a dog's. Fierce, reckless, powerful, and extremely loyal all were words used to describe Sirius Black.

This is why he rebelled so much against his parents, they attempted to subdue him when he was much too determined and reckless for it. Instead of being loyal to his traditional family, he found his own family. He would do anything for them, often going above and beyond what is needed. Sirius often gets into serious altercations with others when he thinks they have slighted his friends, although he sometimes seemed malicious, he had good intentions. But his actions weren't always justified.

If you really thought about it, it wasn't surprising that Clara' animagus was a fox.

Clara Green also was very motherly and protective in nature, she was often the friend that others would come to when they had a problem that they had no clue how to fix. This put her in many strenuous situations that she always flawlessly got out of, due to her immense strength and endurance.

If you really thought about it, it wasn't surprising that Clara's animagus was a vixen.

She excelled in school and believed that using her brain rather than brute strength was the correct path to take. Vixens are the female equivalent to foxes, and like Clara, they share a wolve's characteristics of loyalty and passion.

She was an only child and had to learn to tolerate being around other kids when she started at Hogwarts. Much like a vixen is used to being a lone dog, but can acclimate to not being alone. 

Once Clara befriends someone, she is fiercely loyal of them and mistrusts those who aren't in her small circle of friends. She was also never able to get over her need to overachieve and rank number one in her classes. And even though Clara loved being 'top-dog' she often got bored with subjects that weren't challenging to her and she mostly thrived when challenged. She also had a lot of energy that had to be channelled into some activity, whether it be physical or mental.

❖  
  
  


Clara would've thought that when she was in her animagus form the smell of wet dog wouldn't bother her so much. But it did, so when she and Sirius changed for the first time, Clara turned her nose away from him in disgust. James, who had been the first to turn into his animagus, a stag, snorted as Sirius pounced on Clara.

Her animagus form, however, was strong enough to escape and Clara put her two paws on either side of the black dog's face. Sirius leaned up, rubbing his wet face against the side of her's, nuzzling her. She retreated and ran off. Something about running while a fox was exhilarating. Sirius and James soon followed.

They must have been an odd sight, two different breeds of dog-like animals chasing a stag while a rat followed behind them. Although the thunderstorm was still pouring down around them, Sirius and Clara howled in glee as they played in the rain.

Soon, the sun came up, and the group had to change back into human form before they went back into the castle.

"That was wicked fun!" James said, his eyes ablaze with energy.

Whooping, Peter expressed his agreement as they walked back to the castle, not caring is anyone heard them.

Ever since they had first transformed into their animagus, Sirius and Clara could not stop touching each other. They continued play-fighting while in their normal human form. Whether they were purposely bumping into each other while walking, kicking the back of each others shoes, or kissing their cheek and then running away, they were always interacting with one another. If they weren't touching, they were exchanging secret smiles and looks.

 _Merlin, what have I gotten myself into._ Clara thought as she followed James and Peter into the castle.

The group quieted as they crept through the halls, but made it safely back to the Gryffindor Common Room. James followed Peter up to their dorm, leaving Clara and Sirius alone.

Clara began shivering, "I'll grab you a blanket." Sirius told her and retreated to run up the stairs as fast as he possibly could.

She moved to sit by the warm fire and was huddled near it when Sirius wrapped a blanket around her small frame, "Thank you." She murmured as he sat down next to her.

On instinct, Sirius leaned over to kiss her head but she jerked away, "Black, you're not always a pup."

Ignoring her slight rejection he smiled, "I'm _never_ a pup."

Turning her face towards him, Sirius watched as the light from the fireplace danced aross her dark eyes, "Then what would you call your animagus form."

Sirius leaned closer, "Hmmm, I don't know." He continued when she didn't lean away from him, "A wild dog." he said with a smirk, further implying the innuendo.

She looked down, and Sirius caught sight of her rosy cheeks and decided to take a chance. 

"I had a fun time tonight." Clara attempted to change the subject, clearing her throat to try to disguise her uncomfortableness.

Somehow, the pair ended up closer to each other. Sirius could feel her breath fanning his face. Tonight he was drunk on her. He never thought someone could smell so good, she smelt of vanilla, cinnamon, and for some reason spilt ink. The way her hands were hesitantly resting on top of his knees was driving him crazy.

He moved his hands to the small of her waist, playing with the fabric of her shirt. She was now mostly dry because of the charmed towel. But for some reason she was still shaking.

"Why are you still shivering, Clara?" He said in a low voice, trying to not make it obvious he was deepening it.

Clara held his gaze, "You're making me nervous." She answered truthfully. But she only moved closer to him.

Hyperaware of every movement she made, he tried not to smile giddily at her admission, "Anything I can do to help?"

"You're the one who knows how to deal with nervous girls."

"Oh?"

She didn't answer, Clara only moved one hand a millimeter up his thigh and intertwined her other hand with his. Sirius was following her movements with his eyes as if he was watching the Quidditch World Cup. He was holding his breath, for the first time in his life he couldn't think of what to say or do.

"Are you nervous?"

"Yes." He admitted, "But you have always made me nervous. Ever since first year when you hexed that Second Year for catcalling your friend."

Clara remembered, she used _flipendo_ against the acne-covered Sam Peterson. But she did not want to be thinking about him right now. She looked into his eyes and thought of all the small things he had done for her. Things that only she remembered, it made her feel alive with the thought that he might care for her. And the look that he was giving her right now only cemented her suspicion.

She kissed him.

Immediately her vision was flooded with images. Sirius as a little boy playing Quidditch with Regulus. Him smiling at her while in a formal suit. A white dress. Clara saw herself holding a raven-haired baby with James and Lily smiling. 

She saw hope with him.

After a few moments, they parted and Clara pressed her forehead against his, breathing heavily. She looked up at him and saw that mischievous glint in his eye and she knew she was doomed.

Clara had kissed boys before. Many a time, and probably some were bad decisions. But Sirius Black was a damn good kisser.

She found herself sitting fully on his lap as they kissed, wrapping her legs around him, she pressed herself as close to him as possible. Her hands were in his hair his were wrapped around her, holding her steady, holding her. She was on fire as he kissed up and down her neck she burned, not caring about-

What was she supposed to worry about?

The Gryffindor's thoughts were dispelled as Sirius' hands traveled lower, gripping her and he stopped kissing her saying, "I recall something about you telling me, 'Never in a million-'"

"Don't be cheeky." She interrupted him.

"You're going to ruin me, Clara Green."

❖

"Blimey, Clara." Marlene said as Clara returned to her dorm the following morning, "Did you get attacked by a beast?"

Rolling her eyes Clara continued to work, "If you count Sirius Black as a beast."

Lily's eyes narrowed, "Yes I do." She looked at her friend, afraid to ask the following question, "Did you two...?"

Clara covered her face in embarrassment, "No! We just.." She fell back on her bed, "Kissed for a bit."

Lily gagged in disgust while Marlene squealed in excitement. 

"We were all waiting for you two to get together." Mary teased her as their dormmates expressed their agreement.

"Okay, let's all get ready before breakfast is over." Lily hurried her friends along, seeing that Clara was uncomfortable with being so very explicit with all of her dormmates. 

After the rest of the girls all left for breakfast, Mary, Lily, and Marlene sat on Clara's bed as she tried to brush out the tangles in her hair.

"So, Sirius is a hair tugger then?" Marlene broke the silence with a wicked smile on her face as Clara groaned.

Mary shushed Marlene, "Calm down, Mar. It's probably messed up from sleeping in the common room." This caused the trio to erupt with giggles, Clara just rolled her eyes at them and retreated to the bathroom. 

Following her, Lily smiled, "Seriously, are you happy?"

She smiled, "Yes, I think so." Clara turned to her friend, "I know you don't approve of him. But I don't want to lose you. If this becomes a problem-"

"Clara, stop." Lily interrupted her, "I just want you to be happy. Me not really _loving_ him only means that if he hurts you, I won't hold back any punches for when I deal with him."

They hugged and when Lily left, Clara looked in the mirror. Her friends were acting like this meant that they were officially dating, but was that what he wanted? Or was she just another stolen kiss in the common room? 

Sighing, she quickly spelled her hair into a single braid and tied it. 

"You better not be joking with me, Black. You told me you'd be honest with her about your feelings before getting physical with her."

James narrowed his eyes at his best friend. His hands were on his hips in what he would call a 'power stance'. He naively thought that Sirius would only tell Clara his feelings for her, and only after that he would kiss her. But he just _had_ to just kiss her, not mentioning his growing infatuation for her. This made James angry only because he thought of Clara like a _**(** slightly bossy **)** _sister. He wasn't just going to sit back and see her get treated badly, and although he knew Sirius had the right sentiment, James also knew that sometimes his feelings got lost in translation. 

Sirius had a miscommunication problem. 

This was because he often thought that he knew what people wanted from him, but it was often wrong. Nevertheless, he still did the overdramatic thing to 'save' or 'help' the person he cared about. 

"I just got nervous!" Sirius reasoned, "And she just looked so pretty-"

"No, don't try to charm your way out of this," Remus said with mock seriousness.

Not catching onto his sarcasm, James agreed, "Clara is too important to all of us for you to go messing it up!"

Sirius grew angry, "Who says I'm going to mess it up?"

"Because you have _such_ a great track record with girlfriends."

A real growl emerged from Sirius, "So what? You say I either have to tell her I _love_ her or break it off?"

"Love? You can't be serious." James scoffed.

This only made Sirius angrier, "Why not?"

_**(** In the background Peter whispered to Remus, "Sirius is really mad, he didn't even go for the 'I am Sirius.' joke." **)**_

"You're barely sixteen. How are you supposed to-"

"Know what I want?" Sirius' eyes filled grew glossy, "You sound like my parents."

"That is _not_ what I was going to say."

He exploded, "Well sorry I'm not as _brave_ as you." He waved his hands around and paced, "I'm not courageous as you are. I'm not you, I can't just confess to the girl I love that I care about her." He pulled out the letter his parents had previously sent to him, informing him of his engagement, "Because talk like that? It gets her hurt. I don't get to choose who I love." He stomped out of the dorm room, slamming the door behind him.


	13. AVOIDING THE INEVITABLE

**"CAUSE MONEY CAN'T BUY ME LOVE."** the voice of Paul McCartney sang as Clara Green took her free period to study for the O.W.L.S. Honestly, she didn't need to study as hard as she was, due to her good study habits she had a system of studying as she took the course and not cramming before every test. But studying for O.W.L.S. was a good excuse to avoid other people so she was taking advantage.

The point at which she realized that she was over-studying was when she began to nonverbally cast _reducto_ on an apple and reversing the effects with _reparo_ immediately after, nonverbally, over and over again. She sighed and fell back on her bed, absolutely bored out of her mind. This is what happened when Clara studied ahead with her friends in America on nonverbal magic, she got bored of the Hogwarts curriculum.

"I'm going crazy," Clara muttered to herself as she stared at the top of her bedpost.

Most of the students had left to go to Hogsmead, but Clara opted to stay in order to more adequately hide from Sirius Black. Luckily when she checked her watch, she found that it was around time for lunch. So, Clara left her dorm and made her way to the Great Hall.

As she walked into the room which was filled with First and Second Years, Clara spied the girl from a couple of days before, who Clara comforted while she was crying.

She was sitting in the Slytherin section, alone, picking at her food. Her dark eyes were looking off as if her mind was thousands of kilometers away. Clara paused for a moment before changing her route and sat next to the girl, whose name she never got.

"I'm Clara Green, I never got your name."

The girl jumped a bit before shaking her hand, "Persephone Themas." her voice was soft but still strong.

Clara smiled kindly at her and ate her food in silence. It was the kind of silence that often persists when you meet someone new and you don't know what to say.

"I'm sorry," Persephone said as she put down her cup of water.

The Gryffindor shot her a look of confusion so she elaborated, "About Sirius."

A nervous knot formed in her gut, "What about him?" Was it so obvious that she was pining after him?

Persephone bit her lip nervously, "The whole arranged marriage thing? My parents are just eager to find a pureblood that would be willing to marry me." She looked down at her hands when Clara realized what she was implying. Most pureblood families wouldn't want to marry someone with coloured skin, like Persephone. And Sirius' parents were having difficulty finding Sirius an arranged marriage because of his recent rebellions.

"Oh, yes of course," Clara said quickly.

Persephone's face softened, "He didn't tell you did he? I'm terribly sorry, I don't want to be the cause of a couple's quarrel."

"Couple?" Clara sputtered, "We aren't a couple." She briefly wondered if this was what he was telling other people.

"Sorry, I guess I assumed that you two were together, he's always so protective of you.." Persephone trailed off and there was a moment of an awkward pause.

"No sweat." She cracked a smile, "He's a bit of a.. an alpha dog if you will. He is overly protective and possessive of things that aren't entirely his, sometimes."

Persephone's lip curled upwards, "Well, it doesn't always look like you are entirely opposed to his intentions." She caught herself and her face changed into one of fear, "I'm sorry, sometimes the rudest things slip out of my mouth, you know." She winced.

"Oh, Bunny." She rubbed Persephone's shoulder to try to get her to relax, "You shouldn't stress so much."

She hesitantly smiled back at her and then Clara broke the ice by making a joke at the expense of one of the Hogwarts ghosts and the girls spent the rest of the day together.

A couple of hours later, the pair found themselves sitting on the grass, soaking in the rays of the sun when Persephone asked the question she had been dying to, "So, what's the deal with you and Severus?" When Clara didn't respond right away she explained, "I mean you two and the redhead girl used to always hang out and now I see you... alone more often than not." She trailed off, a bit embarrassed.

Clara felt a pang of hurt in her chest, "He's just getting into some, dark, scary stuff and I wasn't okay with supporting that."

Persephone nodded, "I understand." She paused, letting herself carefully choose what to say next, "I have to choose my friends carefully, especially in my house. Politically I'm more.. liberal than some of my housemates and I have to conceal it from most."

She nodded in understanding, glad that she stayed back for this Hogsmeade trip. Her heart went out to this younger girl who seemed to be a victim of her circumstances. Clara just wondered whether or not she'd rise above them.

❖

Since their argument from the day before, Sirius and James had quickly reconciled. This was much to the dismay of others due to the fact that when Sirius and James reconciled after a disagreement they usually went on a spree of pranks.

They had just gotten to the Great Hall after rigging Filch's office with innovative 'practical jokes'. Sirius was trying to play it cool but still swept the hall with his eyes as he searched for the black hair of Clara Green.

"She's not here."

James' fork clattered onto his plate as he dropped it in shock, Lily Evans was talking to them on her own accord.

"Where," Sirius' voice was thick, he coughed, "Where is she?"

"Don't know, but as long as she's somewhere without _you,_ " She crossed her arms over her chest, "she's better off." Her voice wasn't haughty or mocking. Simply monotone as if she was stating facts that she already knew to be true.

Yet, this struck too close to home for Sirius who responded with fire, "Well good thing you aren't Clara. Because I think she knows what's really best for herself." He raised his voice a bit which turned the heads of some of the students that were eating.

Lily started fuming, she always had the best intentions when dealing with her friends, "What? To date someone who has already agreed to marry someone else in the end?" Immediately she knew that she had gone too far. Sirius was one to almost always overreact so when his face turned still, she knew she had crossed a line. So she simply rolled her eyes, walked away, and acted she didn't care about his feelings.

But Lily Evans was much too kind to not feel a bit of sympathy for Sirius Black.

Whereas James a fuming, "How dare she? She doesn't know shit about you!" He rambled on and on, if there was someone James truly loved it was his friend Sirius Black.

As he emotionlessly ate his porridge Sirius said, "It's fine. It's not the worst thing Lily has ever said about any of us."

Sighing James sat down, "We'll find Clara and explain everything, I'm sure Lily wouldn't blow the situation out of proportion."

Sirius' stomach dropped, "Are you sure?" He looked at Remus and Peter.

"Yes?" But Remus' answer sounded more like a question than an affirmation.

So Sirius groaned loudly and buried his face in his hands.

❖

Previously after lunch, Clara received a note from Severus which asked her to meet him in the potions classroom during dinner. Normally, Clara would not let anything get in the way of a weekend dinner, but she was intrigued by his message so as she marched down the stairs she tried to ignore the smell of food from the Great Hall and journeyed on ahead.

Honestly, Clara normally would've ignored this invite, but she was still trying to avoid her personal problems— namely Sirius Black. She had seen him in the common room as she was walking up the stairs to her dorm and they exchanged awkward smiles that made her want to melt into the floor.

Clara was scared, she never had such intense feelings for someone. She had multiple flings before, but those were always fun but short. Now, Clara actually cared about how this 'relationship' panned out. She mentally slapped herself, she was beginning to sound like one of those boy-obsessed girls.

She didn't even realize how much she cared about him until they were all going through the animagus process together. She began to look forward to their times together and found herself laughing at every one of his stupid jokes. Clara realized that she was always trying to be next to him, she adored the feeling of his hand lightly pressed against the small of her back as they tried to navigate the busy Hogwarts halls.

But Severus had noticed her closeness with him, and she assumed that this was what he wanted to talk to her about today. She could not have been more wrong.

Finally reaching the Potions classroom she felt a terrible feeling of unease come over her, but ever the Gryffindor she soldiered on. But as soon as she saw what was inside she screamed a scream full of terror.

She should never have come here.

❖

Snape knew what no one else did. He wasn't blind.

"They sneak out at night. There's something weird about that Lupin. Where does he keep going?" He had asked Lily.

"He's ill," She responded. "They say he's ill–" 

"Every month at the full moon?" She was just as deluded as the rest of the Hogwarts population. Was James getting to her?

"I know your theory," said Lily coldly. "Why are you so obsessed with them anyway? Why do you care what they're doing at night?"

His voice filled with anger and determination, "I'm just trying to show you they're not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are."

"I think you give them more thought than they're worth," Lily responded, not liking his tone, and left for her dorm.

Apparently, Sirius had overheard their conversation.

"Got a crush on Remus, Severus?" Sirius asked haughtily, crossing his arms.

Snape stopped walking, "Of course that would be your assumption, Black." He turned to the Gryffindor, "Always thinking _everyone_ is in love with you and your mates."

"That's because everyone is." He motioned at a girl who was checking him out as if to prove his point.

Severus grew even angrier, "I'm sure they'd all love you if they knew that Remus was a.." 

"Was a WHAT?" Sirius practically shouted at him, obviously furious.

"I'm sure the headmaster would be enlightened to know this information as well. Maybe this school would get rid of some of its vermin."

Sirius' expression turned cool again, he had a leg up in this conversation, "Go ahead."

He walked away, but turning around he called over his shoulder in a daring tone, "They say if you hit the right knots on a tree on a full moon, it'll tell you its secrets."

Honestly, Sirius didn't care about Snivellus' well-being. If he actually was hatefully and vindictive enough to follow Remus into the whomping willow, he deserved what was coming.

As Severus watched Sirius walk away, he had one thought.

Finally, he can knock the Marauders down a peg.

❖

War changes things.

As powerful, greedy people rise to power, it causes those on the bottom of the totem pole to be crushed. People become pawns to the more powerful or knowledgeable, not even knowing they are being used in a bigger game. Stakes rise and fear is what fuels people's decisions. People who were tiptoeing the fence of morality have to choose what is right and wrong. 

When the Hogwarts students are at school they sometimes feel untouchable, they have a false sense of security but that would change in the next coming years.

War is contradictory. It brings people together but also pulls others apart. Good people do bad things for the greater good. 

It shows that a person's actions define them. Will they choose to be merciful? Or will they play dirty, and be no better than their enemies?

Which side will you be on?


	14. WHAT IF

**LILY WAS REGRETFUL.** She wasn't sure of what, but ever since the fight she had a weighted feeling of remorse.

_"Leave him ALONE!"_

_"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"_

Her memory from what occurred just hours before rang through her head, clanging like a bell.

She didn't understand why Severus and James couldn't just ignore each other, and move on with their lives. Yes, what James and Sirius did was extremely inappropriate and uncalled for, but Snape was in the wrong too. Neither party was blameless, but they all thought they were right. Lily was sure that if you looked at the situation from Sirius or James' eyes they would recall Severus taunting them and if you saw it through Snape's perspective he would recall minding his own business. One thing Lily did not regret was walking away, perhaps it was a bit immature but after what Severus called her a she wasn't sure if she was going to burst into tears or hex them all.

This wouldn't have happened if Clara was here.

She didn't realize how close she had grown to Clara until she went missing. Every time something funny would happen in class Lily would go to turn to Clara but then remembered she wasn't there. It was then when Lily began her search, looking for Clara.

It seemed no one else was. The so-called Marauders were all talk, they acted like they cared she was gone but they didn't seem to be doing anything about it. Other than getting in fights with Slytherins. So Lily began looking around for clues.

She spent hours in the library looking up other student disappearances, which was not encouraging. Lily couldn't do this often, the dark histories of Hogwarts were not for those with weak stomachs.

Her intentions were not entirely selfless, there was a small part of her who wanted to find Clara herself to prove to Sirius that she did have her friend's best interests at heart. But what kind of act was completely selfless these days?

The entire school had heard about the Severus Incident, and people kept gave her pitying looks. She couldn't tell the difference between those who were sorry she had been called a Mudblood and those who were sad for Clara Green going missing. It was isolating, even though Lily was on the right 'side' of an issue, she was treated like a pariah.

So, when she wasn't with Mary or Marlene she was searching for Clara, mostly looking out of kindness but a small part of her wanted to find her before James and his friends did.

Whether or not her intentions were completely moral, Lily was still getting nowhere. As she walked through the halls of Hogwarts doing her Prefect rounds, a feeling of defeat washed over her. It had been four months since Lily had last saw Clara, and the stress was affecting everyone, not just Lily.

Students were scared, the whispers of the rising power of a pureblood fanatic grew into reality. Most of the Slytherins did not mind, although some grew ashamed of their emerald green robes. James and Sirius had been acting more and more immature as the days went by, and perhaps it was out of anger that Remus had not tried to stop them. Lily would not succumb to her negative emotions that easily.

After her rounds, Lily walked back to her dorm room. Clara's corner of the room had remained untouched, but for some reason, Lily didn't walk past it like normal. Surely McGonagall or Dumbledore had searched through Clara's things in order to try to find where she was.

Lily scoffed as if Hogwarts was that logical.

She cast lumos as she surveyed Clara's messy bed. Her things were always disheveled as if her mind was too preoccupied to do something as trivial as cleaning up. Books upon books were under her bed, within reach so that Clara could retrieve one while still sitting on her bed. Lily scanned the spines of these briefly before one caught her eye.

The blue spine was familiar, Severus rarely parted with it in his earlier years at Hogwarts and she had always seen him writing notes in it. He would not have given this to Clara willingly, he never let Lily even look into it.

Icy anger filled Lily. Before she would not have entertained the thought of Severus being responsible but after the anger, she saw in his eyes after their OWLS exam, right before he called her a-

She snapped the book shut, and drove down the feeling of embarrassment.

Continuing, Lily noticed the extensive amount of library books Clara had on the subject of animagi. It reminded her of a time earlier in the year.

Clara had one of these books splayed on her lap and had been reading it for hours. When Lily left to study she was lying on the couch, and when she came back Clara hadn't moved. Speaking softly, Clara mused out loud, "I wonder who the first animagus was.."

Smiling, Lily answered with a joyful tone, "Falco Aesalon, he turned into a falcon."

She had let out a small squeak of fear and jumped before she saw her, "Merlin Lily, did you literally pop out of nowhere just to answer that?"

And now, standing in her room months later, it was like a light bulb turned on above her. Clara had been trying to turn into an animagi! That explained everything, staying up late, meeting with James, Sirius, and Peter. She shook her head, Severus had been so wrong about her, she was just trying to help Remus.

The realization caused Lily to drop Severus' potion-making book, he was at the bottom of everything, and Lily was going to figure out why and how.  
  
  
Why did these things always happen to Sirius?

He finally likes a girl, and it seems like she likes him too, and not the fluffy, light-hearted 'like'. The feeling he had for Clara was all-consuming, it was a promise. Even though she had been avoiding him, he would wait years for just a chance with her. But now, he didn't even know where she was, Voldemort himself might have taken her.

She was an extremely powerful witch, it would make sense as to why he would try to convert her or even just imprison her to ensure she wasn't fighting against him. The Malfoy's were probably supporters of him, and in the few years they had been in Hogwarts together, Clara had stood up to Lucius Malfoy multiple times. She had even dueled him in the dueling club one year **_(_** _one of the DADA Professors had thought that it was a good idea— it was not_ ** _)_** and she defeated him more times than not. He might have gone babbling to the psychopath himself. And Clara's dad was a fantastic potion-maker, maybe she was being used as leverage against him.

All Sirius knew, is that he hated Voldemort more than almost anything else.

"You have to eat something, we have to keep our spirits up for the rest of our OWLs." Remus urged James to eat breakfast, he was in low spirits. Not only was Clara missing, but Lily was very angry at all of them.

She wasn't just ignoring them, she was going out of her way to make sure they knew that she hated them.

"I made so much progress when we were in France too! And now it was thrown away."

Sirius hit the table, "It wasn't in vain! That slime-ball knows something, he probably tipped off Voldemort himself."

His three friends rolled their eyes, "Voldemort doesn't have her, I think he would make a spectacle out of taking her if he did." Remus' expression was dark, "He has never been opposed to attention."

That was true enough, he always cast his dark mark in the sky when he decided to annihilate another family.

Sirius glanced at the empty seat to the right of Marlene McKinnon and half-expected to see a dark mark floating above Clara's seat. He had done this often, looking at doorways and expecting her to burst through. He had caught himself doing really stupid things, hoping that she would materialize to smack his head or something.

A small part of him wanted to defend his and James' cruel actions towards Severus by using the excuse of Clara's disappearance, but he knew that if she was here— she would not be having it. Choose your battles. She had advised him, and he had failed her.. again.

Sirius would lie awake at night, worrying about where she was, and how he wasn't there to protect her. It was a weight he carried with him always, he tried to act like he was hopeful, and knew that it would all work out. But they all knew it was such, an act.

Logically, he shouldn't have done what he did to Snape, but he had been acting so smug that he wanted to knock him down a peg. Sirius wouldn't put it past him to side with Voldemort himself just to advance his own social standing.

Simply seeing his face after that had finished their OWLS caused his blood to boil, and goodness knows what would've happened if Lily hadn't intervened.

James tried to act strong in Sirius' obvious spiral downward, but out of all of them, he knew Clara the longest. He was the one who had to deal with the concerned letters from Clara's parents as well as his own. If anyone deserved to sock Snape in the face, it was James.

Maybe in the future, Sirius would regret what he did, but right now, he didn't care about what Severus Snape thought of him. He only wanted Clara back, and safe. _Be brave_ , she would tell him but after that, she would always add, _but also be kind_.

Did he fail her in more ways than one?

Peter burst through the doors of the Great Hall and ran right for Sirius. Panting, Peter looked like a wreck.

Sirius was oblivious to his entrance, James perked up at the sight of his friend, and Remus had a guarded look on his face, he didn't want to get his hopes up.

"They found her, she's in the Hospital Wing." Peter panted, Sirius' eyes finally focused again. James was beaming and Remus was waiting for the 'but' part of the statement.

"And?" Remus and Sirius asked at the same time.

His eyes downcast, "They found her unconscious, she hasn't woken up." His eyes held fear as he looked up at his friends, "They say it looks like she was tortured."


	15. METAMORPHIC

**IT WAS LILY WHO FOUND HER.** The Gryffindor had run into Professor Dumbledore's office, worry over her face, and informed him of the situation, including where Clara was. She had spent the night searching through the forbidden forest and found a bandaged, shivering, and sleeping Clara Green. She spent the rest of the night trying to revive her, but when she wouldn't wake, Lily had to go for help.

Cuts littered her face, remnants of the Cruciatus Curse were over her body, but the worse cuts were on the bottom of her hands and feet. Lily guessed it was because her animagus form was some kind of animal that ran on all fours, but Madam Pomfrey was puzzled by them.

It had been a week since they had found Clara, and although the Professors were trying to keep the fact that they found her secret, most of the Hogwarts population found out. Lily was convinced that the whole situation was caused by some Slytherin, perhaps Severus himself, so she insisted that there be constant surveillance over her, lest her attacker come back. This probably saved her life.

Dumbledore let Lily into the specifics of the Ministry's search for Clara, and how they sent their most incompetent Aurors to investigate. He seemed to think that it was because of her half-blood status, and the fact that her father didn't support Eugenia Jenkins as Minister of Magic, and had previously gone on record saying that her policy of laissez-faire when dealing with the rising power of Voldemort was not effective.

One of the only things that surprised her was the state she found Clara in. She was covered in wounds but more importantly, she was a fox. Lily cast a spell to bring her limp body back into human form, but there was not much else she could've done. She hated feeling helpless, but as she followed McGonagall the feeling crept through her body, starting in her heart and fizzing out in her fingertips. She clutched Clara's wand in her hands, the carvings pressed sharply into her skin but she didn't feel it. How could she when Clara was probably feeling so much worse?

The thing that did burn was the note hidden in her pocket as she walked towards the Slytherin table. Lily had promised herself she wouldn't speak to him again, not after he called her a _mudblood_. It wasn't even about his usage of the derogatory term, it was the fact that Lily realized that he wasn't any better than the Marauders. In the end, they were all bullies.

He was sitting alone when she slapped down the note next to his bare plate, it was early in the morning, hardly anyone was up when she asked him, "Tell the truth, Severus, was it you?"

She had reason other than the note to believe that it was him, he had changed. He wasn't hanging out with any of his regular friends, and he was jumpy. This change occurred even before Lily stopped hanging out with him. He started eating a lot less and Lily could see the guilt in the bags under his eyes as if they were shouting at her.

"I swear on _everything,_ Lily. I did not hurt her."

"But this is your handwriting, yes?" Lily pressed on, knowing he had answers, "You started acting strange long before we had our falling out, the day Clara went missing to be exact."

He wasn't squirming, that was never how Severus expressed his nervousness. His voice dropped an octave when saying, "I'm not wholly innocent. I did write the note." He looked down at his hands, "People who claimed to be Clara's grandparents asked me to write it and slip it to her. They promised me that nothing would happen to her, they promised me... more. They said they could make me _powerful_."

Shock struck Lily like a bolt of lightning from the sky, she didn't want to believe that her childhood best friend would do this. It was one thing to dabble in dark magic but hurting an innocent student? That was on another level.

He called after her when she left the Great Hall, it was like his words held her feet, causing her to trip and fall. Her knees struck the hard, stone floor. And she wept.

Maybe it was because she felt so alone, perhaps it was because her only friend was unconscious in the hospital wing, maybe it was because she felt ordinary, but when warm hands helped her up and she saw the face of James Potter a warm feeling exploded in her chest. 

_Sometimes fate has to knock you on your knees so you can look up and see what is right in front of you._ Clara had once told her. So Lily hugged James Potter, it was selfish. She knew that he had a crush on her, but she just wanted to be comforted. She didn't want to feel alone.

Severus Snape, seeing them, turned around.

**❖**

When Clara was younger she was obsessed with butterflies. On Halloween, she dressed up as the winged creature for years in a row. She and her mum would play a game where Clara would wrap herself up in blankets and call it her 'cocoon' and would emerge as a changed woman. Her mum would let her choose what to have for dinner and she could stay up for as long as she wanted. 

That was the feeling Clara felt when she woke up. 

The world looked subdued. The world looked unsaturated. The black ink of pages looked grey. The green trees looked muted. Even Lily's hair was not as fiercely red as before.

She had her voice but it was hard to speak.

Clara didn't want to remember. She saw the red of her own blood. The kohl darkness of the room. The green hue of the trees as she ran. 

She had to keep running, she had to keep moving, she had to stay safe, she had to stay away from them. She couldn't be found. 

Her left forearm burned.

The distance was great.

When people visited, they kept a distance from her injuries. Their eyes kept away from her bandages. 

There was a separation between what people expected of her and what was left of her.

There were only three people that Clara could still bear. Lily, James, and sometimes Sirius. It hurt to look at them sometimes.

James was the only one who didn't hurt, maybe because he didn't have Sirius' grey eyes or Lily's red hair.

Lily would leave her gifts every morning, James would give her a play-by-play of every Quidditch game, and Sirius would hold her hand.

Sometimes it helped to be held.

Her thoughts came into her mind in fragments. Sometimes she found herself forgetting the rest of her sentence halfway through. Sometimes she found herself repeating. Sometimes she found herself putting up wards around her bed.

They had to take away her wand when Poppy was thrown on her ass trying to give Clara her medicine.

One person who surprised Clara was Persephone. She seemed to understand, somehow. She wasn't afraid to look at Clara.

But she didn't visit often.

Poppy advised Clara to walk, in order to strengthen her muscles. So she took laps around the wing. But she could never walk as fast as she wanted to.

She wanted to leave, she wanted her parents.

No one had heard from them, Clara knew how to contact them but didn't for fear that they'd get caught by _them._ She'd rather be tortured again rather than let someone she loved getting caught in the crossfire.

Clara knew she was causing her friends to worry. She didn't want to, but if she was being honest...

She was scared for herself as well.

**❖**

"It can't keep going like this." 

James, Sirius, Remus, and Lily were sitting in the corner of the Great hall. The boys were talking about how to help Clara while Lily tried to look unimpressed. 

"We just have to give her time, you can't force these things." She repeated.

"We could do something about the assholes who did this to her!" Sirius responded.

"That's the ministry's job," Lily said like she was lecturing children.

James' head rested on his knuckles, Clara was like a younger sister to him, he felt deflated not having her around. Like there was a part of him missing. Sirius and Lily's bickering flew in and out of his conscious but all he could hear was the sound of Clara's crying echoing through his head.

"You said you had the note Severus wrote. Maybe that could help them?" Remus suggested.

Lily sighed, she had considered this, "It will only confuse them. Why waste time grilling Severus when we all know he was in the whomping willow that night?"

The air around them grew thick as Remus and Sirius' expression grew guilty. 

"I think we should go searching for her grandparents." James suggested, "They're pureblood supremacists who, around 70 years ago, went around to half-blood families and killed the muggles and their kids."

"How are they not in Azkaban?" Lily asked.

"Claimed they were under an Imperio curse." Sirius shrugged, "Blamed everything on their leader who died a couple of years back in Azkaban."

"But they've gone under the radar for years." James explained, "One time Clara visited them with her parents, and they were never heard from again." He swallowed, "They promised to kill Clara themselves before they vanished."

"I'm going to kill them." 

"Sirius!" Lily scolded, his grave tone startled her.

He rolled his eyes, "What? Do you want me to invite them to a tea party?"

"Your initial reaction shouldn't be _murder._ "

Gravely serious, he said, "It wouldn't be, it would be justice."

"Okay, murder isn't the answer." Remus reasoned, touching Sirius' elbow.

He sighed, deflating and sat back down.

"I think I may have something that could help." A small voice said from behind Sirius and James.

Turning, they saw Persephone Themas. Her eyes were steadily downcast, not looking at any of them in the eye. But her voice was firm when she said, "Here is every correspondence Clara's grandparents had with people of my house." She held out a roll of parchment covered in neat, dated handwriting.

Lily looked through the papers, "This goes back a couple of years before you were even a first year. Why did they wait so long?"

"I think it was You-Know-Who's rise to power that caused it." Persephone's leg was bouncing under the table, "He's giving a lot of the eugenic believers' confidence. Proving the ministry isn't enforcing the law enough."

Sirius' fist clenched.

"And why do you care about Clara?" Remus asked, genuinely curious.

Persephone looked up for the first time, "You aren't her only friends, you know." Then she got up and walked away.

"Well," Lily laid out the papers on the table, "Time for Lily to clean up the Ministry's mess, again."


	16. HOME

**LIFE DOESN'T STOP FOR ANYONE,** not even Clara Green. The school year was almost over. And since her parents were still assumed to be missing, she was packing her bags to prepare to stay with her godparents, the Potters.

James was chatting to her about all the fun they were going to have this summer as she nibbled at her morning porridge. She smiled when it was appropriate and laughed when he cracked a joke. She was acting the role of 'healthy witch'. And Clara Green was nothing if not a good actress.

Nevertheless, she still went to sleep clutching her wand as if someone was going to attack her in the middle of the night. Clara was cautious with every step she took. She found herself constantly looking over her shoulder, checking if she was being followed. When there were loud thundering footsteps behind her, she would panic before realizing it was some first-year running to breakfast.

How _could_ she go back to normal?

It was their last day at Hogwarts, most everyone was dreading going home, including Clara. But she wasn't really going _home_ was she?

"Tits up, Clara dear." Marlene said to her when she caught her growing more somber, "Your parents are safe. Mr. Green will keep your mom safe." The blonde laid a comforting hand on Clara's shoulder.

She smiled up at her friend, although she found herself feeling more desolate lately, encouraging words from her friends made all the difference. Clara hoped that in the future they'd affect her more.

Lily walked up to the table and immediately hugged Clara, she'd been doing more of that lately. She had found a new zest for life and vowed to live every day like it was her last. If anyone came out of this year improved the most, it was Lily Evans. She was more easy-going and more conscious of her words. And as usual, she saw the best in everyone.

"I'll try to visit you as often as possible," Lily promised as she sat down to the right of Clara, pointedly ignoring James who was sitting to Clara's left.

Lily hadn't completely forgiven Sirius and his friends for the whole tricking-Snape-into-almost-getting-killed-by-Remus incident. Even though the pair no longer considered him a friend, they still didn't approve of putting _anyone's_ life in danger. Clara had just begun talking to James again, but Lily was harder to convince.

"You better, Evans." Clara smiled at her _best_ friend.

Maybe today would be a good day after all.

"Morning, Sirius."

Nevermind.

When she woke up from her magic-induced coma, people expected her to be automatically happier when he was around. They all thought that she would just rely on him like some kind of anchor. But all she saw when she looked into his slate eyes were memories of a carefree, joyful time. Memories that were not unattainable.

She didn't see in color anymore.

So she just gave Sirius a sorrowful smile and continued eating.

When the rest of the group seemed to be busy talking to those around her, Clara Green got up and left the table, thinking no one else was watching.

"I'm worried about her," James admitted as the group watched Clara exit the room.

"Me too." Lily said, "She thinks no one is paying attention to her, but everyone is."

Sirius crossed his arms, "Maybe that's the problem. We're so busy monitoring her, we aren't letting her heal."

"And I suppose you know how to do that, Black?" Lily said, not full of malice, but icy enough where her statement didn't sound friendly.

"We're all just trying our best!" James burst, "It's not like we all took Dealing With Trauma 101."

"He's right." Marlene agreed, "You guys can't sit here and argue a custody battle over her. We just need to be there for her." She looked over the faces of Sirius, James, and Lily, "Like she would for us."

"She would do anything for us." Lily agreed and tears came to her eyes.

Sirius touched her shoulder, "I just want what's best for her."

"We have to work together," James realized, "Because she may not act like it, but she needs us more than ever."

**❖**

"So I guess this is goodbye?" Persephone asked when she found Clara sitting in one of the sunny courtyards of Hogwarts.

She nodded, "I suppose." She looked up, "You'll write, right?"

Persephone looked down and fiddled with the edge of her skirt, "I don't think I can. My parents..."

"I understand." Clara nodded, "Sirius' are the same way."

The Slytherin flinched at the mention of her fiance. She liked pretending he didn't exist, "Yeah, thanks for understanding."

Clara tapped the ground next to her, inviting Persephone to join her in lying on her back, cloud gazing. She obliged, Clara's hair tickled her cheek when she laid next to her but she didn't say anything.

Listening to the chatter of the students around her, Clara shut her eyes **_(_** _still clutching her wand_ ** _)_** _._ She imagined she was just a small kid again, watching the clouds without a care in the world, "Don't you sometimes wish that you could just run away?"

"All of the time." This was the most honest thing Persephone had said in a long time.

She opened her eyes but kept imagining. But when she began thinking about her childhood, one memory stuck out, something she hadn't thought about in a while.

She looking into her bag and searched hurriedly, but she couldn't find her tarot cards. With all of the animagus drama happening this year she had lapsed on her habit of carrying them everywhere. Persephone sat up as well, and watched her warily, "What are you doing?"

As if her voice was a lightbulb above her head, Clara's face brightened, "I want to try something, when I was younger I could guess things about someone just from touching them, or an object they owned." Biting her lip, "But one day my dad forbid me from using it, and it was as if I forgot I had the power in the first place."

"Like they put some kind of memory lock on you?"

"Maybe." Clara shrugged, "That stuff always freaked my mom out."

Persephone looked nervous, "And you want to try it out on me?"

"If you want." Her head cocked to the side like a puppy, "I don't want to force you into anything, Phone."

Her lips pursed, did she really trust Clara enough? Persephone rarely trusted anyone. She could count the number of people she considered friends on one hand. But through this past semester at Hogwarts, she had grown to rely on Clara.

So she presented her palm and said, "Go ahead."

After that day, Persephone Themas and Clara Green had an unsaid understanding. They would be there for each other, through everything. They were so different, night and day. Clara most always spoke her mind whereas Persephone rarely did. She was brought up to push down her thoughts and emotions, and to always agree with those more influential or powerful.

Persephone was taught to hardly ever meet someone's eyes. From a young age, even the smallest act of defiance was returned with a bruise or lack of meal. She was brought up knowing she wasn't good enough and was constantly doing anything to please her parents. But they were not happy. If it wasn't her weight or was her hair. If it wasn't her appearance it was her grades. She was never enough.

These were some of the things Clara learned about Persephone from touching her palm. So on that day, she vowed to always help her, and be her second family no matter what.

But alas, Clara Green was unable to keep Persephone Themas safe.

**❖**

The Potters' house always smelled sweet, like honeysuckle. Their enormous house somehow felt homey with the warmth and thought James' mom put into it. His parents were especially sweet and kind as they took Clara home with them.

They apparated to the foyer of the house and Clara looked around and took in the sights of the familiar house. Sighing, she followed Mrs. Potter up the stairs as listened to as she spoke.

"You'll be staying in your normal room, across from James. But Fleamont and I thought we would change out the sheets into something more comfortable for you. The towels are in the closet, you know where the bathroom is." She opened the door and Clara looked around the room she spent many days in. Somehow now it looked different.

She saw where she kept all of the letters her parents would send her, even if she was only sleeping here for one night. When Mrs. Potter left, she immediately took the box and shoved it deeper into the cupboard, out of sight.

Odd, she remembered the walls being a bright red but now they looked more subdued.

Not having anything else to do, she laid down on her bed and stared at the ceiling. Her mind was blank. She felt numb like there was no reason for her to do anything, or to even take in another breath.

Day turned into night, and sometimes while the moonlight streamed through the window, a body laid down next to her.

James Potter's warm hand took hers and held it.

Her face grew hot and her eyes started to water as she tried not to let the sob escape. But the next thing she knew, her face was in his shirt and she sobbed. Her parents were the most important things to her and she didn't even know where they were. Her limbs still ached from her injuries and she felt like a different person than before.

Clara didn't know if she could return to normal.

Until this moment, she had tried to keep it all together. Clara was always the strong friend, some would even say she was the motherly figure of her friends. But James saw past that, he'd known her before she even knew herself.

It was like she was falling, and there was nothing she could do to stop her body from shaking as she nearly howled with grief. Downhill, she was falling, she could feel her body hitting the ground as it rolled. Over and over again. She saw her parents, she saw herself in her first-year robes.

And she didn't recognize herself.

When the tears were gone, Clara's nose was stuffy, her eyes were red, and she had wept to the point of dehydration. What was left was a sharp, cold feeling in her chest. It was like a virus, starting in her heart yet choking her. The feeling made her feel like the world was exploding and imploding at the same time.

"I know you, Clara Green." James' arms were still wrapped around her as he spoke, "You are resilient. No matter what this world throws at you, you can recover. I believe in you."

"What if I don't know how? I don't know how to go back, I-"

"Then I'll remind you who you _are_. Not who you were, you are charged, yes, but the core of who you are is still there. Because you still are the fierce, brave, smart girl I love." He reached in his pocket and held out a handkerchief for her, "But you can't do it alone, you can rely on your friends, like me or Lily." He was grinning like a fool.

Clara rolled her eyes, "Who knew it would take me almost dying for you to be able to hold a civil conversation?"

**❖**

One of the most striking things about James was his laugh. It was so encompassing Clara could feel it in her bones. And a week after Clara had moved into the Potter Household, it wasn't difficult for her to let out a chuckle as well. She was slowly healing in her small bubble of happiness. As the days went on, Clara's feeling of panic was ebbing away as James continued to cheer her up by doing numerous things, like reminiscing their childhood.

"And when we were playing Quidditch together and you _broke my arm_ just so that you could score the winning point!" James exclaimed, and clutched his right arm, "Sometimes I can still feel the pain."

Scoffing, she replied, "What can I say, I'm competitive! And don't pretend like you didn't milk that injury for the rest of the year!"

Although it was the middle of the night, and storming outside, James and Clara were determined to bake cookies. They had somehow succeeded, and half of the dough was in the oven whereas the rest was being eaten by the pair as they waited.

When there was a moment of reprieve from their booming laughs, Clara turned to him and said, "I don't know what I would do without you cuz." She hugged him.

"I could do without you, I might have received fewer injuries when I was a wee child!"

"Oh shut up you twat."

She reached to take another spoonful of the cookie dough when there was an ominous knock at the door. Clara froze in fear. Who would be knocking at such an hour? She shot a fearful look towards James who already had his wand out.

"It's pouring outside, do you think it's a ministry officer?" James asked, and the unsaid words hung in the air. _With information about your parents._

She shrugged but stood up with him as they made their way towards the door. When James opened the door, the cold feeling of anxiety trapped Clara once again.

"Sirius? Is that you?" James asked.

He was barely recognizable. His long hair covered much of his face as the rain continuously soaked him. His coat looked like it weighed a thousand kilograms on his hunched shoulders. When Sirius Black looked up at them, they noticed the blood streaming down his head from the gash on his forehead. Shaking, he put down his suitcase.

"Is it okay if I crash here for a bit?"


	17. SILVER BULLETS

**THREE WEEKS LATER, CLARA** felt the whispers of being okay again. Sometimes when James and Sirius were joking around she felt herself smiling despite herself. When Fleamont Potter would give her a bear hug after she returned from some excursion with the boys, Clara felt her heart healing. Euphemia's kind smile lifted Clara up as she assisted her around the house, needing a break from the shenanigans of Sirius and James.

James' laugh was like a healing potion. He was home to her when every other sense of the word brought a sharp pain to her chest. Even though he would be bull-headed, when it came to Clara he knew exactly when he needed to step back and when he needed to coax her into speaking. It was him who she confided in when her world felt like it was imploding and exploding all at once.

By the end of July, it didn't take a lot of effort for Clara to smile. She wasn't back to 'normal' because she would always be different now. But she had come to realize that it wasn't a bad thing.

"Change is good!" Sirius was ranting to James one say on the sunny hillside a couple of miles away from the Potter house, "Half of the amazing things we are able to do now are because of change. We can't be stagnant, we have to- we need to evolve!"

James was laughing at him, "Right on!"

"Hey, don't laugh at me you _twat_!" Sirius tackled the Potter and they wrestled in good nature as Clara watched them, trying to hide her smile behind her copy of _The Feminine Mystique_ by Betty Friedan.

This was one of the many sun-filled days they had the pleasure of enjoying during their summer break. James' parents would be gone doing some sort of errand and the remaining trio of kids would floo to James' smaller summer cottage and spend days on end there. Full of sugar and laughter and everything that was healing for Clara Green.

Everything was perfect, except for one glaring uncertainty— Sirius Black.

Sure, he held her hand and while they watched muggle movies **(** _that either Clara or James would charm to play on the wall_ **)** they would snuggle and spoon but once the lights turned on, they would return to acting as if nothing had changed and they were just friends. Of course, this small detail in her life wasn't that big of a deal, but it just added to the long list of things Clara Green was unsure of. And as the days went on, her patience at his lack of commitment wore thinner and thinner.

But just like everything else, Clara was a good actress. She kept her smiles relaxed and kept her jabs at Sirius dull and tried to not let her true insecurities deep into them.

But, if she was being honest, she would rather overthink this than spend her time imagining where her parents were and what had happened to them. And why they hadn't come for _her_.

She let those dark thoughts go back into the shadows of her mind and focused on the feeling of the sun on her legs, the soft breath of the sky as the wind kissed her cheeks, making the small wisps of hair that had escaped her ponytail tickle her ear.

The summer had flown by, Clara's dark days blended together as she looked back on it. In the month of July, her days were filled with hope. But the feeling was ephemeral, gilded as if Clara was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Constantly trying to not think about the tragedy that had befallen her family. Only in ignorance, could Clara smile.

"Say cheese!" James held up the muggle camera he charmed to work like a wizard one, as Clara and Sirius leaned towards each other and smiled brightly. Today, her smile wasn't forced. They were sending this photo to Remus, who was again elected as prefect, even after the Severus incident last year. The trio sloppily signed the letter they all had written Remus and they sealed all of the pictures inside.

"I miss Hogwarts," James said after he sent off the owl, leaning back onto the grass with his hands folded behind his head.

Sirius joined him, "Me too."

Clara watched them and without a smile on her face, she said, "Me too."

She lied down in between the pair, looking up at the teal sky as a single tear fell down her face. She didn't notice how her two friends exchanged worried glances.

James poked her side, "Don't think that when we go back, you'll be able to get rid of me."

She rolled her eyes but smiled, which made Sirius smile, "Me neither." He agreed and pinched her cheek.

And like a brooding teenager embarrassed by her parents, she shrugged them off and said, "Whatever." While trying to hide the gleeful expression on her face.

**❖**

Clara Green had a bit of an obsessive personality when the day grew quiet and it was impossible to keep moving, and her dark thoughts started clouding her vision, she would pull out a Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook and study. She usually would ignore the "under-seventeen" law when practicing small spells. The ministry usually ignored triggers of the Trace when the underage wizard lived in a wizarding community. Clara abused this fact thoroughly.

Never had she practiced defense spells more in her life. She taught herself how to use the spells she commonly used already wordlessly, and the even simpler ones wandlessly. Clara even crept into the Potters' library in the middle of the one night to snag an advanced textbook on defense spells, meant for senior Aurors to study not an underage Hogwarts student. Clara knew this was dangerous and that this might end up with her getting seriously injured but she couldn't help it. When she did have self-control and tried to sleep at night, she would often have a nightmare of someone attacking her and chasing her. Every time in her dream something would go wrong, her voice wouldn't work, her wand would go missing from her hand, or all of her fifth-year spells wouldn't deter her assailant. So Clara would wake up and keep practicing.

Only _perfect_ practice makes perfect, her father would always say. And she took that to the extreme. Sometimes Clara would actually lose her voice from practicing so much, often she would taste blood in her throat the next morning from overuse. But she wouldn't stop. Clara just treated the symptoms, tea with honey for her throat **(** _using a potion if it ever got serious_ **)** , the spell muffiato to keep anyone from hearing her cast spells or charms for hours, a sleeping draught for if she was in dire need of dreamless rest.

Sometimes avoiding the big problem and only dealing with the smaller ones was all you could do.

Like with the others— she would tell herself— ignore the ache in your chest, just laugh at James' joke until your stomach is what hurts instead, don't notice the mesmerizing curve of his lips, instead look at the black and white of the book on your lap, don't listen to the tug in your heart to tell all of the Potters that you're not okay that you're not getting better and instead smile when they want you to, eat more when they tell you too, cover the dark circles under your eyes, let themselves believe that it's _working_ you'll just break all of their hearts if you do.

Band-Aid on a bullet wound.

Her silver bullet.

If only her problems could be solved with the wave of a wand.  
  
  


**❖**

James Potter could always see Clara Green. And unlike his best friend, he didn't have romantic feelings clouding his judgment. He loved Sirius and Clara but pretending that they didn't have any sort of feelings for each other was ridiculous. It was all a misunderstanding. Sirius didn't want to force Clara into anything and thought that this wasn't a good time with everything that was happening, and Clara thought that he just had no interest in her.

Even though James watches Sirius' jaw drop every day when Clara walked into the kitten with no makeup on and hair unkempt, watching her like she was Snow White or something. She certainly was not, James knew for sure. He had smelled her morning breath before and it was anything but princess-like.

**(** _James has also seen his best friend conceal his hard-on from Clara and Mrs. Potter while Mr. Potter just guffawed at him._ **)**

Clara was picking out her books for their Sixth year, keeping quiet which was usual nowadays, speaking only when spoken to. As the summer went on, Clara's super chipper exterior wore away and James saw glimpses of the emptiness underneath. He did all he could to help her but a winning smile wasn't enough. Slowly he began trying to wean her off her nightly study sessions after he caught her in the act one night.

It wasn't her that had woken him up, probably some animal outside, but when James woke up to investigate the noise he saw light coming from under the door of Clara's room. James turned the door handle, thinking only after he had opened the door that he should've knocked **(** _what if Sirius and Clara were.. making up_ **)** but all that he saw was a terrified-looking Clara and a miniature statue jumping to attack him. Using _stupefy_ he destroyed the small rock dragon that Clara was practicing _Oppugno_ on.

"What are you doing? You could've hurt me!"

Clara started sobbing, "I'm sorry, I'm just-" the words we're sputtering out of her, "practicing."

James rubbed his eyes, "Practicing?"

She nodded, biting her lip as silent tears flowed down her now red cheeks.

"Why?" James asked and let a long silence ensue, he needed her to answer.

Finally, she said, "To protect me."

"From what?" James came to a realization, "Do you not feel safe?"

She opened her mouth as if to speak, but it was like a fish trying to breathe air and all Clara could do was shake her head, and collapse onto her knees as James caught her. He watched as she sobbed and mouthed the words 'I'm sorry' over and over again.

This wasn't the first **(** _or last_ **)** time James held Clara as she cried herself to sleep.


	18. TEARING A NEW PAGE

**"I'M SORRY, CLARA."** Sirius was the most sincere Clara had ever seen him.

The Potters had gone out early in the morning before Clara had woken up. But after briefly getting ready and stumbling down the stairs she found an apologetic Sirius and a full course breakfast waiting for her. By the looks of the burnt toast, it was made by him.

"What are you talking about?" Her brain was muggy from her lack of sleep, she had stayed up all night talking to James, "Did you tear a page in my book again? I _told_ you, you can't just toss-"

"Please," he interrupted her, "just let me." He took a deep breath, "Let me talk."

Clara took a seat at the small breakfast table and Sirius sat next to her and turned to face her. The intense look on his face made Clara realize that James probably informed him about last night, and the thought made Clara want to run up the stairs back under her covers.

"I have been selfish. I did what every single twat does, thinks he knows what's best for the girl he likes." Actual, true shame filled his voice, he was getting emotional.

She couldn't believe it. A million times she had imagined everything going back to normal but this.. this was something Sirius could think of. She didn't think a guy would have the balls to say this.

"I pushed you away when you needed me the most. I thought it was best, truly I did. And I'm not trying to make an excuse for myself, it was wrong and I know it." A shy smile grew, "I want to make it right. I want to help you, whether that's as your completely platonic friend or someone..."

"That you snog on occasion?" Clara said, trying to make light of the situation.

Sirius chuckled but continued, "No, I mean, _yes,_ I love snogging you. You're beautiful and sexy and literally the girl of my dreams, but you also are smart. You make me laugh." He breathed deeply, "You make me want to be, better. I left my parents' house because of you. Clara Green, you believed in me this year, you believed that I could be something more than just another Black."

"Thank you, I'm flattered." The words felt like lava coming out of her mouth, "But I can't. I'm barely surviving on my own, I couldn't even imagine starting a relationship with someone."

His eyes dropped from hers, his left thumb rubbed on the engraving on the wooden table. His left foot was bouncing nervously, "I understand." He stood up and took a step away from her.

It was like someone kicked the air from out of her lungs, someone kicking her in the gut.

"I just," Clara struggled to put her emotions into words, "I don't know who I am, what happened, it changed me, it's like I can't see in color anymore."

He turned around quickly, breathing heavily. His button-up lilac pajama top clings to his shoulders as they rose and fell rapidly, his jaw clenched. Sirius knelt before her, almost in between her legs, placing his hand over hers which was on the table, and looking into her eyes.

"I have been in love with you for years Clara Green. And I know that love isn't a bandaid that you can just slap on your wound and ignore." He looked almost desperate, pleading, "But I could teach a class on Clara Green 101. She's a perfectionist who hates the color green. While you like things to be in order you could care less about cleanliness, it looks like a mess to anyone else but to you, everything is in its place." Tears started pooping in her eyes, "But your favorite color is yellow and you light up the room with your laugh, no one can resist watching you. We all want to know what you thought was so funny. And you would do anything for your friends, you are so loyal and brave."

She was crying now, "I don't know if I'm all that, after everything that has happened."

His warm thumb wiped a tear away, "Maybe you're not, but no matter what, your core," He placed a hand on her heart, "is still the Clara Green I know... and love."

Overwhelmed and feeling so safe, she fell into his embrace and hugged Sirius as they both cried. He apologized over and over again.

A boy couldn't heal Clara, she still felt the emptiness and the pain and the feeling of numbness. But when he was talking to her, looking at her like she could do _anything_ that she put her mind to, she believed him.

Clara Green was still in pieces, but perhaps with Sirius and James believing in her, she would be able to put them all back together.

So through her tears, she kissed him. And he couldn't stop himself from smiling before deepening the kiss.

And for a moment, she could see in color again.

❖

"I had gotten a note to go down to the dungeons one night. Naively I went." James laid a comforting hand on her shoulder and Sirius sat cross-legged in front of her.

She seemed calm as she continued her story, "The moment I got there I knew something was wrong. I opened the door to the appropriate classroom and three hooded figures were wearing some type of mask. I screamed and ran, using one of the passageways that led me right into the forbidden forest." Sirius grabbed one of her hands shaking in her lap and delicately held it in his own.

"I spent days in my animagus form. If I hadn't spent so much time with Hagrid I would've starved."

"Why didn't you go back to the castle?" James asked.

Clara looked up, "The days and nights blurred together, and I could always hear something chasing me. I was constantly afraid and I didn't want to bring whatever or whoever was following me into the castle. It doesn't make sense now but at the time..."

"No!" James and Sirius said in unison.

Sirius continued, "We understand."

"One day, the sounds stopped. I collapsed in exhaustion. That's when I was found by Lily and Dumbledore." Tears welled I'm her eyes, "The only explanation I can think of is that they stopped following me and went after my parents instead."

"Do you have any idea or guesses of who they were?" Sirius asked and squeezed her hand.

A moment of silence passed as Clara was deep in her thoughts, "There are only two options. Voldemort or my insane grandparents."

James and Sirius exchanged looks of worry, the number of Hogwarts students affected by the oncoming war was growing exponentially. Two muggleborns and hair families had been killed in the past month.

"I can only hope that they've been captured by him and not my grandparents." James looks at Clara shocked, "Because if they've been taken by my grandparents.."

She grasped Sirius' hand tightly, her knuckles turned white, "They are probably dead."  
  
  


❖  
  
  


Unconditionally, seeing the Hogwarts Express and seeing many Hogwarts students prepare to go back to school always filled Clara with unprecedented warmth in her heart.

Clara finished the rest of her summer strong, and with flair. She had convinced Lily to visit her at James' and then go out on the town together. There, they met up with Marlene **(** _who was heartbroken due to her girlfriend breaking up with her_ **)** and they went on a shopping spree. Things weren't back to what they were before, and they never would be. But Clara was beginning to genuinely laugh again.

One of the glaring differences was her obsessiveness with safety. Since she was still a year underage after her birthday, she couldn't use magic. But that didn't stop her from constantly carrying pepper spray with her wherever she went. Or choosing the safest part of a restaurant to sit at, the place close to an exit and not to close to windows.

Still, she finally felt comfortable in her own skin. She and the boys even visited Remus and accompanied him through one of his transformations in their animagus forms. She had run gleefully in her Akita form, chasing Sirius.

Thankfully, the small rift that had naturally formed between her female and male friends over their earlier years at Hogwarts had dissipated. Finally, there was no glaring from Lily, or obnoxious teasing from Sirius, or James being... James.

A lot of their friends had graduated the year before, so the gang that was crowded into the compartment was simply the four Marauders, Marlene, Lily, and Clara. Marlene and James were chatting about the upcoming Quidditch season. Marlene was hoping to go from substitute to a full-time beater with Sirius. Lily, Remus, and Peter were discussing what the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor was going to be like.

"I bet it'll be some tough northern guy, and he'll teach us a bunch of rad offensive spells," Peter said.

Lily shook her head, "No, I think since the class is called _Defense_ Against the Dark Arts the new professor will focus on defensive spells. Which is more helpful for us as underage students."

Remus hummed thoughtfully, "I hope it's what Peter says."

The redhead rolled her eyes and looked at Clara for help.

"I think Lily's theory is a tad more," Peter looked at Clara while she spoke with a mock offense, "reasonable?"

"Hopefully this prof can stay awake for the entire class," Sirius said with a smirk, his right arm around Clara's waist.

"Hey! I loved Professor Higgins!"

Clara, Lily, and Sirius laughed with Peter as the train grew closer and closer to Hogwarts. Remus shook his head but there was a sparkle in his eye, he had dearly missed his friends.

Passing the Scottish countryside, Clara couldn't help but be mesmerized by the rolling hills and beautiful scenery. The familiar hum of the train rolling along the tracks was comforting and putting many of her friends to sleep. Sirius who hadn't let go of her arm was dozing off on her shoulder and was humming some _Led Zeppelin_ song in his sleep.

Even though Clara still felt like a fish out of water and there were brief moments where her closest friends felt like strangers, in this quiet moment, she felt like she was coming home.

Remus watched her, the compartment was quiet with Marlene falling asleep on Peter's shoulder, Peter dozing off himself, and Sirius deep in slumber with his head rested on Clara's lap, arms wrapped around her waist. James went to go talk to the Quidditch players and Lily was doing something prefect related.

"How are you doing, truly?" Remus asked Clara.

She took a deep breath, "I'm still a bit unstable. Like, some days I'm perfectly fine and others all I want to do is stay in bed until I wither away."

"You get used to it, the new way of life. And it's not overnight but there's a moment when you realize that you almost can't imagine life before." He swallowed and looked down. "And sometimes it makes you feel guilty like you should still feel wounded. But the moment that you realize this person is _you_ and not some facade. You realize you can be okay."

"That makes sense. I can't expect to not change. I feel like I'm a stranger to myself. I say things and I do things that sometimes don't make sense. When I close my eyes-" Clara stopped herself before the tears escaped.

"That is okay." Remus said, "Everyone reacts differently, and at least for me, it changed a lot about me. But I love who I am now. And I'm happy." Hope shone in his eyes, "You just have to keep going and survive."

"I'm going to go see if Lily needs any help," Remus stood up and left, glancing back once before he slid the compartment door closed.  
  
  


❖  
  
  


He had lost his heart two weeks ago. All he had left was hope. That was the reason he had even tried to survive this long. But even his flame of hope wouldn't be strong enough to sustain him for another day.

The basement they had kept him in was cold. The only way to pass time was listening to the water drops as they cascaded down the ceiling every couple of seconds. The silence of the room was so deafening, the simple noise of water dripping sometimes made his ears ring. He knew that this sound would be the last thing he would ever hear. It was simply a matter of when.

"Dad?" The young girl's voice rang with youth. Her large brown eyes looked up at him, "It won't work!"

His entire existence exploded just focused on this moment, on his hand reaching out to touch the soft cheek of the five-year-old, "Clara?"

Her bottom lip stuck out, "No matter how I cut the roots, the potion won't turn blue!"

He was shaking as tears streamed down his face as he looked at his daughter, "You can't give up, Clara. No matter what." He knelt hugged her small body to his chest. She was so small, he thought, as he wrapped her up in his arms.

His heart broke as he felt her small arms hug him back.

After an eternity, he let go, and she held out a piece of paper and pencil, "Something told me that you might need this." She giggled and the sound was like music to his ears.

He took the tools from her hands. The moment he started writing, all of the energy sept from his bones. Every single stroke of his pencil felt like torture, but he kept going.

After he filled the page, when he looked up, he didn't see her anymore.

"For you." He whispered, his throat burning from the effort as he closed his eyes.

Clara Green's father was still gripping the letter as he passed away with hope for his daughter in his heart.


	19. LOOSE ENDS

**TWO MONTHS INTO TERM CLARA GREEN WOKE UP CRYING.** She didn't even notice until Lily pointed out the tears streaming down her face as she got out of bed. This was an odd occurrence, not the fact that she woke up crying, but the eerie fact that she couldn't remember the contents of her dream. Normally when this happened Clara could recall every detail of her nightmare. The pain of the cuts on her face, the laboring breaths, the running, her screaming. It was all a symphony of pain that Clara was struggling to keep up with, the tempo was too fast. Every time she got accustomed to a nightmare every time she overcame a new fear, another would take its place. This was why she was shaken that morning, she couldn't remember a thing. Well, perhaps one thing.

Clara swears that she heard someone say her name.

If Sirius noticed her change in attitude he didn't mention it, he simply was chatting to James as the three of them walked to their Defense Against the Dark Arts class, while always keeping a steady hold on her hand, "Can't we just skip Defense today?" Every single day they had Defense, he asked this question, Clara suspects that he never has any real intent of skipping. He hated missing out on things whether it was a silly secret between Lily and Clara or a minuscule inside joke that he wasn't there for, he hated not knowing.

"I wish we could, that guy honestly creeps me out." James turned to Sirius, "Last week he asked what I planned to do that weekend. As if we were just buds." James shivered and Clara couldn't tell if he was actually creeped out or just being overdramatic.

"He does too many in-class assignments to skip," Sirius said and glanced at Clara.

Catching his eye, Clara asked, "What?" When he didn't turn away she continued, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Am I not allowed to do that?" A smile spread over his face as he kissed the tip of her nose.

It took a lot of effort to try to stop a cheesy smile from being plastered on her face and Clara failed, "Stop it. I have a reputation to uphold."

"Disgusting. Can't you guys go back to the pining and being oblivious?"

Clara snorted at the bluntness of James' joke as Sirius shoved James to the side, "I didn't pine _that_ much." Sirius said and opened the door for his friends.

"Please," James waved his hands as they walked into the classroom, "You could've started a Christmas tree business with all of that pine!"

The trio made their way down the classroom aisle as James recounted all of the pine trees Sirius had grown throughout the years. James and Sirius sat in front of Clara, who slid into her seat next to Lily behind them.

Lily leaned forward in her seat to butt into James' conversation, "Technically, the most common Christmas tree is a fir."

James groaned as Siriuslaughed at his annoyance, but Clara methodically took out her parchment, quill, and ink. She noticed that she was low on ink and made a mental note to get some the next time she went to Hogsmeade.

"Have you been doing well today?" Lily asked, "You really spooked me this morning."

Clara shot a glance at Sirius who was still focused on James' attacks against his masculinity, "I've been doing fine. Really. I didn't even remember anything from my dream. I don't know what had shaken me so much."

"Are you sure everything is okay?" Lily asked, "If you need anything just ask. Sometimes you bottle things up too much."

The comment stung a bit but it was useless to argue, Lily was right.

Before Clara could respond, Professor Williams cleared his throat from the front of the classroom, "Good afternoon students," after the class finally quieted down **(** _James and Sirius' argument had escalated into a disagreement about their favorite quidditch team and who was going to get MVP this year, this argument could go on for days if no one stopped them._ **)** the professor continued, "Today will be a self-reflective class. In order for you to be able to harness your abilities as wizards, you need to know your own strengths and weaknesses. I will need two essays by the beginning of the next class, one analyzing your strengths and the other your weaknesses. Both need to connect back to practical application in the real world. Your drafts and outlines are due at the end of class today."

The class immediately broke into the conversation, and Sirius turned around to face Clara and said, "This assignment is going to be really difficult for you?"

In her peripheral vision, she could already see Lily rolling her eyes and James gagging, "Why?"

"You're going to have nothing to write for your second essay because you have no flaws." Normally Clara would have immediately laughed and teased him in return, as Lily and James were doing, but something about the way he was looking at her made Clara believe that on some level he believed his words. He had a twinkle in his eye yet a sincerity in his face so true that when he lightly pinched her nose, a massive blush bloomed across her face, down her neck, and up to her ears.

Her voice cracked a bit as she responded, "Not true." She cleared her throat, "You're simply biased."

"You're right, love." And with a cheeky grin, he turned back around, facing his desk, and got to work on the assignment.

Clara was flustered and busy with her assignment, James spent the next ten minutes teasing Sirius, but Lily was paying attention. She saw the look Professor Williams was giving Sirius. Lily didn't understand the exact emotions conveyed behind that mask, but she didn't trust it. Keeping one eye on the professor, Lily Evans turned back to her assignment with a theory brewing in her mind.

❖

"So the textbook is going to tell you to cut and stir counterclockwise, but in actuality, you have a higher chance at brewing a potent potion if you crush and stir clockwise." Clara loved bringing out her personal potions kit that the Potters got her for her birthday, so when Persephone asked for tutoring in Potions, she leaped on the chance.

At first, Persephone wasn't sure that Clara would be able to help her study because to the Gryffindor, potion-making was a passion or a hobby even. But after a few minutes of Clara explaining things to Persephone in a new way, she wondered why she ever went o class.

"Why do you know so much about this?" Persephone asked out of genuine curiosity, "I mean, sorry but, it's not exactly a common hobby for a young person to have."

"You're right," Clara laughed, not wanting Persephone to think she was offended, "Not everyone had an odd childhood like mine." When Clara noticed that Persephone was listening intently, she continued, "My father worked in the potion-making business. That's how I know James, our parents were very close friends. When I was young I would watch my father work. But, I never went behind his back and messed with the ingredients. Even if I wanted to."

Persephone quietly chuckled at the thought, "Thank goodness, you probably would've lost an eyebrow."

"Or an eye," Clara quipped cheekily, "I think my father knew I was watching him the whole time. Eventually, he just started teaching me. There's really no way for the trace to tell when an underage wizard is illegally _brewing a potion_. So by the time I was of age to attend Hogwarts, I was at the potion-making level of a Hogwarts Graduate."

A moment of silence passed, and then in a tone filled with both sympathy and envy Persephone said, "He must love you a lot, your dad."

Heat flooded Clara's chest, and so did the pain but she was accustomed to it, "What about you, Perse? Any odd talents?"

"I'm good at playing cards." Persephone said, "My parents and I would play wizarding card games all of the time. But sometimes when my mom wasn't home, my dad would teach me muggle games like poker and such." She fiddled with her fingers as if remembering the feeling of the deck between her fingers, "He had a non-charmed deck so that he could teach me to shuffle them myself. He said that he never trusted the self-shuffling ones." Persephone's eyes lifted to the classroom window, "He claimed that they always seemed to favor my mum, the one who charmed them."

"Your dad must love you as well." As the words left her mouth, Clara knew that it was the wrong thing to say.

Persephone avoided her eyes as she softly said, "Maybe at one time." Then, a split second later, she was smiling and changing the subject to potions.

Clara let her, sometimes pushing someone to speak only hurts them more.

"Thank you so much. I'm going to act the practical and the essay I have to write." Persephone had a dozen different ideas of what to write about, when before she had basically none, "You're the best."

Clara smiled at her while backing up her potion kit. They had made use of an unused classroom for their mini-tutoring session. Light from the fall sun was streaming through the windows, the sky golden as it was about to be dark outside. She gazed out of the window and the thought that she was constantly trying to ignore, the question her subconscious kept asking sprang to her mind.

Where are they?

Talking about her father brought on the pain that she was so often trying to decrease. Clara thought that if she went about it logically that everything would be okay, taking baby steps, just slowly putting one foot in front of the other. But eventually, even those most minimal or rudimentary tasks felt like the equivalent of attempting to scale a cliff.

The pain must have shown on her face as Clara felt Persephone's soft touch on her shoulder, "Are you ready to leave?" The tenderness and timidness of her question spoke volumes, _Are you okay?_ it asked.

"Yeah." Clara answered both questions, "Let's go."  
  
  


❖  
  
  
  


Most people didn't know, but the Hogwarts library housed every single Wizarding newspaper that had ever been published. It was kept updated as well, with the new volumes magically appearing in the correct spot moments after they were published. This was how muggle-born Lily Evans kept up with the wizarding world that was outside of Hogwarts.

This was where she had been spending most of her time, lately, trying to follow a lead. She was very suspicious of the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, but since she had no real evidence and didn't want to go around slandering his name off of flimsy evidence that was circumstantial at best, she hadn't mentioned her hunch to anyone else. The last thing she wanted to start was a wild goose chase.

At least, this was the case until James sneakily followed her to the library and sussed out what she was doing. This wasn't surprising as James had more free time now that his two closest friends were dating, he could only handle third-wheeling for so long. **(** _Plus Sirius had made him leave because he wanted more privacy to snog, gross._ **)** And now Lily had to deal with the annoying toerag more than she would like to. Although, he wasn't as insufferable as he used to be.

"The school records say that he was in the Slytherin house, and by the old photos it shows that he came from a pureblood family, or at least was friends with a lot of pureblood elitists." James said as he looked over the notes he had taken from an old Hogwarts yearbook, "But that doesn't make sense, at least everyone with the social class like that has gotten into the Wizarding Tabloids at least once, and you said that you didn't see anything."

"Nope," Lily confirmed, staring at the wall opposite her, trying to think, "I think I lost half of my brain cells reading those magazines."

James chuckled at her, it was a nice sound. Warm and fuzzy, made Lily think of Christmas or holiday times.

Lily groaned and buried her face in her arms that were crossed on the table, "This makes no sense. Maybe there's nothing to find and he's just another odd professor that we'll have for one year and make jokes about for the rest of our academic careers."

"But you said that we have to listen to your gut, right?" James looked at Lily, pointing at her with the feathered end of his quill, "So that's what we are going to do."

Ignoring the warm feeling stirring in her chest, she raised her eyebrows and said, "Okay then. We'd better start expanding our search then."

His face turned serious, "Does that mean we have to start going through the Daily Prophet?"

"Not all of it, the professor is about the age of our parents, so we can just start around the time of them going to Hogwarts?"

With that, the pair gathered issues of the daily prophet from years ago. While the content was obviously outdated the quality and the magazine itself weren't much different from Daily Prophets Lily could buy at Hogsmeade.

"Why are wizards so against advancements to technology? Or change?" Lily asked James after around twenty minutes of silence.

Continuing to flip through issues of papers James said, "Not sure, probably because of the influence of pure-bloods and stuff. People like that don't want change to come about."

"You're right," Lily said, "And since the Wizarding community is so small and heavily influenced by them, it's an easy system to manipulate."

He stopped and turned to look at Lily.

Feeling a bit self-conscious at his abrupt change in mood Lily asked, "What?"

"You've never genuinely said I was right before."

The way she acted around him had changed, Lily realized. A year ago she wouldn't spare him more than a backhanded compliment or a tease or a genuine insult. But now she was comfortable around him.

Not knowing how to respond, she said, "It's not my fault that it happens so rarely."

Then James laughed, loudly. Loud enough where students were poking their heads through the rows of books wondering what was happening.

"Be quiet!" Lily shushed him but was hypocritically laughing a little bit herself.

"Wait!" James jumped up and handed Lily the paper he was looking at, "There! This paper is has a picture of the Hogwarts Gobstones team in 1945, and that's Clara's grandmother." He pointed at a girl in the center of a group photo.

"That girl to her left, she looks familiar." Lily mused, bringing up the photo closer to her eyes, Clara's grandmother was whispering something to the girl on her right, and something about the other girl made Lily look at her twice, "Is that...?"

"Eileen Prince?" James read the article, "She was the captain of the team that year."

Lily pursed her lips, staring at the photo, "Her married name is Eileen Snape."

"That means that she's.."

"Snape's mother."


	20. LEARNING THE TRUTH

**AFTER TWO DAYS JAMES HAD NO IDEA** how Lily could keep this information from Clara.

"Because it's flimsy evidence and it's only going to make her more stressed than she already is. The least I could do is try to find something more tangible to tell her." Lily explained again, for the fifth time that day.

"Exactly, this could be the answer that helps Clara!"

"The answer?" Lily looked up from the papers piled in her lap, "There's no answer here! Only questions. Besides," She gestured to the Quidditch field behind him, "this is hardly the time to be talking about this."

James had taken an impromptu break from Quidditch practice to fly up towards Lily Evans who was sitting in the spectator stands, currently glaring at him as the wind tousled her red hair along with the parchment on her lap.

"What that?" He gestured to the rest of the team that was practising and kept glancing up at him, "Ah, there are other things more important, Lily Evans."

"Clara?" Lily asked, knowing that if Clara had a say in this she'd be annoyed that he wasn't doing his job practising with his team.

"No Lily, you." He winked at her and with a tilt of his broomstick, joined the rest of his team so that practice could resume as normal.

She rolled her eyes at him and went back to review the information they had found, which like she told James, was barely anything. They had pretty solid proof that Clara's grandmother and Severus mother' were close friends in their Hogwarts days and through most of adulthood. With being pretty well-known purebloods they were often mentioned in tabloids together. Once both were under suspicion of sympathizing with Grindelwald and participating in a muggle hate-crime. But since it wasn't as taboo in its time, Lily couldn't find any actual evidence supporting or ruling out this claim.

Deciding that the wind was a bit too annoying, Lily left the quidditch pitch to go to the library where would be less chaotic and noisy than Gryffindor's quidditch practice. The moment she sat down at her usual table, she felt eyes on her. Looking across the aisle of books, on the other side was Severus Snape himself, who was looking at her.

Immediately Lily looked down, breaking eye contact, and opened inconspicuous homework instead of the old newspapers James and her had been going over.

"Lily." Severus' deep voice sounded from behind Lily's right shoulder, and she jumped causing her transfiguration book to go falling to the floor.

"What do you need, Severus?" Lily asked, trying to think of a reason that he would approach her after her not speaking to him for months.

He seemed at a loss for a reason as well, for it took him a long moment before saying, "I just want to tell you I'm sorry."

Immediately Lily's mind went to the word _Mudblood_ but she tried to keep herself calm, "You have already apologized."

Severus said, "Lily, you haven't spoken to me since then. You can barely look at me and now you won't even forgive me?"

"You want my forgiveness? Fine, I forgive you. But you can't expect things to go back to normal."

Severus chuckled darkly, "Oh I know, Lily. After all these years of us hating James and Sirius, the person I've seen you around the most lately has been him. Were you lying this whole time? But just embarrassed you had a crush on the likes of him?"

Lily immediately felt blood rush to her ears, "Why would I hide a crush? Seems pretty immature to me." She had never outright hated James and Sirius, she just thought they were insufferable idiots who had no personality so their only choice for humour was teasing their classmates, but they had since seen how wrong that behaviour was and had stopped a while ago.

This time Snape scoffed- loudly, "Please, as if you can talk about immaturity with the likes of Potter as your friend."

"You want to scoff at me when you have been the most immature of us? You hold on to this grudge for dear life instead of just moving on! James and Sirius haven't said a bad word about you, or anyone, in quite a while, why? Because they don't even _think_ about you. There are worse things going on in the world right now than a petty school squabble."

Snape's face was red with anger, "They made my life a _living hell_ for-"

"You want to talk about living hell?" Lily asked, "Clara is in hell right now, and James and Sirius are helping her. Instead of withholding information!"

At this point, the librarian had long since called on McGonagall, Slughorn, and Dumbledore since the fight between the Slytherin and Gryffindor had escalated so much. McGonagall and Dumbledore happened to be walking in that wing so the pair walked in hearing the accusatory voice of Lily.

"What- what do you mean?" Snape asked.

"Your mum? Don't you send letters to her talking about your school life? I'll bet you sent her a long one after you and Clara's falling out." Lily had never felt so angry, the puzzles were fitting into her head, everything was making sense, "After the Winter Ball things were weird between you and her, but I thought at the time it was only from Clara's end. But no, you let your mother sell her parents to the devil."

She was breathing heavily, and all onlookers were shocked at this theory and waited for Snape's response.

"We need to step in," McGonagall took a step forward, but Dumbledore stopped her.

"Wait, see what he says." He had a knowing look in his eye. 

Snape took a moment before responding, and his voice was thick when he said, "I am sorry. I didn't realize what I had done until too late, I finally had a connection with her. She was asking me questions about my life and my friends. I realize now that it was just to get more information on her for Clara's grandparents. Ever since Clara went missing and came back, she hasn't responded to a single letter."

He looked at Lily's shocked and horrified face, "I didn't know what to do. I am so sorry. The last thing they told me was that Clara's grandparents were glad to learn more about her granddaughter, but then I learned that they despised her and her mum."

Lily's eyes were also filled with tears, "I suspected but I never actually thought- I can't believe you did this."

Snape reached out to wipe a tear from her cheek, but Lily stepped back.  
  
  


❖

After the Severus incident,Sirius was constantly on edge. His unreasonable resent for the Slytherin was now backed up by real evidence. Even Lily, with a heavy heart, began to just treat him like another Hogwarts student that she didn't know. Sirius resisted saying, "Told you so." But he knew that would do more damage than good.

If someone ever told him that Remus, James, or Peter would ever betray him, he wouldn't believe them for a second. And Sirius knew that this was how Lily and Clara had felt about Severus at one point.

**(** _The only difference is that Severus wasn't a Marauder. Marauders never betray one another._ **)**

The only good thing that came out of Snape's word vomit was the knowledge that Clara's grandparents had something to do with her parents' disappearance. Dumbledore even witnessed the confession. This was two days ago.

"It's been forever since Lily gave the ministry _another_ lead. What are they doing? Sitting on their asses?!" Clara said as she rummaged around her dorm room for her transfiguration textbook. Robes were flying, numerous potion kits were astray over her bed, papers littered a small table, and she was finding every textbook except the one she was looking for.

Sirius couldn't stop grinning— he had to tease her.

"You know maybe if you didn't hide everything under a layer or clothes or books or papers or _animals_ -"

"It's a personal life decision, okay?" Clara continued searching for her potions notebook, "It makes sense in here." She tapped the side of her head as she continued to search.

He propped his head up under one elbow and smiled at her. Her uniform was disheveled from her recent nap, the messy crease in her skirt have Sirius' eyes more leg to stare at. His eyes followed her silky black hair as well and tried to push down the thought of him fisting it in his hand.

"If it truly did make sense in your head, then why haven't you _found_ your transfiguration book yet?"

"No comment."

He gazed around her corner of the dorm and said, "You know, when we live together your odd 'system' might have to get a little more organized."

Clara's noisy rummaging stopped for a second, "When we what?"

Sirius realized his mistake, "I mean, like, when we go back and live with the Potters. I'll be stuck with you for another summer."

"Oh right." Clara felt her posture sink momentarily before straightening her back. They hadn't really talked about the future with her whole parents' situation, and normally the future was something that troubled her more than anything. But the thought of him being there made things better, she hoped he felt the same.

"Well, I could try to find my own flat, I don't want to impose on the Potters for the rest of my life." Clara thought out loud, finally finding her transfiguration notebook.

Sirius turned over on his back and stared at the canopy on her bed, "Looking for flats would be fun! Next summer is our last summer before we graduate."

Her stomach dropped, "Don't talk like that, thinking that time has been moving so fast is almost frightening." Clara smiled and threw a pillow at him.

"It is crazy, with everything still happening," Sirius said. It had been around a year since Robb's family had died, a turning point for the students in realizing the outside turmoil was affecting their lives.

Clara said next to him, "Most people were saying that by now it would be over, but there is still so much fear." Every day the number of dark marks in the sky was increasing, muggleborns and their families were dying or disappearing every day and it felt like it was just snowballing and there was nothing that could be done to stop it.

Sirius' eyes furrowed, "I just wish there was something we could do." His eyes closed, "Do you ever feel like we are learning all of this for nothing? We take Defense but we never actually defend anyone."

Clara brushed a hair out of his eye, "We have, Remus hasn't gotten hurt in months since we have helped him. And once we graduate I promise to defend the helpless with you."

"I hope we do, Clara Green."

❖

"Do you think she knows?" A Ravenclaw asked her roommate.

The other blonde-haired girl turned towards the Gryffindor table just in time to see Clara Green laugh at a joke one of her friends made, "There's no way."

The first girl swallowed, "Should we tell her? It was by chance we heard the Headmaster talking about her dad."

A third student turned toward the pair, "What did you hear them say?"

The pair exchanged glances, it seemed wrong to discuss this when the student in question hadn't been informed yet. "They found her Dad, but he died days ago."

The whole table turned and glanced at Clara, trying so nonchalantly. But she felt their gazes and looked up quizzically. She opened her mouth to speak when she heard her name called from the entrance.

Dumbledore and McGonagall stood there, Dumbledore couldn't keep the somber look off of his face, "It's about your father." He said to Clara when he was next to her.

"No." The whole hall heard her cry, the crack in her voice, "Please tell me it's not true."

"We should talk about this in private," McGonagall said.

Clara probably couldn't hear her words as she lost balance, body shaking, her friends surrounded her.

In times like these, a student receiving such news was tragically commonplace, so the rest of the student body tried to go back to their breakfast, trying to ignore the sound of another innocent's heartbreaking.


	21. THE POWER OF WORDS

**LILY WAS RUNNING LATE.** Emphasis on the running. She hadn't packed at all leading up to the final day at Hogwarts, yet she thought it was a good idea to stay up all night with Clara in the common room. She had to hurriedly pack up all of her clothes into her trunk, which was probably going to cause them to be wrinkled along the train ride, and dash down the stairs and out of the castle to get to the carriages that would take them to the Hogwarts Express. Clara had told her that she was going to wake up early to eat breakfast with Sirius before heading to the train, so for the first time, it was Lily who was last-minute packing and not her.

She must've been a streak of red as her pleated skirt moved around her sprinting legs. Lily's blood was pumping and she was flushed from exercise when she finally got to the carriages. Her face was probably red as well, completing the look.

Her breath was still coming out in pants when she nodded sheepishly to McGonagall who shook her head slightly at her tardiness, with a gleam of amusement in her eye. Lily held her small purse to her chest as she stepped into the carriage, expecting it to be empty when she saw-

"James?" His curly black hair and hazel eyes send a jolt **(** _of surprise_ **)** through her heart, "Why aren't you on the train?"

"Lost track of time." He said, fiddling with the paper bag on his lap.

She didn't believe him but didn't push the issue. Pursuing her lips she sat down and the carriage began to move, "I suppose we're the last of the students to leave."

James nodded, looking out the window and watching Hogwarts grow smaller and smaller in the distance, "This is the last time we are leaving Hogwarts for summer and still coming back."

"Yeah, we'll be graduates next year." The words sounded impossible, how could something as ordinary as graduation occurs in times like these? "Do you know what you're planning on doing?"

Adjusting his glasses James said, "I always thought that I would join the war, try to make a difference."

"Me too."

James did a double-take, "Really? When I tell my parents that's the plan they always seem to be disappointed or want me to help my father instead."

"Yeah, I mean with everything that happened with Clara and Sirius, it seems like that is the only right thing to do once I am old enough. I can't call myself her friend but stand aside when such evil things happen in the world and no one is held to justice for them. Standing in silence while classism and prejudice are commonplace seems is something I could never do."

After James nodded in agreement silence fell and the pair walked together to the train and were greeted by their friends, "Well look who decided to show up!"

"Hello, Marlene." James laughed and sat down next to the blonde girl who was bubbling with excitement, "Excited on seeing your- I mean going home?"

Marlene glanced at Clara who was hugging Lily in greeting, "Yes, winter vacation felt too short. My mom was obsessively cooking the whole time so I never got to see her."

James thought back to his winter vacation, his parents officially received legal guardianship of Clara after her mother was confirmed dead. While the holidays were not jolly, Clara never got as bad as she did over the summer. In some way, James thought, knowing what happened to her parents helped her although he is sure she misses them every day.

The first week of winter holiday was their funeral. The night before Clara moved everything from her parents' house and closed it up so she was able to find her nicest black dress and wear it. In some pureblood families, it was customary to be cremated along with your wand but Clara decided to forgo that option and opt to what her mother would've wanted. A muggle funeral.

Understandably the funeral was small. In her mother's decision to marry a wizard and her father's decision to marry a muggle this cut off her parents from their previous circles of acquaintances. Most attendees were Clara's classmates and their families or those her parents met as a married couple.

At the gravesite, some people came to Clara to offer their condolences. Lily, Marlene, and Peter were some of the first. Unfortunately, Remus was not able to come. Sirius and James were by her side the whole time as her parents' co-workers gave her hand a squeeze or her head a pat **(** _which Clara would have preferred they refrain from_ **)** she recognized most of the families until the last. A married pair who both had red hair approached with a child who looked to be about six years old, a toddler, and the mother was carrying a baby that could not be more than four months old.

"I am very sorry for your loss." The father said as he shook Clara's hand, "My names Aruther Weasley, this is my wife Molly. The newest boy is named Percy and this is Bill and Charlie." He motioned to the pair of redheads who were holding hands, the eldest, Bill, shook her hand when she extended it, "Your father and I were friends. He was a good man, your father."

Something about the sincerity in his voice touched Clara's heart, "He was."

"If you need anything, just send an owl," Molly said. Her eyes looked like she had cried today as well. Clara wondered if her parents were closer to the Weasleys than she originally thought.

"Thank you, Mr and Mrs Weasley. I hope you have safe travels home." Clara waved at small Charlie before turning back to James and Sirius.

"Let's go home."

A selfish thought had been bugging Sirius. It was a thought that he was normally good at ignoring or dismissing. But as time went on, and their sixth year had come to an end, it had become harder and harder to ignore. Clara had never said that she loved him back.

It was approaching the year anniversary of when he told her that he loved her. He knew that it was completely insensitive and self-centred to think like this, but he was beginning to wonder if she didn't care for him, but just needed someone there for her. Which for the moment, he was fine with, he wanted to be there for her, but when would it end, when would she finally let him down easy and tell him that she didn't care for him the way that he cared about her?

When he thought about it logically he knew that she was not the type to string him on like this, and even if she didn't love him she respected him enough to not pretend. But a small voice that sounded a lot like his mothers kept telling him that he was not worthy of love.  
  
  


❖

"How did you even find this flat, Clara?" Sirius asked, walking around the modest living room.

It was a small one-bedroom flat near Diagon Alley. Everything about it was small but it was something Clara could call her own.

A wall separated the kitchen from the living room, a door near the entryway went to a small bathroom. A second door in the living room went to a bedroom that had a closet attached. The kitchen was a tad drab but Clara planned on sprucing up the place with many decoration ideas in mind.

"James' parents went hunting for me, with them being retired it was just another project for them to do with their free time so they gladly volunteered to do it when James mentioned it in a letter earlier this year." She touched some of the falling wallpaper, "It needs some work but I think I can see myself living here."

Sirius nodded poking his head into the bathroom, barely enough room for a bathtub, sink, and toilet it was functional enough, he didn't know what to say.

Following Sirius, Clara asked him, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." He said instinctually, "I mean no, not really." He rubbed the back of his neck and leaned against the sink," You didn't even tell me about the apartment. I'm seventeen too, Clara, we could've gone into it together."

"Like, live together?"

"Do you not want to, Clara?" He looked at her, but she avoided his gaze, "I understand if we are moving too fast for you. But I don't want to have differing ideas of what we are to each other."

"You are my boyfriend, Sirius. You are one of the reasons I look forward to waking up in the morning. You are one of the best people in my life, and you have helped me through so much."

"Do you love me?"

"Sirius.." Her eyes filled with tears, "You have to give me some leeway here. My emotions are troubled enough right now to try to go through-"

"Well, I don't want to add to your troubles then." He turned the corner to the door, "I'll tell James to pick you up." He knew she was nervous to be walking around alone.

"Why are you leaving? They're just words, Sirius!"

He stopped just before he opened the flat door, "The first time I ever heard anyone say that they loved me was on Regulus' first birthday. After I had been sorted into Gryffindor he said it less and less. When our parents dropped us off for his first year at Hogwarts, I told him that I was proud of him and that I loved him." His voice was thick with emotion, his breath caught as he tried to wipe the tears from his eyes. He couldn't look at Clara, scared that he would sob, "He just walked away from me. He didn't say it back. And I can't remember the last time he did."

Clara felt ashamed, she cared so deeply for him, but what was holding her back? While she could hide behind what happened to her parents as a reason, it wouldn't be wholly true. She had never said I love you to a boy and truly meant it. When she said those three words before she normally was trying to get something or make them happy. And Clara wanted to be real with Sirius as he had been with her. It made her sick to even have a pea-sized doubt in her stomach when she said it back. But she didn't know how to say it.

"Sirius, I just.." Her eyes blurred, "I'm not there yet."

It was like the world narrowed yet broke at the same time. He didn't expect her to return his feelings but for some reason, hearing the reality of it was worse.

It was the worst feeling to love someone who couldn't say it back. It makes the entire relationship feel unbalanced when it really isn't. It was making him rethink everything. She had gone through so much.

"You shouldn't be with someone who is caught up in that, Clara. You deserve better. You deserve to find love. Not something that happened to you. Something you find for yourself. And at this point." He took one step towards her, "If you don't love me now, will you ever?"

That was the root of both of their fears. They both knew that it had to end.

As he left the flat he heard her call his name once. But he still did not turn around.

❖

James could not believe his eyes when he opened the letter. Head boy. He knew that in the past few years he was less and less of a troublemaker but not enough to be elected Head boy.

"I wonder who Head Girl will be." His mother mused, beaming with pride.

James stuffed the letter back in the envelope, "I dunno, probably Lily I would guess. She has been a prefect this whole time." Along with Remus. How could James accept a job that was better suited for his best friend?

The letter mentioned that it would send him the information of the head girl once she accepted the position and he accepted his, but James was not sure that it would ever happen, "Mum, I don't know if I can-"

"Oh hush, you will be a great head boy."

She was no help there, his mother always saw the best in people, a trait she shared with Lily.

Lily was someone who occupied his mind often, almost like when his crush on her was at its peak. When he and she grew closer due to Clara, his feelings had to be put aside but now, his imagination ran wild with ideas for how to ask her out, woo her, and make Lily Evans his girl.

"I'm meeting the lads soon anyways go I've gotta run." Well the lads plus Clara and Lily, but that was implied, "Sirius, we gotta leave soon!" He called up the stairs.

Clara had moved out a few days ago, but things had been tense around the house. Sirius and Clara hadn't spoken a word to each other and James was under the impression the two had split up. Which he was sure was only a temporary situation.

"This movie better be as good as Remus says it will be." They were going to see _Star Wars: A New Hope_. It had been released while they were still at Hogwarts but it was still running in theaters as term had ended last week.

"Why? I thought you were looking forward to it?" James was not going to be the one to bring up Clara.

"Well I guess I don't want my hopes to be smashed." Sirius said as she put on shoes.

Without another word spoken about that, they hurried to a muggle theather in London. Sirius breathed a sharp breath in as they walked upon the sight of Lily and Clara laughing with Remus. It looked like they had brought the whole group tickets, and that they had gotten dinner together.

It made sense, the three were a bit closer as they were the only ones with strong ties to the muggle world. They blended in better as they knew the styles and the lingo. Sometimes Sirius and James felt like when they took interest in muggle things that they were faking it or somehow taking something that wasn't theirs.

"There you two are! Peter was sure you'd be later." Lily smiled, she always looked so radiant. 

"Please, Lily I was right on the nose and you know it!" Peter laughed jovially, "You just hate to admit I'm right."

"Well, no one would want to get in between the Marauder's blood pact." She retorted jokingly and then regarded Sirius and James, "Don't stand over there all sullen-like."

All trace of uneasiness left as Sirius approached his friends, "We are quite on time, the film begins at nine? It is still a quarter till."

Remus passed out the tickets as he said, "They play commercials before the movie, and if you want good seats you have to be a bit early. We almost went in without you two."

"You would never," Sirius said as they filed into the theater.

Small talk was made and as the group filed into their seats, Sirius and Clara ended up sitting next to each other. And Sirius did not know what to do with his hands. His lap felt too warm to set his hands on, but putting his arm on the armrest felt like an invasion of Clara's privacy. Tossing the two options back and forth in his head, as the advertisements ended he set his arm on the rest right when Clara did as well.

"Sorry." He said.

She didn't look at him, "It's okay."

It seemed like she didn't know what to say either.

But at the end of the day, Clara and Sirius were friends and they were able to somewhat ignore the awkwardness and watch the movie. This was the beginning of an amazing summer for them, and looking back they all regarded the summer as the last part of their true, carefree childhood.

So eager to grow up, so eager to take the responsibilities of the world onto their shoulders. They didn't understand the consequences of their choices until too late. Some things are irreversible. 

They had no idea that soon the world would be looking to them, and soon their children.


End file.
